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Search results for 'humor' returned 26 results: Main Blog
Posted by TJ on Thursday March 11, 2010 @ 12:58 PM
[Tags: accounting, taxes, humor]
In honor of tax season here are some quick accounting and IRS jokes:
A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated."
"And what," his friend asked, "Do you want me to do with your ashes?"
The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service and write on the envelope, "Now you have everything."
"Your taxes are due a week from today. You can make out your check directly to Halliburton. Or you can do what I'm going to do. I'm filing my first joint return. No, I'm not getting married, I'm sending the IRS an actual joint with a note that says, 'If you think I'm paying for this war, you must be high.'" --Bill Maher
"It's tax time and President Bush is saving a lot on taxes this year. He's writing off his entire second term." --David Letterman
George Washington never told a lie, but then he never had to file a Form 1040.
[Tags: accounting, taxes, humor]
In honor of tax season here are some quick accounting and IRS jokes:
A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated."
"And what," his friend asked, "Do you want me to do with your ashes?"
The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service and write on the envelope, "Now you have everything."
"Your taxes are due a week from today. You can make out your check directly to Halliburton. Or you can do what I'm going to do. I'm filing my first joint return. No, I'm not getting married, I'm sending the IRS an actual joint with a note that says, 'If you think I'm paying for this war, you must be high.'" --Bill Maher
"It's tax time and President Bush is saving a lot on taxes this year. He's writing off his entire second term." --David Letterman
George Washington never told a lie, but then he never had to file a Form 1040.
Posted by TJ on Tuesday September 29, 2009 @ 01:06 PM
[Tags: humor, internet, email]
You know I'm so proud of my him.. perfect attendence record! Uh.. oh what if he really is mine???
Status Update - 10/12/09
Just received word my e-child missed 2 days already this month... not so proud anymore...
[Tags: humor, internet, email]
You know I'm so proud of my him.. perfect attendence record! Uh.. oh what if he really is mine???
Some elementary school said:
Progress Report For Miller, N B as of 9/28/2009
Summary Report
PERIOD AM(S) PM(S): 2nd Grade (Teachers: xxx, xxx)
Current Grade: 2nd Absences: 0 Tardies: 0
Progress Report For Miller, N B as of 9/28/2009
Summary Report
PERIOD AM(S) PM(S): 2nd Grade (Teachers: xxx, xxx)
Current Grade: 2nd Absences: 0 Tardies: 0
Status Update - 10/12/09
Just received word my e-child missed 2 days already this month... not so proud anymore...
Posted by TJ on Friday February 27, 2009 @ 03:27 PM
[Tags: news, humor, local]
Hmmm... this happened not too from not too far from me.
[Tags: news, humor, local]
Hmmm... this happened not too from not too far from me.
http://www.lohud.com/article/20090227/NEWS04/902270400 said:
Troopers: Man covered in red paint was carrying deer parts on I-84 median
By Terence Corcoran
The Journal News • February 27, 2009
EAST FISHKILL - State police arrested a Dutchess County man yesterday after they found him walking on the median of Interstate 84, covered in red paint while carrying a deer head and leg.
Police said that James Carlson, 19, of Hopewell Junction had a spray can or red paint along with the dead deer parts when was found around 11:25 a.m.
"Mr. Carlson could not give any reasonable explanation for walking out on the highway, carrying paint and dead deer parts," police said in a release today.
He was charged with possession of graffiti instruments, a misdemeanor, being a pedestrian on a controlled access highway and disorderly conduct, violations, police said.
He is due March 12 in East Fishkill Town Court.
Troopers: Man covered in red paint was carrying deer parts on I-84 median
By Terence Corcoran
The Journal News • February 27, 2009
EAST FISHKILL - State police arrested a Dutchess County man yesterday after they found him walking on the median of Interstate 84, covered in red paint while carrying a deer head and leg.
Police said that James Carlson, 19, of Hopewell Junction had a spray can or red paint along with the dead deer parts when was found around 11:25 a.m.
"Mr. Carlson could not give any reasonable explanation for walking out on the highway, carrying paint and dead deer parts," police said in a release today.
He was charged with possession of graffiti instruments, a misdemeanor, being a pedestrian on a controlled access highway and disorderly conduct, violations, police said.
He is due March 12 in East Fishkill Town Court.
Posted by TJ on Wednesday January 14, 2009 @ 10:36 AM
[Tags: news, local, humor]
GPS Stupid is when people place too much reliance on their GPS (Global Positioning System) and do not rely on common sense when driving.
To give you more of an idea let me tell you about an intersection with a train crossing in my home. In the past year there have been three incidents where a train hit a car because they got stuck on the tracks. In two of the incidents the drivers admitted that they turned onto the tracks because their GPS told them too.
The intersection is located in Bedford, NY on Green Ln just before the entrance to the Saw Mill River Parkway:
View Larger Map
Incident #1: 1/3/08 GPS mishap caused Bedford Hills train-car crash - NY Journal News
Incident #2 - 9/30/08: Car GPS blamed for train accident ABC News
Incident #3 - 1/9/08: Driver whose car was hit by Bedford train: Signals were late (appears non GPS related but same intersection)
[Tags: news, local, humor]
GPS Stupid is when people place too much reliance on their GPS (Global Positioning System) and do not rely on common sense when driving.
To give you more of an idea let me tell you about an intersection with a train crossing in my home. In the past year there have been three incidents where a train hit a car because they got stuck on the tracks. In two of the incidents the drivers admitted that they turned onto the tracks because their GPS told them too.
The intersection is located in Bedford, NY on Green Ln just before the entrance to the Saw Mill River Parkway:
View Larger Map
Incident #1: 1/3/08 GPS mishap caused Bedford Hills train-car crash - NY Journal News
Incident #2 - 9/30/08: Car GPS blamed for train accident ABC News
Incident #3 - 1/9/08: Driver whose car was hit by Bedford train: Signals were late (appears non GPS related but same intersection)
Posted by TJ on Thursday December 4, 2008 @ 01:07 PM
[Tags: politics, humor, bored]
This time the smart ones win.
Below you will see 2008 election results sorted by ID. As you can see for some reason or another the smart states voted for Barack Obama while the less the IQ the more likely you voted for John McCain.
The turn out for 2004 was a little different. The lower the IQ the more likely you voted for Bush as opposed to Kerry. In this election the lower IQ prevailed in that Bush was elected president for another 4 years of torture.
After the 2004 results maybe we need implement a IQ requirement before allowing the privilege to vote.
[Tags: politics, humor, bored]
This time the smart ones win.
Below you will see 2008 election results sorted by ID. As you can see for some reason or another the smart states voted for Barack Obama while the less the IQ the more likely you voted for John McCain.
The turn out for 2004 was a little different. The lower the IQ the more likely you voted for Bush as opposed to Kerry. In this election the lower IQ prevailed in that Bush was elected president for another 4 years of torture.
After the 2004 results maybe we need implement a IQ requirement before allowing the privilege to vote.
Posted by TJ on Thursday November 13, 2008 @ 12:11 AM
[Tags: thoughts, tv, humor]
I mean what are we really trying to teach our kids here? Maybe video games aren't to blame for all the issues with kids today its the damn cereal commercials and their serial capers.
To list a few of the cereal villains:
1.) Trix - the rabbit is always trying to steal the Trix from the kids. The kids never share saying Trix are for kids.
2.) Lucky Charms - Here you have the iconic "Lucky" the leprechaun always running from the kids who are trying to steal his charms. Aren't we all suppose to get along?
3.) Fruity Pebbles - Here we have Flinstones Barney always trying to deceive a friend Fred to get his Fruity Pebbles... some friend heh?
4.) Cookie Crisp - Cookie Crisp has had a series of crooks as mascots to represent its cereal. From 1982-1997 it was Cookie Crook who was always getting arrested for trying to steal from kids and in recent years its been Chip the Wolf.
5.) Waffle Crisp - In a 1996 ad Grannies disguised as girls try to steal a stash of the cereal from their unsuspecting grandchildren... with a rifle.
[Tags: thoughts, tv, humor]
I mean what are we really trying to teach our kids here? Maybe video games aren't to blame for all the issues with kids today its the damn cereal commercials and their serial capers.
To list a few of the cereal villains:
1.) Trix - the rabbit is always trying to steal the Trix from the kids. The kids never share saying Trix are for kids.
2.) Lucky Charms - Here you have the iconic "Lucky" the leprechaun always running from the kids who are trying to steal his charms. Aren't we all suppose to get along?
3.) Fruity Pebbles - Here we have Flinstones Barney always trying to deceive a friend Fred to get his Fruity Pebbles... some friend heh?
4.) Cookie Crisp - Cookie Crisp has had a series of crooks as mascots to represent its cereal. From 1982-1997 it was Cookie Crook who was always getting arrested for trying to steal from kids and in recent years its been Chip the Wolf.
5.) Waffle Crisp - In a 1996 ad Grannies disguised as girls try to steal a stash of the cereal from their unsuspecting grandchildren... with a rifle.
Posted by TJ on Wednesday October 22, 2008 @ 03:20 PM
[Tags: humor, list, bored]
I found this list when looking at some old files. This list of way's to annoy people was a favorite of the Jokepage. I stopped updating the jokepage so I figured I'd resurrect the list for you to enjoy.
101's Different Ways to Annoy People - Tjshome.com
[Tags: humor, list, bored]
I found this list when looking at some old files. This list of way's to annoy people was a favorite of the Jokepage. I stopped updating the jokepage so I figured I'd resurrect the list for you to enjoy.
101's Different Ways to Annoy People - Tjshome.com
- Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
- In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
- Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
- Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
- If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
- Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
- Speak only in a "robot" voice.
- Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
- Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
- Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
- Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
- Sniffle incessantly.
- Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
- Name your dog "Dog."
- Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
- Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
- Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
- Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
- Forget the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
- Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
- Practice making fax and modem noises.
- Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
- Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
- Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
- Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
- Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
- Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
- Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
- Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
- Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
- Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
- Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
- Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
- Drum on every available surface.
- Staple papers in the middle of the page.
- Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
- Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
- Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
- Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
- Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
- Set alarms for random times.
- Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
- Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
- Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
- Honk and wave to strangers.
- Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
- Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
- Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
- Wear your pants backwards.
- Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
- Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
- ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
- only type in lowercase.
- dont use any punctuation either
- Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
- Pay for your dinner with pennies.
- Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
- Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
- Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
- Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
- Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
- Light road flares on a birthday cake.
- Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
- Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
- Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
- At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
- When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
- Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
- As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
- Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
- Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
- Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
- Drive half a block.
- Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
- Ask people what gender they are.
- Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
- Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
- Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
- Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
- While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
- Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
- Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
- Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
- Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
- Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
- Wear a LOT of cologne.
- Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior
mental processing."
- Sing along at the opera.
- Mow your lawn with scissors.
- At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
- Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
- Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
- Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook.
Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
- Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
- Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
- Never make eye contact.
- Never break eye contact.
- Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
- Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
- Make appointments for the 31st of September.
- Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
Posted by TJ on Thursday October 16, 2008 @ 04:41 PM
[Tags: music, lyrics, humor]
[Music: Matthew Costa - Sunshine]
Okay so I figured out what happened with this song, this guy, we'll call him Matthew Costa sits down and starts to write a song but then he gets writers block, doesn't feel like writing songs no more but still needs that song to fill up his album. So this genius of a guy just repeats the only paragraph he did have ambition to write 5 times to make into a song.
[Tags: music, lyrics, humor]
[Music: Matthew Costa - Sunshine]
Quote:
Sunshine
I'd really like to tell you
Oh my sunshine
Even though your skies are blue
You're drying up my bed
How can I get any rest now?
Sha la la la la la la la
Someday
You will get the best of me
Oh someday
Probably when I'm old and grey
I'm lying in my bed
And I will soon be put to rest now
Sha la la la la la la la
Sunshine
I'd really like to tell you
Oh my sunshine
Even though your skies are blue
You're drying up my bed
How can I get any rest now?
Sha la la la la la la la
Someday
You will get the best of me
Oh someday
Probably when I'm old and grey
I'm lying in my bed
And I will soon be put to rest now
I'm lying in my bed
And I will soon be put to rest now (Ooh ooh) [x2]
Sha la la la la la la la
Sunshine
I'd really like to tell you
Oh my sunshine
Even though your skies are blue
You're drying up my bed
How can I get any rest now?
Sha la la la la la la la
Someday
You will get the best of me
Oh someday
Probably when I'm old and grey
I'm lying in my bed
And I will soon be put to rest now
Sha la la la la la la la
Sunshine
I'd really like to tell you
Oh my sunshine
Even though your skies are blue
You're drying up my bed
How can I get any rest now?
Sha la la la la la la la
Someday
You will get the best of me
Oh someday
Probably when I'm old and grey
I'm lying in my bed
And I will soon be put to rest now
I'm lying in my bed
And I will soon be put to rest now (Ooh ooh) [x2]
Sha la la la la la la la
Okay so I figured out what happened with this song, this guy, we'll call him Matthew Costa sits down and starts to write a song but then he gets writers block, doesn't feel like writing songs no more but still needs that song to fill up his album. So this genius of a guy just repeats the only paragraph he did have ambition to write 5 times to make into a song.
Posted by TJ on Monday October 6, 2008 @ 04:28 PM
[Tags: links, thoughts, humor]
Okay so according to this report it doesn't look like were actually screwed, however, as a coincidence “The Time Monks” has also chose October 7th as the beginning of a period of extraordinary event that will surpass 9/11. The Time Monks is a computer based project that is basically computers analyzing data to predict the future.
And add to this my blog post how the stock market actually decreased drastically 2-3 weeks before the September 11 events, speculating you may be able to see a huge drop in the stock market as predicting a huge event.
So all these commingling events seem to all add up, and I think it's as a good time as any to get your tinfoil hat on.
No?
And as if this is not enough to worry about we also have a UFO and some aliens visiting us on October 14th. Blossom Goodchild, a physic says she has been visited by the Federation of Light. The FoL gave her a message that speaks of giant lightships appearing and humanity will be rocked by the sightings. She stresses they come in peace. Here's the exact message she said she received.
Boy are those aliens going to be mad when they finally decided to come visit us and we are no longer here.
[Tags: links, thoughts, humor]
spaceweather.com said:
A small, newly-discovered asteroid named 2008 TC3 is approaching Earth and chances are good that it will hit. Steve Chesley of JPL estimates that atmospheric entry will occur on Oct 7th at 0246 UTC over northern Sudan . Measuring only a few meters across, the space rock poses no threat to the ground, but it should create a spectacular fireball, releasing about a kiloton of energy as it disintegrates and explodes in the atmosphere. Stay tuned for updates
A small, newly-discovered asteroid named 2008 TC3 is approaching Earth and chances are good that it will hit. Steve Chesley of JPL estimates that atmospheric entry will occur on Oct 7th at 0246 UTC over northern Sudan . Measuring only a few meters across, the space rock poses no threat to the ground, but it should create a spectacular fireball, releasing about a kiloton of energy as it disintegrates and explodes in the atmosphere. Stay tuned for updates
Okay so according to this report it doesn't look like were actually screwed, however, as a coincidence “The Time Monks” has also chose October 7th as the beginning of a period of extraordinary event that will surpass 9/11. The Time Monks is a computer based project that is basically computers analyzing data to predict the future.
http://rstr.wordpress.com/2008/09/25/100708/ said:
“ The Web Bots see September 22-27, 2008 as precursor dates to the main turning point date of October 7, 2008. Closely watch events during September 22-27, 2008 for hints as to what to expect on October 7, 2008.
Cliff said whenever “it” happens, and whatever “it” turns out to be, “it” will be a date in history you remember like 9/11, we will remember 10/7.
The Web Bots foresee that October 7, 2008 to February 19, 2009 will be filled with emotional intensity, and the length of the release period will be extraordinary. The Web Bots have never picked up any event lasting this long. In comparison, 9/11 length lasted about 10 days. This event will be four months of high emotion…….”
Based upon the September 22nd interview on Coast to Coast radio with the Time Monks, here is an outline of what the Web Bots have uncovered for the following weeks, months and years:
The next year will get very ugly and will change your life worse than 9/11. It is important to understand the magnitude of the data. The sort of agony, grief, pain and rage that was felt the six days following 9/11 will be felt for five and a half months. From October 7th, 2008 until March of next year….
* Will there be a total economic collapse?
Yes. 2009 will be a “year of transformation.” The keyword “monumental” shows up as how the future will view our current situation. Time Monks describe this as an “epic situation”
“ The Web Bots see September 22-27, 2008 as precursor dates to the main turning point date of October 7, 2008. Closely watch events during September 22-27, 2008 for hints as to what to expect on October 7, 2008.
Cliff said whenever “it” happens, and whatever “it” turns out to be, “it” will be a date in history you remember like 9/11, we will remember 10/7.
The Web Bots foresee that October 7, 2008 to February 19, 2009 will be filled with emotional intensity, and the length of the release period will be extraordinary. The Web Bots have never picked up any event lasting this long. In comparison, 9/11 length lasted about 10 days. This event will be four months of high emotion…….”
Based upon the September 22nd interview on Coast to Coast radio with the Time Monks, here is an outline of what the Web Bots have uncovered for the following weeks, months and years:
The next year will get very ugly and will change your life worse than 9/11. It is important to understand the magnitude of the data. The sort of agony, grief, pain and rage that was felt the six days following 9/11 will be felt for five and a half months. From October 7th, 2008 until March of next year….
* Will there be a total economic collapse?
Yes. 2009 will be a “year of transformation.” The keyword “monumental” shows up as how the future will view our current situation. Time Monks describe this as an “epic situation”
And add to this my blog post how the stock market actually decreased drastically 2-3 weeks before the September 11 events, speculating you may be able to see a huge drop in the stock market as predicting a huge event.
So all these commingling events seem to all add up, and I think it's as a good time as any to get your tinfoil hat on.
No?And as if this is not enough to worry about we also have a UFO and some aliens visiting us on October 14th. Blossom Goodchild, a physic says she has been visited by the Federation of Light. The FoL gave her a message that speaks of giant lightships appearing and humanity will be rocked by the sightings. She stresses they come in peace. Here's the exact message she said she received.
http://www.blossomgoodchild.com/ said:
***The Lightships are there in our skies
Connected to the thoughts and wishes and hopes of humanity
They are indeed higher self consciousness aspects of humanity
Or could be referred to as "us in the future"
First contact individually has already occurred
It is First contact globally that has not occurred yet
This First contact globally shall be in response to the consciousness level of humanity
Discernment must be used as darkworkers try to counteract everything that the Light brings in (yet they are failing in this)****
***The Lightships are there in our skies
Connected to the thoughts and wishes and hopes of humanity
They are indeed higher self consciousness aspects of humanity
Or could be referred to as "us in the future"
First contact individually has already occurred
It is First contact globally that has not occurred yet
This First contact globally shall be in response to the consciousness level of humanity
Discernment must be used as darkworkers try to counteract everything that the Light brings in (yet they are failing in this)****
Boy are those aliens going to be mad when they finally decided to come visit us and we are no longer here.
Posted by TJ on Friday October 3, 2008 @ 10:13 AM
[Tags: links, amazon, humor]
Obama & McCain Costume Masks $11.24 - 55% off at Amazon
Put on your party face!
Amazon.com has the Obama and the McCain Costume Masks for $11.24 each. Put on a suit and tie and you're all set!!
Obama Mask
McCain Mask
Amazon also has the Palin mask for $29.99 (no discounts)
Enjoy!
[Tags: links, amazon, humor]
Obama & McCain Costume Masks $11.24 - 55% off at Amazon
Put on your party face!
Amazon.com has the Obama and the McCain Costume Masks for $11.24 each. Put on a suit and tie and you're all set!!
Obama Mask
McCain Mask
Amazon also has the Palin mask for $29.99 (no discounts)
Enjoy!
Posted by TJ on Friday July 11, 2008 @ 02:25 PM
[Tags: guide, humor, bored]
Is your son a tagger? I saw this while doing a Google Image Search. It comes from the website of the City of Santa Ana, California.
This is not only ridiculous because all of these points are obvious. If my child had any of these things it would lead to ask him "what the heck are you doing with that?
Source: http://www.ci.santa-ana.ca.us/pd/Graffiti.asp
[Tags: guide, humor, bored]
Is your son a tagger? I saw this while doing a Google Image Search. It comes from the website of the City of Santa Ana, California.
This is not only ridiculous because all of these points are obvious. If my child had any of these things it would lead to ask him "what the heck are you doing with that?
Source: http://www.ci.santa-ana.ca.us/pd/Graffiti.asp
Posted by TJ on Friday May 16, 2008 @ 10:19 AM
[Tags: news, humor, satire]
It only took 141 years but finally a white person, Joshua Packwood will become the valedictorian for Morehouse College. Joshua says that he is frequently referred to as "White boy" and has been fighting with racism all his life since he grew up in a predominantly black area. Even after being awarded as valedictorian he still his frowned upon by some of his peers, Muhammad, a junior said "I just kind of wish he had done it at a different institution."
Link: http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/05/16/white.valedictorian/index.html
[Tags: news, humor, satire]
It only took 141 years but finally a white person, Joshua Packwood will become the valedictorian for Morehouse College. Joshua says that he is frequently referred to as "White boy" and has been fighting with racism all his life since he grew up in a predominantly black area. Even after being awarded as valedictorian he still his frowned upon by some of his peers, Muhammad, a junior said "I just kind of wish he had done it at a different institution."
Link: http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/05/16/white.valedictorian/index.html
Posted by TJ on Thursday May 8, 2008 @ 09:32 PM
[Tags: links, humor, news]
[Mood: Tired]
NASA is offering $17,000 for a test (human) subject to stay in bed for 90 days. This is according to their website:
Link: Application
[Tags: links, humor, news]
[Mood: Tired]
NASA is offering $17,000 for a test (human) subject to stay in bed for 90 days. This is according to their website:
Participants will spend 90 days lying in bed, (except for limited times for specific tests) with their body slightly tilted downward (head down, feet up). Every day, they will be awake for 16 hours and lights out (asleep) for 8 hours.Hmm... this could work for me as long as there is internet provisions haha.. bonus if the 90 days fall during tax season. I find it rather appalling that the price is so set so high anyways I'm sure they can really find a good subject for less than their offer. It's good to know our tax dollars go towards paying for someone who's only duties are to sleep on the job. This is the best use of tax dollars yet.
Link: Application
Posted by TJ on Saturday April 19, 2008 @ 03:54 AM
[Tags: personal, humor, rant]
Ok so I don't normally post about my daily life in this blog because that'd probably get boring as my life is pretty boring. However yesterday was so assiduous I just to have post about it. It all started with going to work this morning. I knew my boss or other manager wasn't going to be in today so I took upon myself to issue a dress down Friday and parted from my normal business casual attire. It's kinda weird on Fridays anyway becuase my office has two firm's working side by side and one has dress down fridays and the one I work for doesn't. So it's kinda like going to a party overdressed every friday. But you know how they say it's to be over dressed than under and I sole heartedly agree in this situation. Like always I left my house at 9:00 am to be to work at my start time of 9:00am (notice something weird here?). I just finished with tax season so I didn't feel like working much. However, I received an alert that we had to get schedules to an IRS auditor for one of big corp's. So I prepared these at a leisurely pace. Once 5:30 hit I made sure I was on my way to my car. I got in the apartment and felt tired so I took a nap until about 8pm. This was perfect becuase my roomates have left by then and I'm anti-social so I having the place to my self. I then sat down and put a netflix movie in the DVD and watched it on the $1,000 TV DVD setup that I purchased last year. The movie was "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" and was turned off quickly becuase I realized that I already seen this movie. I found another movie laying around in the apartment movie and put this in. Around 11 o'clock I realized I forgot to eat dinner and developed a perfect craving for the perfect meal Ramon Noodles. So I cooked up a package. So then I cooked up a package. No I did just repeat that unintentionally as I cooked two packages one after the other as I was more hungry then I thought and those ramon noodles are so damn good. I finished out the night by drinking a bottle of beer. Now I know drinking alone is a sign of alcoholism but so is denial and I just told all the world that I drink alone so that's not denial. Now why I am I writing this again? Oh yeah ... to tell you just how exciting my friday was... that will have to wait till next friday I guess
[Tags: personal, humor, rant]
Ok so I don't normally post about my daily life in this blog because that'd probably get boring as my life is pretty boring. However yesterday was so assiduous I just to have post about it. It all started with going to work this morning. I knew my boss or other manager wasn't going to be in today so I took upon myself to issue a dress down Friday and parted from my normal business casual attire. It's kinda weird on Fridays anyway becuase my office has two firm's working side by side and one has dress down fridays and the one I work for doesn't. So it's kinda like going to a party overdressed every friday. But you know how they say it's to be over dressed than under and I sole heartedly agree in this situation. Like always I left my house at 9:00 am to be to work at my start time of 9:00am (notice something weird here?). I just finished with tax season so I didn't feel like working much. However, I received an alert that we had to get schedules to an IRS auditor for one of big corp's. So I prepared these at a leisurely pace. Once 5:30 hit I made sure I was on my way to my car. I got in the apartment and felt tired so I took a nap until about 8pm. This was perfect becuase my roomates have left by then and I'm anti-social so I having the place to my self. I then sat down and put a netflix movie in the DVD and watched it on the $1,000 TV DVD setup that I purchased last year. The movie was "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" and was turned off quickly becuase I realized that I already seen this movie. I found another movie laying around in the apartment movie and put this in. Around 11 o'clock I realized I forgot to eat dinner and developed a perfect craving for the perfect meal Ramon Noodles. So I cooked up a package. So then I cooked up a package. No I did just repeat that unintentionally as I cooked two packages one after the other as I was more hungry then I thought and those ramon noodles are so damn good. I finished out the night by drinking a bottle of beer. Now I know drinking alone is a sign of alcoholism but so is denial and I just told all the world that I drink alone so that's not denial. Now why I am I writing this again? Oh yeah ... to tell you just how exciting my friday was... that will have to wait till next friday I guess
Posted by TJ on Friday April 18, 2008 @ 02:24 PM
[Tags: mailbag, tjshome, humor]
I received this email from someone today regarding the colorblind page. Can anyone help this poor guy out?
[Tags: mailbag, tjshome, humor]
I received this email from someone today regarding the colorblind page. Can anyone help this poor guy out?
From: lkbossong@[REMOVED].COM
Subject: A RED CORRECTIVE CLIP ON OVER EYE GLASSES
Date: 04-18-08 07:27 AM
Referral: http://tjshome.com/selftest.php
IP: [REMOVED]
i HAD A PAIR OF RED CLIP ON (SUN GLASSES TYPE) TO PUT ON WHEN I WORKED IN QUALITY CONTROL IN ORDER TO SEE COLOR AND WOULD HELP ME IN PASSING THE COLOR BLIND TEST.
LADIES AND OR GENTLEMEN
I LOST THESE IN A RECENT MOVE AND LOOKING FOR A REPLACEMENT PAIR, AND AN ASKING IF YOU MAKE OR KNOW WHO MIGHT MAKE THIS TYPE OF CORRECTIVE GLASSES.
A BRIGHT RED LENS ABOUT THE COLOR OF THE OLD ANUS CANDY PAPER WRAPS
LARRY K. BOSSONG
PHONE NUMBER [REMOVED]
Posted by TJ on Friday January 18, 2008 @ 06:16 PM
[Tags: personal, humor]
That's right,
The chess-king dies at age 64 and there's 64 squares on the chess board.**
For the tin foiled headed conspirarist this is the perfect concidence for a conspiracy theory.
RIP to Bobby Fisher 1/18/08.
**Some could argue that the chess board actually contains 204 squares if you count the squares made by individual squares, but let's not get too technical here. 8x8 + 7x7 + 6x6 + 5x5 + 4x4 + 3x3 + 2x2 + 1x1=204
[Tags: personal, humor]
That's right,
The chess-king dies at age 64 and there's 64 squares on the chess board.**
For the tin foiled headed conspirarist this is the perfect concidence for a conspiracy theory.
RIP to Bobby Fisher 1/18/08.
**Some could argue that the chess board actually contains 204 squares if you count the squares made by individual squares, but let's not get too technical here. 8x8 + 7x7 + 6x6 + 5x5 + 4x4 + 3x3 + 2x2 + 1x1=204
Posted by TJ on Friday December 14, 2007 @ 11:57 AM
[Tags: humor, work]
Okay so I was just sitting in my cubicle minding my business when one of our clients/friend of boss comes in and talks with the manager....
(Client arrives unexpected)
Cleint: Hey George
My Coworker : Hey you off from work today?
Client : yeah I'm on vacation... They told me I have 6 days left so I figured I'd should take em now
My Coworker : Oh no, really?
Client : yeah they expire at the end of year
My Coworker : Oh.. now I get it... for a second I thought you meant your doctor told you that.
[Tags: humor, work]
Okay so I was just sitting in my cubicle minding my business when one of our clients/friend of boss comes in and talks with the manager....
(Client arrives unexpected)
Cleint: Hey George
My Coworker : Hey you off from work today?
Client : yeah I'm on vacation... They told me I have 6 days left so I figured I'd should take em now
My Coworker : Oh no, really?
Client : yeah they expire at the end of year
My Coworker : Oh.. now I get it... for a second I thought you meant your doctor told you that.
Posted by TJ on Wednesday December 5, 2007 @ 12:42 PM
[Tags: personal, secret, humor]
This is one of those stories I never told anyone. This is an Tjs Blog exclusive. Grab some popcorn sit tight in your chair and read the intense story.
I never broke or sprained a bone(that I know of), however, when I was still in grade school.. probably 3rd or 4th grade we were at recess and was on a swing with a couple other classmates. The other two jumped off and as I was about to follow the counselor said "don't jump off you're going to hurt self" well me being the show off and juvenile I jumped off anyway and landed on my arm and hurt it quite badly. I however didn't tell anyone because I was embarrassed at my stupidity and too young then to have my masculinity scarred. Well anytime someone simply brushed aside my arm or I moved it the wrong way the pain shot through like hell. That made walking the halls hard as people would frequently banged their book bags against it. I remember needing to run to the bathroom so no one would notice the pain I was in. Fortunately it eventually (maybe about a month or two) healed by itself.
Okay I apologize for embellishing the drama for such a boring badly told story ... I just needed to get that. I feel so relieved now.
[Tags: personal, secret, humor]
This is one of those stories I never told anyone. This is an Tjs Blog exclusive. Grab some popcorn sit tight in your chair and read the intense story.
I never broke or sprained a bone(that I know of), however, when I was still in grade school.. probably 3rd or 4th grade we were at recess and was on a swing with a couple other classmates. The other two jumped off and as I was about to follow the counselor said "don't jump off you're going to hurt self" well me being the show off and juvenile I jumped off anyway and landed on my arm and hurt it quite badly. I however didn't tell anyone because I was embarrassed at my stupidity and too young then to have my masculinity scarred. Well anytime someone simply brushed aside my arm or I moved it the wrong way the pain shot through like hell. That made walking the halls hard as people would frequently banged their book bags against it. I remember needing to run to the bathroom so no one would notice the pain I was in. Fortunately it eventually (maybe about a month or two) healed by itself.
Okay I apologize for embellishing the drama for such a boring badly told story ... I just needed to get that. I feel so relieved now.
Posted by TJ on Friday November 16, 2007 @ 10:21 AM
[Tags: internet, links, humor]
200 Word Home
I love how the web promotes creative minds to find new ways to earn income. A new genuine idea I just discovered was from a couple who wanted to a find a way to get a more than decent price for their home in Cleveland. Instead of selling their house for a fixed amount on the market they decided to raffle it out. Offering anyone to join in the raffle with a 200 word essay and a $199 fee. They are expecting at least 3,000 entries that would net them $597,000 for the "sale" of the house. Now I congratulate them on their originality, however choose not to even bother submitting my entry for these reasons:
1.) Legality - is this even legal? Have they consulted a lawyer and abided by local and federal laws for conducting a lottery? Are they legally obligated to transfer over the house? What happens to my entry fee if this is found to be illegal.
2.) According to the pictures the Kitchen consists of a table only... where am I going to cook dinner?
3.) What kind of story are they looking for and what will determine who is the winner? What's to stop them for awarding the house to a friend? Can someone lie in their essay? Will they verify the authenticity of someone's sob-story to win the house? My story so far is "I lost three limbs in war, my wife and kids were killed in a home invasion"
Check it out your self: 200wordhome.com
[Tags: internet, links, humor]
200 Word Home
I love how the web promotes creative minds to find new ways to earn income. A new genuine idea I just discovered was from a couple who wanted to a find a way to get a more than decent price for their home in Cleveland. Instead of selling their house for a fixed amount on the market they decided to raffle it out. Offering anyone to join in the raffle with a 200 word essay and a $199 fee. They are expecting at least 3,000 entries that would net them $597,000 for the "sale" of the house. Now I congratulate them on their originality, however choose not to even bother submitting my entry for these reasons:
1.) Legality - is this even legal? Have they consulted a lawyer and abided by local and federal laws for conducting a lottery? Are they legally obligated to transfer over the house? What happens to my entry fee if this is found to be illegal.
2.) According to the pictures the Kitchen consists of a table only... where am I going to cook dinner?
3.) What kind of story are they looking for and what will determine who is the winner? What's to stop them for awarding the house to a friend? Can someone lie in their essay? Will they verify the authenticity of someone's sob-story to win the house? My story so far is "I lost three limbs in war, my wife and kids were killed in a home invasion"
Check it out your self: 200wordhome.com
Posted by TJ on Friday October 12, 2007 @ 05:24 PM
[Tags: humor, shopping, amazon]
Amazon certainly has an interesting variety of meat available for shipping to your home.
Elk Carcass $1,225.00
Link: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00006RU5B...
And if you don't have enough money for an Elk you can always get the less favorable Venison. It;s picture is the same so it may taste the same as well.
Venison Carcass $269.00
Link: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product//B000IDQDYQ...
And finally for those with no appetite for deer meat there always Fresh Rabbit.
Fresh Whole Rabbit $29.50
Link: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product//B00012182G...
For even more fun check out the comments related to each...
[Tags: humor, shopping, amazon]
Amazon certainly has an interesting variety of meat available for shipping to your home.
Elk Carcass $1,225.00
- Product Features:
- Price based on 225 lb. hanging carcass weight
- USDA Inspected farm raised Rocky Mountain Elk
- Shipped to your door in an insulated container 7-
- 14 days after ordering
Carcass cut to your specifications
Less cholesterol than skinless chicken and one half the fat of beef
Link: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00006RU5B...
And if you don't have enough money for an Elk you can always get the less favorable Venison. It;s picture is the same so it may taste the same as well.
Venison Carcass $269.00
- Product Features:
- Price based on 50 lb. hanging carcass weight
- USDA Inspected farm raised Fallow Deer Venison
- Shipped to your door in an insulated container 7-14 days after ordering
- Carcass cut to your specifications
- Less cholesterol than skinless chicken and one half the fat of beef
Link: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product//B000IDQDYQ...
And finally for those with no appetite for deer meat there always Fresh Rabbit.
Fresh Whole Rabbit $29.50
- Product Features
- Approx. 3lbs / 1.4kg
- Product of the USA
Link: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product//B00012182G...
For even more fun check out the comments related to each...
Posted by TJ on Tuesday September 18, 2007 @ 10:26 AM
[Tags: humor, hints, work]
If you happen to be a office cleaner make sure you are following these steps to be the average cleaning professional.
[Tags: humor, hints, work]
If you happen to be a office cleaner make sure you are following these steps to be the average cleaning professional.
- Fill up all soap/paper towel dispensers (and lock if available) and but make sure that you do not feed into dispenser.
- If you have to vacuum make sure to vacuum but only vacuum center of rugs to save time.
- Spray a lot of Lysol and put blue dye into toilets but never actually clean the toilets
- Empty all garbages, but don't pick up anything that fell out of garbage, that's too much work
- Wear a lot of perfume/cologne. Be like most cleaners and smell like you just knocked off the perfume display case at department store.
- Make sure you only clean after hours so no one else is there when you cleaning so they can't say you don't spend enough time.
- Either leave stacks and stacks of extra supplies in the bathroom so you do not need to comeback often or not enough so your clients are happy to see you each time.
- There's no need to clean every space every time. If you alternate missing spots people may never notice.
Posted by TJ on Thursday September 6, 2007 @ 04:06 PM
[Tags: humor, personal, rant]
Yes, I think have good people skills, what kind of idiot question is that?
[Tags: humor, personal, rant]
Yes, I think have good people skills, what kind of idiot question is that?
Posted by TJ on Friday June 29, 2007 @ 03:08 PM
[Tags: links, cellphone, humor]
With the use of cell phones phone cards and pay phones have become a novelty. However this company has found a new use for phone cards. You can use these things to spoof the caller id and have any name show up on the caller id display. So do not wait any longer... buy one... call your mom with County Prison showing up on the display and ask to her bail you out.
[Tags: links, cellphone, humor]
With the use of cell phones phone cards and pay phones have become a novelty. However this company has found a new use for phone cards. You can use these things to spoof the caller id and have any name show up on the caller id display. So do not wait any longer... buy one... call your mom with County Prison showing up on the display and ask to her bail you out.
Posted by TJ on Wednesday June 6, 2007 @ 11:16 PM
[Tags: news, law, humor]
Some one from the sellers of this energy drink must of urged this guy to file this suit. Just think of the sales increase.
I'm out to get me some now... ah maybe not
[Tags: news, law, humor]
Some one from the sellers of this energy drink must of urged this guy to file this suit. Just think of the sales increase.
A man has sued the maker of the health drink Boost Plus, claiming the vitamin-enriched beverage gave him an erection that would not go away and caused him to be hospitalized.
The lawsuit filed by Christopher Woods of Manhattan said he drank the nutrition beverage, which is made by the Novartis pharmaceutical company on June 5th, 2004.
Novartis' Boost Plus Web site describes the drink as "a great tasting, high calorie, nutritionally complete oral supplement for people who require extra energy and protein in a limited volume."
Woods' court papers say he woke up the next morning "with an erection that would not subside" and sought treatment of the condition. The 29-year-old says he underwent surgery that day for implantation of a Winter shunt, which moves blood from one area to another.
The lawsuit, filed late Monday, says Woods had problems that required a hospital visit and medical procedures to close blood vessels on his penis.
Woods' lawsuit seeks unspecified damages. A spokeswoman for the drug company says the company did not comment on pending litigation.
source: http://www.myfoxny.com/
I'm out to get me some now... ah maybe not
Posted by TJ on Thursday April 19, 2007 @ 06:25 AM
[Tags: accounting, taxes, humor]
Top Ten signs you need a new accountant
by TJ
10. He still does not have a email address
09. He claimed your pet hamster as an dependency exemption
08. You call him on March 10th and only receive a message that hes on vacation and will return on April 18th
07. The office watercooler is filled with vodka
06. Counts your traffic tickets as a charitable donation
05. He called you on Easter to talk about your tax return
04. He tells you can get a huge refund if you move to the Caymans
03. He answers every question with "Well I'm not good with numbers"
02. Tells you he donated your refund to the Hillary Campaign
01. Files your tax return with amounts marked "roughly a few thousand"
[Tags: accounting, taxes, humor]
Top Ten signs you need a new accountant
by TJ
10. He still does not have a email address
09. He claimed your pet hamster as an dependency exemption
08. You call him on March 10th and only receive a message that hes on vacation and will return on April 18th
07. The office watercooler is filled with vodka
06. Counts your traffic tickets as a charitable donation
05. He called you on Easter to talk about your tax return
04. He tells you can get a huge refund if you move to the Caymans
03. He answers every question with "Well I'm not good with numbers"
02. Tells you he donated your refund to the Hillary Campaign
01. Files your tax return with amounts marked "roughly a few thousand"
Posted by TJ on Tuesday February 20, 2007 @ 10:33 PM
[Tags: health, humor, rant]
Girls who do not wash their hands It took me a long time to figure out that like boys, girls poop too, however I just noticed that like boys, girls do not wash their hands after they go to the bathroom. I am not saying that it's okay for guys not to wash their hands but I think it's especially gross for girls to engage in this unhealthy behavior. And if you're not going to wash your hands at least wait to the toilet flushes before you exit. A toilet flush and the door opening is a dead give away that you do not wash your hands, and I'd rather not know. Here's a tip don't just wash your hands after the bathroom, wash your hands every chance you get, especially before eating and maybe you won;t get sick so much. I have not been sick in 3 years and haven't been to a docter in 5 years.
[Tags: health, humor, rant]
Girls who do not wash their hands It took me a long time to figure out that like boys, girls poop too, however I just noticed that like boys, girls do not wash their hands after they go to the bathroom. I am not saying that it's okay for guys not to wash their hands but I think it's especially gross for girls to engage in this unhealthy behavior. And if you're not going to wash your hands at least wait to the toilet flushes before you exit. A toilet flush and the door opening is a dead give away that you do not wash your hands, and I'd rather not know. Here's a tip don't just wash your hands after the bathroom, wash your hands every chance you get, especially before eating and maybe you won;t get sick so much. I have not been sick in 3 years and haven't been to a docter in 5 years.
