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Funniest Facebook Status Messages of 2018
Posted by TJ on Monday December 31, 2018 @ 03:31 PM
[Tags: toplist, humor, status]



Another great year with some great post. Below is list compiled of some of the best status messages submitted in 2018. As always we appreciate the contributions of our visitors.

Happy New Year everyone and enjoy.
  1. 190905 May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions! Submitted: Dec 27, 2018
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  2. 190921 Funny how the most romantic gesture you can make nowadays while on a date to show the person your with that your truly interested is done by not looking at your phone. Submitted: Dec 28, 2018 by @Moon
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  3. 190949 And as tradition would have it, I now sincerely regret making plans for NYE Submitted: Dec 31, 2018
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  4. 190771 When I was a kid I used to have an imaginary friend, but now thanks to Facebook I have hundreds of them! Submitted: Dec 18, 2018 by @Moon
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  5. 185345 I'm old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons. Submitted: Apr 09, 2018
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  6. 190558 Turning on your lights and sirens after losing a drag race is just poor sportsmanship Submitted: Dec 06, 2018 by @T
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  7. 190816 In honor of Charles Dickens I am also going to be poor this Christmas Submitted: Dec 21, 2018 by @Kisstopher707
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  8. 190665 "Baby it's cold outside" is bad because it's about a guy is trying to get laid. "Santa Baby" is ok because it's about a girl trying to screw Santa. Got it. Submitted: Dec 13, 2018
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  9. 190698 Oh, the weather outside can bite me. My car won't start to spite me. I can't feel my freakin' toes. Winter blows, Winter blows, Winter blows. Submitted: Dec 15, 2018 by @JeffW
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  10. 190814 The best credit card rewards program is to avoid credit card debt. Submitted: Dec 21, 2018
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  11. 188707 As soon as the new iPhone was announced, a weird thing happened. My old iPhone started begging for its life. Submitted: Sep 10, 2018
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  12. 185987 When my wife falls asleep in a public place, I shake her and yell "DON'T DIE ON ME!" and then people always clap when she wakes up. Submitted: May 04, 2018
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  13. 190517 It's hard to stay humble when someone's dog chooses you over them. Submitted: Dec 04, 2018 by @Kisstopher707
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  14. 190853 I like being invited to things, it's the showing up that bothers me. Submitted: Dec 23, 2018 by @Kisstopher707
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  15. 190592 "did I catch you at a bad time?" "yeah, I'm awake and sober" Submitted: Dec 09, 2018 by @Kisstopher707
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  16. 190903 My New Years resolution for 2019 is to be more assertive if that's okay with you guys? Submitted: Dec 27, 2018
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  17. 190697 Well, I guess we are going to see "The Nutcracker" on Saturday! My mother-in-law, not the play....... Submitted: Dec 15, 2018 by @JeffW
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  18. 184105 This is Assumption Club. I think we all know why we are here. Submitted: Mar 06, 2018
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  19. 183702 Did you know that if you light a candle during a full moon and say the name of the person you love three times you will look very stupid doing that. Submitted: Feb 17, 2018
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  20. 186600 Why do speed walkers look like kids who are told not to run around the pool? Submitted: Jun 03, 2018 by @Jsabbage
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  21. 190594 Welcome to your 40s. Drugs are no longer just for fun, they're medicine now Submitted: Dec 09, 2018
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  22. 186889 I'm just here to offer you a glimmer of nope. Submitted: Jun 20, 2018
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  23. 189564 I ordered botox instead of a bowflex and you can't tell but I'm mad Submitted: Oct 21, 2018
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  24. 185516 So if Carrie Underwood's injury requires 40 stitches and her face comes out looking like that, where do I sign up? Submitted: Apr 16, 2018
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  25. 189452 Using my feet to lift toilet seats or push the flush handle at public restrooms has helped hone my ninja like skills. Submitted: Oct 15, 2018
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  26. 190841 My goal weight it to be able to breathe while tying my shoes. Submitted: Dec 22, 2018
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  27. 190496 Ever hate someone so much you decide to start eating healthy just so you can watch them die first? Submitted: Dec 02, 2018 by @Kisstopher707
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  28. 189056 I said Alexa, what do women want? The damn thing has not shut up for the past three days. Submitted: Sep 25, 2018 by @Haha
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  29. 185034 The misuse of users' Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress. He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time. Submitted: Mar 23, 2018
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  30. 186664 it just me or doesn't anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore? Submitted: Jun 06, 2018
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  31. 186744 I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind." Submitted: Jun 12, 2018
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  32. 185702 Ever noticed that when you are broke, you have common sense. Submitted: Apr 21, 2018
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  33. 187116 I am a brilliant man, I just sometimes can't remember where I parked my car. Submitted: Jun 28, 2018
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  34. 188975 I wouldn't do anything for a Klondike bar, but I would do some sketchy stuff for some coffee. Submitted: Sep 20, 2018
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  35. 189839 I've reached the age where I meet a person I would consider "older" and then find out they're the same age as me. Submitted: Nov 01, 2018
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  36. 189997 Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick. Submitted: Nov 06, 2018
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  37. 183511 I am concerned about the safety of my children most when they start smart-mouthing and rolling their eyes Submitted: Feb 09, 2018
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  38. 190246 I wonder where Noah kept the termites on the ark. Submitted: Nov 18, 2018
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  39. 182625 This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents' house Submitted: Jan 01, 2018
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  40. 185578 Its still winter because Mother Nature saw all our summer bodies and decided we weren't ready yet. Submitted: Apr 17, 2018 by @@UncleBSolomon
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  41. 190333 Javascript is when your doctor writes you a prescription for more coffee. Everyone knows that. Submitted: Nov 22, 2018 by @Kisstopher707
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  42. 186777 If you raise your children, you spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grandkids. Submitted: Jun 14, 2018
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  43. 182709 It's Thursday, or as I like to call it, Day 4 of the hostage situation. Submitted: Jan 05, 2018
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  44. 183163 Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space Submitted: Jan 24, 2018 by @markf
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  45. 187106 Mom: Some scary old lady keeps FaceTiming me. Me: Mom, turn your camera around and she'll go away. Submitted: Jun 27, 2018
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  46. 188437 Facebook just suggested I poke my wife.....yeah good one Facebook.....been trying for weeks! Submitted: Aug 28, 2018 by @Stevielea
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  47. 189435 You can say "Have a nice day!" with no problem but you can't say "Enjoy the next 24 hours." without sounding mildly threatening. Submitted: Oct 13, 2018
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  48. 182805 A fun prank for Halloween is to train your dog to sit and growl at the padlocked closet as your guests arrive Submitted: Jan 09, 2018
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  49. 183481 The amount of time my smartphone spends plugged in charging, you might as well want to call it a Land-line Submitted: Feb 08, 2018
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  50. 185413 I wish people who say 'thanks, but no thanks' would make up their mind on where they stand on gratitude. Submitted: Apr 12, 2018
    Status Image You can browse thousands more of our funny status messages here: http://tjshome.com/statusmessages.php .



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