Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon "Living well is the best revenge" Me: *googles second best revenge*
←Rate | 08-08-2024 01:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your call is very important to us, please hold while we disconnect your call. ~ AT&T
←Rate | 08-08-2024 01:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Places finger on cop’s lips ~ “Shhh…. We were both speeding, okay? I forgive you.”
←Rate | 01-06-2023 18:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never interrupt your opponent while he's making a mistake.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wonder if the skulls of your enemies are dishwasher safe. Asking for a friend.
←Rate | 07-01-2022 01:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you see your-self as Robin Hood, Prince of Jokes. Stealing from group to feed another, spreading joy across the land.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 15:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Start each day with a positive thought like; “in 16 hours, I can go back to bed.”
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 2020 We aren’t allowed to go in public. 2022 We can’t afford to go in public.
←Rate | 06-19-2022 02:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can’t change someone who doesn’t see an issue with their actions.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 19:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Her: Undress me with your words. Him: There’s a spider in your bra.
←Rate | 06-08-2022 01:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tried being normal once, it was the most boring ten minutes of my life.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You’re the reason God created the middle finger.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you had a scratch and sniff map of the world, what would your current location smell like?
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years without a brain is good news for you.
←Rate | 07-08-2022 09:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The IRS: “Oh yeah, you can milk anything with nipples.”
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shuts down laptop: I think that’s enough internet for today. Picks up phone: Let’s see what the pocket-sized internet is doing.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Friend 1: I do yoga 5 days a week. Friend 2: I plan vegan meals a week in advance. Me: I eat cake over the sink, so I don’t get crumbs in my bed.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 02:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Be wary of half-truths, you may get the wrong half.
←Rate | 01-09-2023 02:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When they can’t control or manipulate you, they smear you. 😔
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I carry a whistle at the grocery store, in case someone tries to violate the sanctity of the 15 items or less lane.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 23:16 Comments (0)  




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