Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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"Living well is the best revenge" Me: *googles second best revenge*
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08-08-2024 01:48
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Your call is very important to us, please hold while we disconnect your call. ~ AT&T
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08-08-2024 01:50
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Places finger on cop’s lips ~ “Shhh…. We were both speeding, okay? I forgive you.”
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01-06-2023 18:28
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Never interrupt your opponent while he's making a mistake.
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01-06-2023 01:48
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Wonder if the skulls of your enemies are dishwasher safe. Asking for a friend.
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07-01-2022 01:49
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When you see your-self as Robin Hood, Prince of Jokes. Stealing from group to feed another, spreading joy across the land.
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01-08-2023 15:25
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Start each day with a positive thought like; “in 16 hours, I can go back to bed.”
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01-18-2023 01:15
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2020 We aren’t allowed to go in public. 2022 We can’t afford to go in public.
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06-19-2022 02:36
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You can’t change someone who doesn’t see an issue with their actions.
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01-06-2023 19:34
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Her: Undress me with your words. Him: There’s a spider in your bra.
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06-08-2022 01:38
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Tried being normal once, it was the most boring ten minutes of my life.
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01-13-2023 02:50
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You’re the reason God created the middle finger.
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01-19-2023 04:10
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If you had a scratch and sniff map of the world, what would your current location smell like?
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01-06-2023 01:31
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The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years without a brain is good news for you.
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07-08-2022 09:05
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The IRS: “Oh yeah, you can milk anything with nipples.”
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01-08-2023 17:25
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Shuts down laptop: I think that’s enough internet for today. Picks up phone: Let’s see what the pocket-sized internet is doing.
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01-13-2023 02:31
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Friend 1: I do yoga 5 days a week. Friend 2: I plan vegan meals a week in advance. Me: I eat cake over the sink, so I don’t get crumbs in my bed.
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01-19-2023 02:01
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Be wary of half-truths, you may get the wrong half.
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01-09-2023 02:48
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When they can’t control or manipulate you, they smear you. 😔
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01-23-2023 03:06
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I carry a whistle at the grocery store, in case someone tries to violate the sanctity of the 15 items or less lane.
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06-24-2022 23:16
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