Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon to the people who put antlers and a red rudolph nose on your car for christmas, you can’t fool me I know that’s a car
←Rate | 11-23-2020 13:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Husband: We need to stop spending so much money. Me: *fluffing the pillows on the dogs’ new paw patrol beds* not sure what you mean by that but okay.
←Rate | 11-20-2020 08:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't wait for Biden's tell-all book to come out. It's titled "You know, the thing.."
←Rate | 11-24-2020 23:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My body is the result of thousands of pull ups. Pull up to the donut shop Pull up to the drive thru window Pull up results for “nearest pizza buffet”
←Rate | 06-01-2020 12:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The world would be a better place if we all got along like the “Price Is Right” audience.
←Rate | 10-28-2020 07:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Out of all my body parts, my eyeballs are in the best shape because I roll them like 300 times a day...
←Rate | 06-18-2020 13:05 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not to brag but I used hand soap before it was trending.
←Rate | 03-06-2020 06:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you." -Honest spam
←Rate | 05-31-2020 09:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’ve had a lot more interest from women since I’ve been forced to wear a mask and I don’t know how to feel about that.
←Rate | 07-14-2020 09:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why are the people on soap operas always CEOs? Nobody works at Walmart?
←Rate | 11-23-2020 07:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The further a society drifts from the truth, The more it will hate those who speak it...
←Rate | 08-16-2020 11:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people shouldn’t be informed when this quarantine is over.
←Rate | 09-17-2020 07:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My five year plan is to make it through this year.
←Rate | 08-06-2020 21:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We haven’t seen the full damage this epidemic will cause, that will happen in about five to seven months with all of the gender reveal parties.
←Rate | 09-30-2020 15:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mama Bear: The porridge is ready Papa Bear: Perfect let’s leave for a couple of hours
←Rate | 10-01-2020 07:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sometimes wonder when I turn on the news if I'm watching breaking news about the Coronavirus or if they've playing the same broadcast on repeat since March?
←Rate | 10-03-2020 23:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A lie doesn't become truth, wrong doesn't become right, and evil doesn't become good, just because it's accepted by a majority.
←Rate | 07-23-2020 20:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t adopt a puppy to see if you’re ready for kids. Adopt a homeless guy with diarrhea & a bunch of stories that don’t go anywhere.
←Rate | 08-10-2020 08:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon With the way 2020 has been going I couldn't decide last night if I wanted to sit outside to watch the meteorite shower or take cover.
←Rate | 08-12-2020 12:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Social distancing has taken all the fun out of avoiding people.
←Rate | 09-10-2020 16:17 Comments (0)  




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