Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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"Living well is the best revenge" Me: *googles second best revenge*
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08-08-2024 01:48
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Your call is very important to us, please hold while we disconnect your call. ~ AT&T
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08-08-2024 01:50
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According to my chocolate calendar, there are only three days left until Valentine’s Day.
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01-04-2023 02:41
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When today’s safety meeting is about what you did yesterday.
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06-30-2022 01:06
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Places finger on cop’s lips ~ “Shhh…. We were both speeding, okay? I forgive you.”
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01-06-2023 18:28
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Never interrupt your opponent while he's making a mistake.
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01-06-2023 01:48
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That moment when you miss one step on the stairs, and you think you’re about to die.
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01-12-2023 01:14
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When you see your-self as Robin Hood, Prince of Jokes. Stealing from group to feed another, spreading joy across the land.
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01-08-2023 15:25
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Wonder if the skulls of your enemies are dishwasher safe. Asking for a friend.
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07-01-2022 01:49
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2020 We aren’t allowed to go in public. 2022 We can’t afford to go in public.
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06-19-2022 02:36
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My favorite part of winter is when it’s over.
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01-06-2023 01:02
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Start each day with a positive thought like; “in 16 hours, I can go back to bed.”
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01-18-2023 01:15
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You can’t change someone who doesn’t see an issue with their actions.
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01-06-2023 19:34
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Old computer games couldn’t be won, they just got harder and faster until you died. Just like in real life.
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01-06-2023 18:40
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An elderly woman was walking her dog when a young man grabbed her purse and ran away. I asked if she was okay. She said, “it’s no big deal really, I only carry that old purse to put my dog’s poop in it.”
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01-12-2023 01:05
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IKEA needs to provide better descriptions on their furniture like, what is the divorce rate on assembling this 8-drawer dresser.
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01-18-2023 01:05
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You’re the reason God created the middle finger.
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01-19-2023 04:10
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When your fart smells like death and you’re waiting for your friend to smell it.
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06-24-2022 23:14
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Her: Undress me with your words. Him: There’s a spider in your bra.
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06-08-2022 01:38
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If you had a scratch and sniff map of the world, what would your current location smell like?
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01-06-2023 01:31
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