Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I had a lazy eye as a child and now the rest of my body has caught up.
←Rate | 08-07-2020 08:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My kid wouldn’t eat it after he ordered it so I had to: A parents guide.
←Rate | 08-07-2020 09:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon the embarrassment of competing in a rap battle and finding out your opponent is your doctor who does not care about hipaa violations
←Rate | 08-07-2020 08:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Welcome to your fifties. You have seven pairs of reading glasses throughout your house, but you can’t find any of them, including the ones on your head.
←Rate | 07-08-2020 12:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No, things are not getting worse. They are just getting more obvious.
←Rate | 07-19-2020 11:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stop blaming politicians and start blaming the fortune tellers. They knew, and they did nothing.
←Rate | 06-24-2020 08:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Acknowledge many, trust few, but always paddle your own Canoe
←Rate | 07-13-2020 16:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My body is the result of thousands of pull ups. Pull up to the donut shop Pull up to the drive thru window Pull up results for “nearest pizza buffet”
←Rate | 06-01-2020 12:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon hmm didn’t realize until coronavirus how shocking it is to walk into a Walmart men’s room and see all the sinks actually being used
←Rate | 03-06-2020 10:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 87% of gym members don’t even know their gym is closed
←Rate | 04-05-2020 07:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A lie doesn't become truth, wrong doesn't become right, and evil doesn't become good, just because it's accepted by a majority.
←Rate | 07-23-2020 20:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My gardening skills improved since the quarantine. I planted myself on the sofa in April and have grown bigger ever since...
←Rate | 06-14-2020 09:45 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Look, all I know is none of this sh*t was going on when Mtv still played music videos.
←Rate | 06-19-2020 08:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’ve had a lot more interest from women since I’ve been forced to wear a mask and I don’t know how to feel about that.
←Rate | 07-14-2020 09:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’ve just been wearing a towel for 5 days so everyone thinks I showered.
←Rate | 07-15-2020 08:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It only takes one slow walking person in the grocery store to destroy the illusion that I’m a nice person.
←Rate | 12-31-2019 19:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not to brag but I used hand soap before it was trending.
←Rate | 03-06-2020 06:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guys, please recycle. We wanna leave a better world for Betty White and Keith Richards when we’re gone.
←Rate | 05-05-2019 12:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Porn gives young people an unrealistic and unhealthy idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.
←Rate | 08-14-2017 20:55 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Now would be a good time for Walmart to do an alignment on all those crooked shopping cart wheels
←Rate | 04-16-2020 08:09 Comments (0)  




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