Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon That moment when you're tired and sleepy, and you drag yourself to bed but then your brain says, "Ha ha, just kidding!" I hate that.
←Rate | 05-27-2020 21:35 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's a good thing that not everyone owns a smartphone..Someone has to HONK when the light turns green.
←Rate | 12-10-2019 18:40 by MiMisHouse Comments (0)  


   messageicon So showing up at the bank with a mask and gloves is okay now
←Rate | 03-20-2020 02:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Purell is the most expensive bottle of alcohol in the country.
←Rate | 03-11-2020 08:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lori Loughlin is wondering how the Coronavirus got into Princeton and her kid didn’t.
←Rate | 03-19-2020 08:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Which fast food place has the softest napkins? Asking for a friend.
←Rate | 03-20-2020 13:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 87% of gym members don’t even know their gym is closed
←Rate | 04-05-2020 07:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guys, please recycle. We wanna leave a better world for Betty White and Keith Richards when we’re gone.
←Rate | 05-05-2019 12:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not to brag but I used hand soap before it was trending.
←Rate | 03-06-2020 06:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
←Rate | 12-29-2017 07:57 by Funny Comments (1)  


   messageicon To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you're happy now!!!
←Rate | 07-30-2018 19:28 by Truman Comments (4)  


   messageicon With the rise in self-driving vehicles, eventually there will a Country and Western song about your truck leaving you too.
←Rate | 06-23-2017 08:45 Comments (2)  


   messageicon It only takes one slow walking person in the grocery store to destroy the illusion that I’m a nice person.
←Rate | 12-31-2019 19:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why would I pay for a haunted house when I can wake up to a 7 yr old silently standing in the bed over me at 5AM
←Rate | 10-19-2017 23:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let’s take a moment to be thankful that ponytails don’t wag like dog tails when we’re excited.
←Rate | 02-19-2020 07:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let me show you how you can claim your dog as a dependent on your tax return. ~Me flirting
←Rate | 03-03-2020 09:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon hmm didn’t realize until coronavirus how shocking it is to walk into a Walmart men’s room and see all the sinks actually being used
←Rate | 03-06-2020 10:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you’re ever wondering if you and your spouse are on the same page fold a large blanket together. You’ll have your answer quickly.
←Rate | 04-07-2020 19:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon it me or do the birds and critters seem so much louder now - like their taunting us?
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone told me they never understood the concept of cloning, I replied "That makes two of us"
←Rate | 05-25-2020 14:34 Comments (0)  




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