Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Ask your Dr. if you're healthy enough for sex and if that goes well, ask them if they're seeing anyone.
←Rate | 03-18-2017 12:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
←Rate | 03-23-2017 12:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Patience is what I have when there are too many witnesses.
←Rate | 03-25-2017 10:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trump is already claiming that voter fraud is to blame for losing health care vote.
←Rate | 03-25-2017 16:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Where are all the peaceful Musl/Ms marching against terrorism?
←Rate | 03-25-2017 16:46 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Sometimes I meet people and feel sorry for their dog.
←Rate | 03-25-2017 10:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon New chapters in The Art of the Deal sequel: 1) Insult Your Way to an Unpassable Health Bill. 2) Build the Wall and Make Mexico Pay Nothing.
←Rate | 03-25-2017 16:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I guess I missed the chapter in "The Art of the Deal" about getting rejected by the Freedom Caucus.
←Rate | 03-25-2017 16:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Devin Nunes is also sorry: 1) He told your abusive husband where you were hiding. 2) You were born poor. 3) He didn't ask Vlad for more cash.
←Rate | 03-25-2017 16:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Obamacare lives because the replacement is not horrible enough for the GOP. Well that's ironic.
←Rate | 03-25-2017 16:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who needs health insurance when this current administration makes you want to die every half hour on the hour?
←Rate | 03-25-2017 16:06 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Federal prison... Obama will be there.
←Rate | 03-25-2017 16:52 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Not sure what's longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
←Rate | 03-21-2017 18:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
←Rate | 03-22-2017 09:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Spent 40 minutes on the treadmill this morning. Next time I might turn it on.
←Rate | 03-21-2017 18:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If my psychiatrist said "There's really nothing more I can do for you", that means I'm cured right??
←Rate | 03-14-2017 02:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A small *ATM room* which is equipped with *2 ACs* and *4 tubelights, working 24 hours, is asking me not to print receipt to save environment
←Rate | 03-01-2017 05:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got Jennifer Aniston's autograph! Well, it's on a restraining order but still...
←Rate | 03-17-2017 07:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Truth is truth even if nobody believes it. Lies are still lies even if everybody believes it.
←Rate | 03-21-2017 18:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Anyone know exactly how long we are supposed to "Shake It Off"? Taylor Swift never specified and frankly I'm exhausted.
←Rate | 03-21-2017 11:33 Comments (0)  

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