Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
←Rate | 01-21-2017 11:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 'Half the world is made up of people with something to say but can't & the other half is made up of people with nothing to say but keep on saying it anyway.'
←Rate | 01-21-2017 11:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Funny how there are marches around the world protesting a democratically elected president
←Rate | 01-21-2017 16:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trump is already working wonders, all these people marching = Exercise and aiding weight loss. = Positive
←Rate | 01-21-2017 16:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A lot of sandwiches are not being made today
←Rate | 01-21-2017 15:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Shout out to all the brave men that had to make their own sandwich for lunch today.
←Rate | 01-21-2017 16:01 by SPPRCLB Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you love someone, set them free. If they come back with the police then setting them free was probably a bad idea.
←Rate | 01-21-2017 16:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When your kids become teenagers, it's important to have a dog so someone in the house is happy to see you.
←Rate | 12-17-2016 08:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Your Facebook posts are like your children. Some go on to become successful and others make you look stupid.
←Rate | 01-18-2017 12:50 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.
←Rate | 01-11-2017 14:21 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation....
←Rate | 12-12-2016 08:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon For next season's "Survivor" series, let's get 16 college millennials and force them to live in the real world.
←Rate | 01-04-2017 09:02 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Found out today you cannot join a gym "just to watch".
←Rate | 06-21-2016 04:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So I read that Uber is going to start using self-driving cars to drive people around... Which is a great idea.. But I'm just thinking, if a car drives up to my house to take me somewhere with nobody in it.. I'm pretty sure I just got myself a new car...
←Rate | 12-17-2016 15:59 by Bryan j brown Comments (0)  

   messageicon Balloons are so much more expensive than when I was a kid... Probably due to,,,,, you know,, inflation.
←Rate | 12-11-2016 19:24 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon What this country needs is more unemployed politicians....
←Rate | 01-06-2017 07:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When a girl says she wants you to splurge on her, calm down, it's not what you think...
←Rate | 01-14-2017 08:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
←Rate | 03-26-2016 19:06 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon It is amazing how many people have bad reactions to gluten, peanuts, and facts.
←Rate | 12-30-2016 06:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I miss the old time movie stars. You know, the ones that wore clothes and had talent?
←Rate | 12-21-2016 09:32 Comments (0)  

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