Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Can you put tequila in a humidifier? Just asking for a friend.
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12-06-2019 13:14 by RichMcC
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After eating this cereal for 30 years I am still neither lucky nor charming.
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12-11-2019 15:07
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A Citizen's Arrest for the next person who asks me if I'm ready for Christmas.
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12-03-2019 13:50
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Donald Duck can walk around Disney pantless and everyone loves him, but when I do it, it’s “indecent”?
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12-05-2019 13:37
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HOW TO WRAP PRESENTS: - Ask somebody else to wrap presents
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12-05-2019 13:52
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The dollar tree has motion sensor Christmas ornaments that blast jingle bells in case your family doesn't already hate you...
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12-06-2019 09:16
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Christmas as a child: "Socks and Money? This is ridiculous!" Christmas as an adult: "SOCKS AND MONEY? HOW DID YOU KNOW? THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED. I LOVE YOU"
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12-06-2019 09:05
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I used to like watching dramas like the Days of Our Lives and As the World Turns, but now I have Facebook.
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12-02-2019 12:40
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I deduct 5% gratuity for every extra spoon my Cheesecake Factory server puts on my plate, "In case I feel like sharing."
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12-07-2019 08:37
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Do you have tin foil? Then you have everything you need to make tin foil balls. Stay tuned for more last-minute gift ideas.
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12-05-2019 13:53
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Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.
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12-05-2019 11:45
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Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is to know what rhymes with "Hug me" Love, Robin Thicke
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12-05-2019 13:52
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By the time my father was my age he had amassed, like, 30 coffee cans full of screws. I have none. What have I done with my life?
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12-11-2019 13:26
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I am always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank.
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12-11-2019 15:06
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You can tell the age of an artificial Christmas tree by the lines of duct tape around the box it's stored in.
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12-05-2019 11:23
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Not to brag, but I still haven’t buttoned my pants back up from Thanksgiving.
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12-05-2019 13:57
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My phone auto-corrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer". I sent it anyways...
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12-05-2019 08:57
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The holidays are always tough on me.... One year for Christmas , I made a gingerbread house that wasn't up to code & it collapsed on a tiny, little gingerbread family. Still haunts me.
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12-05-2019 09:06
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Roadside sobriety test are getting ridiculous. Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet .
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12-11-2019 08:10
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Ring = she’s married Nose ring = she’s married to a bull
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12-11-2019 13:30
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