Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or Whatsapp profile.

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   messageicon Always wonder why do people even bother making good quality pinatas?
←Rate | 06-26-2016 22:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Brexit could be followed by Grexit, Departugal, Italeave, Czechout, Oustria, Finish, Slovakout, Latervia, Byegium. Only Remania will stay.
←Rate | 06-28-2016 23:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Money aside, what do you wish you had more of?All the money that you've pushed to the side
←Rate | 06-28-2016 13:33 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Meh, Meh, Meh, Meh, Meh, Meh, Meh, Meh, Meh, Meh... -People flipping the channels at 4 am in the morning
←Rate | 06-28-2016 14:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Based on the sounds coming from my neighbors house, they're either having amazing sex or putting together a dresser from Ikea.
←Rate | 06-26-2016 23:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes I feel like people I know are just using me for my likes.
←Rate | 06-23-2016 12:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's like Canada is the concerned child watching her aging mother (Britain) and weirdo big brother (United States) descend into chaos in 2016, unsure who to worry over first.
←Rate | 06-26-2016 22:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Found out today you cannot join a gym "just to watch".
←Rate | 06-21-2016 04:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon After spending any time on social media you can understand why they need to write "Do Not Eat" on silica packets.
←Rate | 06-21-2016 16:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Now it's too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
←Rate | 06-16-2016 01:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it's Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes.
←Rate | 06-23-2016 05:39 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Biggest oxymoron ever: Customer service. Biggest lie ever: This call "may" be recorded for "training" purposes.
←Rate | 06-22-2016 17:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon With so many things coming back in style, I can't wait till loyalty and morals become the new trend again.
←Rate | 06-17-2016 14:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon God grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I will not read.
←Rate | 06-21-2016 04:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I see myself as one day being an old man in an assisted living facility crushing my pill cups with my bare hands to impress the nurses.
←Rate | 06-18-2016 08:10 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Just saw a guy with a Support Dyslexia bumper sticker on the front of his car.
←Rate | 06-21-2016 04:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dog farts smell worse than human farts because they've been in there seven times longer.
←Rate | 06-28-2016 14:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just found out AT&T stands for Atlantic Telephone and Telegraph. I think my internet is connected to the telegraph side.
←Rate | 06-19-2016 06:18 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I'm not sure if there's anything sadder than watching someone eat Sonic in their car by themselves.
←Rate | 06-26-2016 22:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you think she posts a lot of photos of her pregnancy wait until that kid arrives.
←Rate | 06-21-2016 15:20 Comments (0)  

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