Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Me: She really needs to calm down. Alcohol: You should tell her.
←Rate | 05-17-2018 23:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once booked a cruise just so I could walk around for 7 days saying “Looks like we’re all in the same boat” to everyone else on board.
←Rate | 06-19-2018 02:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I take my irresponsibilities seriously.
←Rate | 06-20-2018 05:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friend's dog is tough. I interrogated him for over an hour and he still wouldn't tell me who's a good boy.
←Rate | 07-05-2018 07:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon FIFA refs should issue pink cards for flopping.
←Rate | 07-06-2018 02:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let's get married. Whoever gets out with their soul wins.
←Rate | 07-08-2018 13:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not to brag, but in some circles I am known as “That chick who always knocks stuff over.”
←Rate | 07-14-2018 12:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say two heads are better than one. Untill it's their baby.
←Rate | 07-16-2018 03:08 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer? You smart people just grinned; didn't you?
←Rate | 07-16-2018 09:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "You tube's How to use a fire extinguisher shouldn't have a advert before it.
←Rate | 07-17-2018 23:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can tell the Beastie Boys were really close because they would finish each other’s sentences.
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The more random people you see jogging for no reason the higher the rent is going up
←Rate | 07-21-2018 11:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon it's so hot, Bloods and Crips have resorted to shooting each other with super soakers
←Rate | 07-25-2018 14:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If someone works with a bunch of a$$holes all day. Can they add proctologist to their resume?
←Rate | 08-15-2018 20:10 by Haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon That annoying moment when you cannot find the long side of your blanket.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you glue a dead wasp to your palm, you can smack your boss on the back of the head as hard as you want and act like you saved him.
←Rate | 09-14-2018 07:21 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon The I before E except after C rule has been disproven by science.
←Rate | 09-14-2018 18:31 by Haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every loaf of bread is a tragic story about a field of grain that could have become beer but didn't.
←Rate | 09-24-2018 08:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When does hibernation start? Because I'm 100% participating in that!!
←Rate | 10-10-2018 14:48 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Girlfriend says our sex-life is so bad because I get so easily distracted? Ah well!..back to it I suppose!
←Rate | 10-21-2018 05:44 by Truman Comments (0)  




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