Posted by TJ on Friday January 4, 2013 @ 12:41 AM
[Tags: tjshome, facebook, humor]

Below are some of the best Funny Facebook Status Messages submissions from 2012 based on your votes.

1. 62075 You know your getting old when you drop something on the floor and instead picking it right back up, you just stare at it for a minute or two... Submitted 12-28-2012 by Pime
2. 91801 I couldn't find the thingy that peels the carrots and potatoes, so I asked the kids if they'd seen it. Apparently she left me yesterday. Submitted 02-24-2012 by hihuggiehi
3. 117076 I tried cooking with wine for the first time last night ...After 5 glasses I forgot why I was in the kitchen. Submitted 11-15-2012
4. 117833 When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That's why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson. Submitted 11-25-2012 by Czovczov
5. 117880 You don't get smarter as you get older. There just aren't any stupid things left that you haven't already done. Submitted 11-25-2012 by BEGO
6. 117980 Thank you for informing me that you have a stick figure family of 6 and a dog. Your minivan had me under the impression that you were wild and single. Submitted 11-27-2012
7. 118160 I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mom's bedroom. I can't believe it.. She's a superhero! Submitted 11-30-2012 by hihuggiehi
8. 118648 The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man's ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob. Submitted 12-07-2012 by snotty
9. 118908 A Shout Out to all the beautiful women who don't need to dress half naked to get a man's attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me. Submitted 12-11-2012 by StonerDudee
10. 119090 Whenever I see a lone female jogging at night I follow her in my car from a noticable distance because there are a lot of weirdos out there. Submitted 12-13-2012 by Czovczov
11. 119122 I told everybody at work that I've got 18 cats just to make sure none of them ever want to come over for anything. Submitted 12-13-2012 by BEGO
12. 119241 If you love her, let her go out drinking with her friends.. If she calls you drunk, she is yours.. If she turns off her cell, she never was. Submitted 12-15-2012 by @spitfirefreak
13. 119378 All I'm saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first. Submitted 12-16-2012 by Marshall the Great
14. 119401 Judging by how many people brazenly wander into traffic while staring at their phone, there must be some force-field app I don't know about. Submitted 12-17-2012 by flinnie
15. 119463 To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches. Submitted 12-17-2012 by Marshall the Great
16. 119486 I have a black belt in leather Submitted 12-18-2012 by snotty
17. 119525 If I get a teardrop tattoo, do the welfare checks come to the house or is it direct deposit? Submitted 12-19-2012 by Baddie
18. 119620 Girlfriend texted me, "I have tried my best to make this relationship work but I seem to be the only one trying. So I have decided to break up with you and move on with my life. Can you delete my number and never contact me." I replied, "Who's this?" Submitted 12-20-2012
19. 119777 If getting into heaven is based on how many times you have tried to close the elevator door before someone else gets on, I am screwed. Submitted 12-21-2012 by Nunthewizr
20. 119817 Recycle your dog and cat poop! No need to throw it away! Put it to good use and mail it to: Westboro Baptist Church C/O Fred Waldron Phelps Sr. 3791 SW 12th St Topeka KS 66604 Submitted 12-28-2012
21. 119989 If you think this years elections were nasty think of the ones in thirty years when all of the candidates had a Facebook their entire life. Submitted 12-24-2012 by Huck
22. 120078 Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress. Submitted 12-25-2012 by Mickey
23. 120492 I guess since you can't adopt Russian children anymore, you will just have to wait until they are old enough to be a mail order bride. Submitted 12-29-2012
24. 120526 If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple 'Thank you.' is all I need! Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business! Submitted 12-30-2012 by flinnie
25. 120527 Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take, I'll be watching you. - Dog Submitted 12-30-2012 by Huck
26. 120561 Apparently reenacting scenes from the deadliest catch is frowned upon at the Red Lobster. Submitted 12-31-2012 by jcow1den

Check out the Funny Status Message page for more!