Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Start each day with a positive thought like; “in 16 hours, I can go back to bed.”
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01-18-2023 01:15
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Tried being normal once, it was the most boring ten minutes of my life.
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01-13-2023 02:50
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If you had a scratch and sniff map of the world, what would your current location smell like?
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01-06-2023 01:31
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The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years without a brain is good news for you.
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07-08-2022 09:05
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Be wary of half-truths, you may get the wrong half.
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01-09-2023 02:48
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Zuckerberg is responsible for my multiple profile disorder.
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01-13-2023 02:41
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Me: My dog is probably thinking about other dogs. My dog: “What was Scar’s name before he got that scar?”
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01-10-2023 02:13
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Some of my friends exercise every day. Meanwhile, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell in the floor.
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06-21-2022 22:45
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Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situation again to see if you’re still stupid.
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06-26-2022 00:10
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It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while, to remind yourself why you don’t go out.
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01-12-2023 01:08
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How about taco Wednesday’s, no one has ever done that before.
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01-19-2023 01:53
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They’re not red flags, they’re fun facts about me.
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06-24-2022 23:15
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Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize that they meant autumn, and not the collapse of civilization.
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06-27-2022 03:05
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All my updates come with an extra helping of cornbread dressing. While supplies last.
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01-04-2023 02:36
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I can do all things through spite, which strengthens me.
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01-18-2023 01:18
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Apparently, “the vibes are off” isn’t a good enough excuse to leave work early.
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04-22-2022 00:13
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The older I get, the less life in prison is a deterrent.
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01-06-2023 17:52
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May life treat you the way you treat waiters and animals.
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01-04-2023 02:43
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My phone is always in my hand. So, if you think I’m ignoring you, I am.
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01-13-2023 02:48
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Grocery shopping is a constant battle between not buying snacks, so you won’t be tempted and being angry that there’s nothing to eat.
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01-18-2023 01:01
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