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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

A huge collection of status updates for your facebook, twitter, or myspace profiles.
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X says the world needs a hero - I'll go change my clothes
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<--Rate | Submitted: 09-03-2010 05:06 by pips Comments (0)


X Slogan Of 2010 " Google Before You Tweet "Is The New "Think Before You Speak "
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<--Rate | Submitted: 09-03-2010 05:04 by KOC Comments (0)


X People say I have an obsessive personality, but after thousands of hours of research spanning nearly a decade, I can find no conclusive evidence supporting this.
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<--Rate | Submitted: 09-03-2010 06:28 Comments (0)


X I saw the most intelligent piece of graffiti ever today.I was dropping a batch in a public toilet when I saw something written in very small writing at the bottom of the door. As I leaned over to see it closer it read..."You are now s***ting at a 45°
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<--Rate | Submitted: 09-03-2010 06:11 by KOC Comments (0)


X Getting snubbed by the left turn arrow at an intersection after waiting your turn is annoying. Getting skipped twice? I will murder you, light! But a third time?! Clearly a valid legal defense for blowing right through that mother f*cker.
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<--Rate | Submitted: 09-03-2010 05:20 Comments (0)


X I feel bad when I see a bug on my car when I'm heading to work. Even if the thing manages to hang on the entire way, it's still gonna be like, "Whew, okay, I didn't die. Now...where the F*CK am I?"
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<--Rate | Submitted: 09-03-2010 06:21 Comments (0)


X Before going out last night, one of my friends asked if there was anything going on at the bar we were going to. Well, I'm pretty sure they're going to be serving drinks. What else matters?
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<--Rate | Submitted: 09-03-2010 05:46 Comments (0)


X OMG!! I Just failed my theory test. Apparently female drivers aren't a hazard.
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<--Rate | Submitted: 09-03-2010 05:48 by KOC Comments (0)


X People give all kinds of excuses to the cellphone guys at the mall as to why they won't stop. "I have a phone with you guys already," or "I just signed a new contract." Personally, I like to cut to the chase with, "I hate you guys."
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<--Rate | Submitted: 09-03-2010 06:25 Comments (0)


X It's a good thing I'm not a cellar-master for a winery, because I'd be terrible at my job. "This wine is going to taste so good in like 6 years...or, we could pop this b*tch open right now..."
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<--Rate | Submitted: 09-03-2010 06:10 Comments (0)


X I was running out on this circular trail when a guy wearing a yellow jersey passes me on a bike. The first time it was, "Ha, Tour de France!." The second time it was, "Man, he's pretty fast." Third time, "F*cking Lance Armstrong wannabe show-off jerk."
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<--Rate | Submitted: 09-03-2010 06:33 Comments (0)


X I left a note in the coffee area at work saying I had found five bucks. I hadn't found any money, but it was worth five dollars to learn which of my co-workers is a lying douchebag.
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<--Rate | Submitted: 09-02-2010 09:58 Comments (0)


X I don't particularly care that your menu options have recently changed nor will I be listening carefully... I will be hitting 0 and # repeatedly until a real person gets on the line.
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<--Rate | Submitted: 09-02-2010 06:52 Comments (0)


X says I don't know what my credit score is but I'm pretty sure I'm losing.
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<--Rate | Submitted: 09-02-2010 19:04 by Aaron Comments (0)


X They say the best thing to do for a woman is to make her laugh. I'd feel better if I actually spoke before she started laughing.
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<--Rate | Submitted: 09-02-2010 06:46 Comments (0)


X I avoid "online dating sites" because they match you up with people who share your interests and I don’t want to go out with a weirdo.
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<--Rate | Submitted: 08-27-2010 13:06 Comments (0)


X Whenever you see a sword swallower perform, it makes you wonder what sort of activities they used to do to make them realize they had this talent.
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<--Rate | Submitted: 08-28-2010 06:58 by MBH Comments (0)


X According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
<--Rate | Submitted: 03-10-2010 10:48 by Mduduzi Comments (0)


X says You never realize how weird your family is until you start to describe them to someone else
<--Rate | Submitted: 05-06-2010 15:39 Comments (0)


X My bank lets me send a text message and it'll text back with my balance. It's a cool feature but I didn't think the LOL was necessary.
<--Rate | Submitted: 08-11-2010 16:46 Comments (0)




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