Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon How many instruments must you be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?
←Rate | 08-15-2020 11:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The further a society drifts from the truth, The more it will hate those who speak it...
←Rate | 08-16-2020 11:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said thanks how do you know I’m not a serial killer? I replied the chances of two serial killer’s being in the same car are astronomical.
←Rate | 06-08-2018 18:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m really thankful I had a childhood before social media took over.
←Rate | 11-30-2020 12:47 Comments (1)  


   messageicon My toddler held my hand all the way to the bathroom, gave me a kiss when I sat down, then stole my toilet paper roll and ran out of the bathroom laughing in case you were wondering what it’s like to be a parent.
←Rate | 08-10-2020 08:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pro tip: Fill the piñata with ketchup and you never have to host a children’s birthday party again. You’re welcome
←Rate | 10-06-2020 08:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 2020: How to turn 5 pieces of clothing into a yearlong wardrobe.
←Rate | 12-14-2020 09:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Out of all my body parts, my eyeballs are in the best shape because I roll them like 300 times a day...
←Rate | 06-18-2020 13:05 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
←Rate | 12-29-2017 07:57 by Funny Comments (1)  


   messageicon I can't believe some people's survival instincts told them to grab toilet paper.
←Rate | 11-28-2020 21:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No, things are not getting worse. They are just getting more obvious.
←Rate | 07-19-2020 11:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ME: welcome to my man cave. PROCTOLOGIST: please stop calling it that.
←Rate | 09-08-2020 09:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once saw someone stare at the McDonald’s menu for 15 minutes before ordering just one cheeseburger with no cheese. So yes, I do believe there are still undecided voters
←Rate | 10-09-2020 08:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My gardening skills improved since the quarantine. I planted myself on the sofa in April and have grown bigger ever since...
←Rate | 06-14-2020 09:45 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon A lie doesn't become truth, wrong doesn't become right, and evil doesn't become good, just because it's accepted by a majority.
←Rate | 07-23-2020 20:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 87% of gym members don’t even know their gym is closed
←Rate | 04-05-2020 07:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Distancing from people & not going out. Drinking too much coffee in the morning. Eating and smoking too much all day. Watching too much tv. Drinking too much at night. Then the pandemic struck.
←Rate | 04-12-2020 15:33 by RoboGoon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saved a ton money on a security system by hanging a picture of my paycheck on the front door.
←Rate | 08-25-2020 08:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This alphabet soup that I spilled on the floor is still more coherent than most Pitbull lyrics.
←Rate | 09-17-2020 08:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Having a non stick pan with a sticker stuck on it saying non stick pan is one of the reasons I don’t think humans deserve control over earth
←Rate | 01-09-2019 01:37 Comments (1)  




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