Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Coffee: More than four cups and you can talk to electricity.
←Rate | 05-15-2022 02:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a woman says, “my nipples are pierced,” the correct response is, I don’t believe you.
←Rate | 05-17-2022 06:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life is too short to die a coward.
←Rate | 05-17-2022 06:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Johnny Depp is the one guy that could've used an amber alert.
←Rate | 05-17-2022 10:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’ve spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house, but they still get in.
←Rate | 05-18-2022 00:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never forget where you came from, because that’s probably where you left your phone.
←Rate | 05-19-2022 07:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trying to figure out how I spent 15k on chicken nuggets this year.
←Rate | 05-19-2022 07:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you’re 50+ it’s time to leave them young girls alone and get yourself a woman that recognizes the signs of a stroke.
←Rate | 05-19-2022 07:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tried to spoon a tall girl once and felt like a backpack.
←Rate | 05-19-2022 07:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.
←Rate | 05-20-2022 05:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Woman makes misconduct claim against Elon Musk, like clockwork.
←Rate | 05-20-2022 05:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble shoots back.
←Rate | 05-20-2022 05:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tesla kicked out of S&P 500’s ESG Index, never saw that coming.
←Rate | 05-20-2022 05:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Those who are capable of tyranny are capable of perjury to sustain it.
←Rate | 05-11-2022 00:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m not here to fit into your world, I’m here to build my own world.
←Rate | 05-14-2022 03:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gas prices hit a new record high and Biden cancelled lease sales for oil and gas on more than a million acres on the same day.
←Rate | 05-15-2022 02:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pink Floyd warned us about the school system over 50 years ago, and everyone slept on it.
←Rate | 05-13-2022 03:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Someone living in their grandmother’s basement used to be the butt of the joke. The rental market is so insane that now it’s like, dam, you’ve got a whole basement to yourself, that’s sexy.
←Rate | 05-11-2022 00:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My mortgage identifies as a student loan.
←Rate | 05-11-2022 00:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Founding Fathers: Here’s the First Amendment. Oh, and in case someone tries to take that away, here’s the Second Amendment.
←Rate | 05-15-2022 02:45 Comments (0)  

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