Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I just apologized to a chair for walking into it. Let's focus on my manners before you judge my sobriety.
←Rate | 07-08-2018 09:47 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Hey Chicago...you can’t protest this one...the video speaks for itself!
←Rate | 07-15-2018 23:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What’s it called when your hard work doesn’t pay off?
←Rate | 07-06-2018 02:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Words and phrases I hope do not appear in my obituary: "Skeletal remains", "Dumpster", "Beyond recognition", "Decapitated", "Dental records", "Shallow grave", "Strewn", and "Suicide by Cop."
←Rate | 07-15-2018 09:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Hi, I'm here to ruin your life" - Social media
←Rate | 07-11-2018 15:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it's alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?
←Rate | 07-12-2018 15:46 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friend's dog is tough. I interrogated him for over an hour and he still wouldn't tell me who's a good boy.
←Rate | 07-05-2018 07:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being ugly on the inside should change how you look on the outside.
←Rate | 07-15-2018 02:37 by Kyla Comments (0)  


   messageicon The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment. If you're attrative it's flirting.
←Rate | 07-15-2018 04:47 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m not a sore loser, thanks to Vicodin.
←Rate | 07-05-2018 02:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love that "take out" means food, dating, and murder.
←Rate | 07-16-2018 13:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now that FIFA is over, it's time to get back to your own goals!
←Rate | 07-16-2018 13:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say two heads are better than one. Untill it's their baby.
←Rate | 07-16-2018 03:08 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer? You smart people just grinned; didn't you?
←Rate | 07-16-2018 09:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
←Rate | 07-16-2018 17:16 by BobbyT Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you're getting old when you use the word "thingy" because you can't remember what things are called.
←Rate | 07-14-2018 22:00 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some days I survive, other days I don't. It's no big deal either way.
←Rate | 07-16-2018 11:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time I get a kiss, I end up smelling like pepper spray....
←Rate | 07-16-2018 17:11 by BobbyT Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever Trump's supporters come across an actual fact that proves Trump wrong, they immediately label it Fake News.
←Rate | 07-17-2018 00:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Planning a trip to Australia..I was asked if I had a criminal record?..I didn't know you still needed one?
←Rate | 06-22-2018 08:35 by Truman Comments (0)  


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