Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Start each day with a positive thought like; “in 16 hours, I can go back to bed.”
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tried being normal once, it was the most boring ten minutes of my life.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you had a scratch and sniff map of the world, what would your current location smell like?
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years without a brain is good news for you.
←Rate | 07-08-2022 09:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Be wary of half-truths, you may get the wrong half.
←Rate | 01-09-2023 02:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Zuckerberg is responsible for my multiple profile disorder.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: My dog is probably thinking about other dogs. My dog: “What was Scar’s name before he got that scar?”
←Rate | 01-10-2023 02:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some of my friends exercise every day. Meanwhile, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell in the floor.
←Rate | 06-21-2022 22:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situation again to see if you’re still stupid.
←Rate | 06-26-2022 00:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while, to remind yourself why you don’t go out.
←Rate | 01-12-2023 01:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How about taco Wednesday’s, no one has ever done that before.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 01:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They’re not red flags, they’re fun facts about me.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 23:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize that they meant autumn, and not the collapse of civilization.
←Rate | 06-27-2022 03:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All my updates come with an extra helping of cornbread dressing. While supplies last.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can do all things through spite, which strengthens me.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently, “the vibes are off” isn’t a good enough excuse to leave work early.
←Rate | 04-22-2022 00:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The older I get, the less life in prison is a deterrent.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 17:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon May life treat you the way you treat waiters and animals.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My phone is always in my hand. So, if you think I’m ignoring you, I am.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Grocery shopping is a constant battle between not buying snacks, so you won’t be tempted and being angry that there’s nothing to eat.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:01 Comments (0)  




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