Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Disappointment is coming home to the smell of fresh bake cookies and finding out it's just a scented candel.
←Rate | 11-11-2018 05:21 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Airport security asked me if I'd seen anything unusual. Well, I just paid eighteen dollars for a turkey sandwich and a bottle of beer, let's start with that.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 10:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Silver Lining: A 350 credit score prevents Identity theft! just saying
←Rate | 11-10-2018 22:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Aliens probably lock their doors when they ride past earth.
←Rate | 11-13-2018 14:11 Comments (1)  

   messageicon it just me, or is anyone else finding it difficult to log on to dyslexics.moc?
←Rate | 11-11-2018 20:21 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Celebrate Thanksgiving by giving people the bird.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 04:11 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  

   messageicon . Fun fact Smokey the bear's original name was Hotfoot Teddy.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 23:00 by Fun.Fact Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some recipes are like science fiction. I read to the end and think "Well, that's not going to happen."
←Rate | 11-12-2018 09:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm assuming lube is for people who can't spit.
←Rate | 11-13-2018 14:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thanks to synonyms, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned," and "Sorry Daddy, I've been naughty," both mean the same thing.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 09:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Aggravation: Trying to get a vending machine to take a wrinkled dollar bill.
←Rate | 11-11-2018 22:24 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trump reminds me of Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast', minus the muscles and good looks.
←Rate | 11-13-2018 20:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm working hard to become free... I'm over half way through my Halloween candy already.
←Rate | 11-13-2018 12:24 by Frank Comments (0)  

   messageicon A bumb found out he can roll 1 cigarette from 7 cigarette butts. If he found 49 butts, how many cigarettes can he make ?
←Rate | 11-13-2018 23:03 by Brain.teaser Comments (6)  

   messageicon I think some of my friends are completely irrational and make bad decisions, and we should hang out more.
←Rate | 11-13-2018 13:35 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook needs to make a "Slap you in the face with a dictionary" button
←Rate | 02-16-2018 04:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'd just like to congratulate the person that invented the wobbly restaurant table! They're basically everywhere now!
←Rate | 11-06-2018 04:46 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I voted and didn’t take a picture, did I really vote?
←Rate | 11-06-2018 18:53 by BWood Comments (2)  

   messageicon When I was a kid I figured out how to play the piano by ear. After a while I learned that it was easier to use my fingers.
←Rate | 10-31-2017 06:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember me in your Prayers like you do in your Gossips.
←Rate | 09-12-2018 06:28 by raman911 Comments (0)  

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