Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 1 of 6300

   messageicon How would you describe college? I’m teaching myself a class that I’m paying for.
←Rate | 06-16-2022 03:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear weather app, I don’t need a blinking light informing me that the pollen is high when my car looks like a Cheeto.
←Rate | 05-27-2022 00:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon War is when they tell you who the enemy is. Revolution is when you figure it out for yourself.
←Rate | 06-13-2022 02:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Might get crazy tonight and go to bed at 10 instead of 9.
←Rate | 05-19-2022 07:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Deleting history has become more important than making it.
←Rate | 05-24-2022 05:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Her: You remind me of the sea. Him: Because I’m wild, romantic and exciting? Her: No, because you make me sick.
←Rate | 06-14-2022 02:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wish I was a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, wake up beautiful.
←Rate | 05-15-2022 02:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Want to get back on your feet? Miss two car payments.
←Rate | 06-03-2022 02:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous.
←Rate | 07-08-2022 09:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Acupuncture ~ proving that stabbing someone can make things better.
←Rate | 05-25-2022 03:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Her: Is your stomach flat? Him: Yeah, just the “L” is silent.
←Rate | 06-05-2022 02:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have now started asking humans to prove they are not a robot.
←Rate | 05-18-2022 21:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You must’ve been born on the highway, that’s where a lot of accidents happen.
←Rate | 07-07-2022 00:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon An old-fashioned candy necklace, but with tums and ibuprofen.
←Rate | 04-30-2022 15:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dog 1 to dog 2: “Once in a while, pretend like you hear something they don’t…. it drives them crazy!”
←Rate | 04-30-2022 15:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All I want to do is go outside, then inside, then outside, then inside. ~ The Dog
←Rate | 05-28-2022 01:41 by Susan_66 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its not that I hate kids, i'm just following the instructions of every medicine bottle in my bathroom cabinet "Keep away from children"
←Rate | 06-13-2022 00:35 by Luka Comments (0)  


   messageicon The same people who are candy to our eyes can be poison to our hearts. Study their ingredients before feeding them to your soul.
←Rate | 05-12-2022 01:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’ve spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house, but they still get in.
←Rate | 05-18-2022 00:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon T-shirt is actually short for tyrannosaurus shirt. It's because of the small arms.
←Rate | 05-24-2022 05:04 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left