Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon 87% of gym members don’t even know their gym is closed
←Rate | 04-05-2020 07:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If Hugh Hefner ran a company wearing pajamas so can you.
←Rate | 04-03-2020 07:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Anybody else up to 6 meals a day
←Rate | 04-08-2020 15:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m done with my 90 Day trial of 2020! How Do I Cancel my Membership?
←Rate | 04-08-2020 21:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I was a kid, my parents could only afford a secondhand calculator which was missing the 'X' button. Times were hard.
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon hey dude below you lost the election. quit making up lies
←Rate | 04-09-2020 13:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you're not gaining weight during the pandemic you ain't high enough
←Rate | 04-08-2020 10:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Felt something cold and wet on my arm, damn mosquito used an alcohol wipe before he bit me.
←Rate | 04-09-2020 06:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can literally be in Autozone and your kid will still want something. WTF you want a alternator?
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Oh no! I forgot to refrigerate this German sausage! Now it's totally become a spoiled brat.
←Rate | 04-09-2020 10:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you’re ever wondering if you and your spouse are on the same page fold a large blanket together. You’ll have your answer quickly.
←Rate | 04-07-2020 19:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Naked and Afraid. But it’s just me using the shower after my husband.
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon it me or do the birds and critters seem so much louder now - like their taunting us?
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon And suddenly people don't wonder any more if your living life to the fullest or have completely given up when you walk into the supermarket wearing pajamas.
←Rate | 04-08-2020 10:10 by moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon If dispensaries don’t offer “herb side pickup”, they are really missing out on a prime opportunity.
←Rate | 04-09-2020 09:18 by Alissa Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember wearing shoes? Is that still a thing?
←Rate | 04-08-2020 11:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So many things changing daily. For example, now DTF stands for Don’t Touch my Face.
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a Tutu was designed for an extra-large ballerina, would it be called a Threethree?
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon No matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:50 Comments (0)  

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