Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   87% of gym members don’t even know their gym is closed

   If Hugh Hefner ran a company wearing pajamas so can you.

   Anybody else up to 6 meals a day

   I’m done with my 90 Day trial of 2020! How Do I Cancel my Membership?

   When I was a kid, my parents could only afford a secondhand calculator which was missing the 'X' button. Times were hard.

   hey dude below you lost the election. quit making up lies

   If you're not gaining weight during the pandemic you ain't high enough

   Felt something cold and wet on my arm, damn mosquito used an alcohol wipe before he bit me.

   You can literally be in Autozone and your kid will still want something. WTF you want a alternator?

   Oh no! I forgot to refrigerate this German sausage! Now it's totally become a spoiled brat.

   If you’re ever wondering if you and your spouse are on the same page fold a large blanket together. You’ll have your answer quickly.

   Naked and Afraid. But it’s just me using the shower after my husband.

   it me or do the birds and critters seem so much louder now - like their taunting us?

   And suddenly people don't wonder any more if your living life to the fullest or have completely given up when you walk into the supermarket wearing pajamas.

   If dispensaries don’t offer “herb side pickup”, they are really missing out on a prime opportunity.

   Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver

   Remember wearing shoes? Is that still a thing?

   So many things changing daily. For example, now DTF stands for Don’t Touch my Face.

   If a Tutu was designed for an extra-large ballerina, would it be called a Threethree?

   No matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature