father OR dad Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Her: I have a child that needs a father figure. Him: I wear socks with sandals. Her: wow, you’re daddy af.
←Rate | 04-22-2022 23:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nothing makes me feel like a founding father like still remembering how to write in cursive.
←Rate | 09-26-2019 05:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon my great great grandfather: I cleared 40 acres by hand and grew food to feed people. My father: I fought WWII and ended the horror. Me: I think $9.99/month might be too much for Spotify.
←Rate | 10-22-2017 21:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy Father's Day to all the Dads who went out to get some milk, & actually came back home.
←Rate | 06-17-2012 01:17 by @Seddy90 Comments (0)  

   messageicon With summer in full swing and Father's Day just 41 days away, CVS in Baltimore has all of your sunscreen and Father's Day card needs covered.
←Rate | 05-11-2015 17:45 by John Y Comments (0)  

   messageicon Really!!! Kim Kardashian is upset with the Casey Anthony verdict!!! Your father defended OJ Simpson, Thus starting the Kardashian tradition of getting black men off!!!
←Rate | 07-07-2011 09:40 by migasjoe Comments (1)  

   messageicon In honor of Father's Day, I came up with a bourbon and cookie diet that is going to make me so rich... And fat... And drunk... Well, at least two of those
←Rate | 06-16-2013 10:30 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  

   messageicon My new favorite thing to do is slip a kid $20 while his parents aren't looking and quietly whisper: "This is from your real father."
←Rate | 05-26-2011 18:44 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon so far so good.... no unexpected father's day cards or presents!
←Rate | 06-20-2010 15:40 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Breakfast was going well until that creepy new Tiger Woods commercial with his late father's voice came on... now I'm just playing with my oatmeal.
←Rate | 04-08-2010 17:21 by Shamus Comments (0)  

   messageicon you're only real job as a father is to keep your daughter off the pole
←Rate | 11-11-2010 10:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who among us has not proclaimed into the whir of a fan, "Luke. I am your father."
←Rate | 12-14-2010 13:10 by Sara Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder during the election for Pope, did the other cardinals point to the losers and say excitedly "you are NOT the father"
←Rate | 03-13-2013 14:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy Father's Day Dad! Whoever you are...
←Rate | 06-19-2011 12:49 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Had Maury Povich been in Star Wars, we would have known who the father was a lot sooner
←Rate | 04-12-2011 22:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dad, this Father's Day, allow me to point out that none of my messes cost 20 billion dollars to clean up.
←Rate | 06-18-2010 17:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Condom Ad: if you are not 100% satisfied with our product, Happy Father's Day!!
←Rate | 10-25-2010 13:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The way I feel when a waiter finally brings my food is probably similar to the excitement of a dude on Maury who just got told he's not the father.
←Rate | 09-28-2011 15:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Maury: "Darth Vader, you.... ARE the father." Luke: "Nooooo!"
←Rate | 09-25-2010 14:39 by Russell Bilaknockified Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never date a girl whose father calls her "Princess." Chances are.. she believes it
←Rate | 08-05-2011 20:54 Comments (0)  

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