Aaron Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon "I already looked there." -Kids that didn't look there
←Rate | 10-12-2016 21:13 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon "This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in line, loudly, at amusement parks
←Rate | 03-26-2016 14:36 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
←Rate | 03-26-2016 19:06 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have my headphones on, but judging by the reactions, that was an audible fart.
←Rate | 02-17-2013 13:42 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
←Rate | 07-06-2011 17:42 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've never been skydiving,, but I've zoomed in on Google Earth really really fast.
←Rate | 09-11-2012 09:16 by Aaron Comments (2)  


   messageicon You call it reckless driving, I call it searching for my lighter.
←Rate | 11-19-2012 19:17 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Halloween is the by far the safest day to kill a person and leave them in a chair on your porch.
←Rate | 10-29-2011 12:44 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe we should be focussing less on Goldilocks and more on why Mama and Papa bear don't sleep in the same bed anymore.
←Rate | 01-24-2013 14:24 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
←Rate | 09-05-2013 20:05 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I better get to sleep. I have to get up early to call in sick to work.
←Rate | 10-25-2010 09:26 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's taken me awhile but I think I'm finally ready to accept that it's not butter
←Rate | 08-07-2011 02:17 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Google Earth is way cooler than regular Earth.
←Rate | 06-17-2011 15:51 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate how the iPhone auto-corrects "f**k that" to "yes, dear".
←Rate | 10-06-2010 12:09 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tattoos are like cats. You get one, then you have to get another, then you get more and more until you have to get rid of them using lasers.
←Rate | 02-20-2012 17:12 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon The rules were already broken when I got here.
←Rate | 10-25-2010 09:31 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its real cute how pedestrians confuse "right of way" with immortality.
←Rate | 11-16-2013 19:44 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Using a public restroom always reminds me how much better I am at flushing a toilet than a lot of other people.
←Rate | 07-11-2011 18:48 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I'll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.
←Rate | 08-11-2013 11:52 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want one of those jobs where people ask, “Do you actually get paid for doing this?”
←Rate | 07-19-2012 19:30 by Aaron Comments (0)  


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