Fluff!! Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon WOW! I can't believe the Guard who was guarding Jeffery Epstein was killed in an automobile accident - Tomorrow or Monday!
←Rate | 08-11-2019 16:00 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not one person asked me how much faster I can run in my new shoes. Being an adult is f'n dumb!!
←Rate | 08-20-2019 16:26 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon WebMD is updating their servers because of a virus. Well, they think it's a virus, but it could be kidney failure, a heart murmur, gallstones, or possibly appendicitis.
←Rate | 06-16-2018 17:50 by Fluff!! Comments (1)  


   messageicon great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone's computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
←Rate | 03-31-2013 14:33 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm thinking about buying an exercise bike, my treadmill works fine for laying my pants on, but it won't accommodate hanging shirts on hangers.
←Rate | 04-26-2014 09:37 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon In honor of Father's Day, I came up with a bourbon and cookie diet that is going to make me so rich... And fat... And drunk... Well, at least two of those
←Rate | 06-16-2013 10:30 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon You'd think my boss would know me by now and stop asking me everyday if I've been drinking.
←Rate | 04-23-2015 08:01 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Pokey, but I've turned myself around.
←Rate | 09-16-2013 19:34 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon EXERCISE?? Shoot, I thought you said EXTRA PIES!!!
←Rate | 09-05-2017 11:10 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate getting paid and being broke all in the same day!! :(
←Rate | 02-27-2013 19:26 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon My career as a Walmart greeter was cut short when the manager noticed me singing "Welcome to the Jungle" to every customer
←Rate | 05-15-2013 07:10 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was
←Rate | 03-29-2014 16:36 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon if I had 10 cookies, and you took half, what would you have? ... THAT'S RIGHT!! A black eye and a broken hand!!!
←Rate | 08-13-2019 15:27 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon So this year I decided to fill out my own tax return, and guess what ... I'm getting back 4 million dollars!!!
←Rate | 01-14-2015 16:04 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon Seriously guys, if you want a woman to save a horse and ride a cowboy, you guys need to learn to a save a tree and eat a beaver.
←Rate | 08-04-2013 10:46 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's perfectly OK to pretend that you're Irish on St. Patrick's Day. You pretend you're good on Christmas, don't you?
←Rate | 03-17-2013 11:34 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon FYI - Valentines Day is only 4 days away... It's not too late to break up.
←Rate | 02-10-2013 17:05 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today's brilliant idea: Slim Fast beer.
←Rate | 08-29-2013 07:36 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon I glued a beer bottle cap to my watch so that whenever I look at it, I know it's time to drink.
←Rate | 06-27-2013 21:38 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon Birdman won the Oscar for Best Picture ... for some reason Kanye thought it should have gone to Beyonce
←Rate | 02-23-2015 08:00 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  



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