Top 40 Status Messages of 2011
Posted by TJ on Monday January 2, 2012 @ 12:53 AM
[Tags: tjshome, facebook, humor]

These were compile using the thumbs up ratings from the http://tjshome.com/statusmessages.php page. If you don't like this list then you need to rate more messages. If you want to add your own favorite status message we missed, post it below using the comment form.
  1. #81225 X With American Airlines stock at 20 cents, I can't decide between paying for two checked bags or buying half the company. Submitted 11-29-2011 12:10 by SuthernFukr
  2. #83131 X is The closest I've gotten to murder is holding cookies under the milk until the bubbles stopped. Submitted 12-14-2011 13:52 by fadolo
  3. #66141 X is How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"? Submitted 08-02-2011 23:02
  4. #83569 X is I thought by the time I was a successful 48 year old adult, I'd be tired of putting people's yard reindeers in sex positions...... I was wrong Submitted 12-17-2011 16:51 by mark
  5. #82404 X I hate it when I'm digging my own grave at gunpoint and I discover buried treasure. Submitted 12-08-2011 19:15 by Aaron
  6. #67736 X If you have a parrot and you don't teach it to say,"Help, they've turned me into a parrot." you are wasting everybody's time. Submitted 08-17-2011 18:26 by Hot Tea
  7. #82586 X says I love updating my Facebook status while crossing the stre Submitted 12-10-2011 12:11
  8. #66517 X It's taken me awhile but I think I'm finally ready to accept that it's not butter Submitted 08-07-2011 02:17 by Aaron
  9. #83321 X My math teacher staples Burger King applications on failed tests. Submitted 12-15-2011 19:20 by g0re
  10. #53966 X I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes and thought, "Wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes... Submitted 04-20-2011 17:12 by Marshall the Great
  11. #84236 X says I need new haters. The old ones are starting to like me. Submitted 12-22-2011 15:14 by KISSTOPHER
  12. #58162 X I could never trust a psychic who hasn't won the lottery at least once. Submitted 05-24-2011 17:02 by Marshall the Great
  13. #55218 X My therapist says I have an obsession with revenge. We'll see about that.. Submitted 05-01-2011 17:12 by Rosaline
  14. #80992 X I bet more people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner. Submitted 11-27-2011 14:56
  15. #68131 X is Do you ever stop and think about the days before Facebook and Twitter, when you would do something and actually not tell anyone? Submitted 08-21-2011 22:54 by BEGO
  16. #83740 X says The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock against the wall in the morning is the fact that it’s also my cellphone. Submitted 12-19-2011 02:46 by Czovczov
  17. #80450 X Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings.. ;) Submitted 11-22-2011 14:16 by @RonnieChapman
  18. #46545 X If you were stranded on a deserted island with only a solar powered cd player, and a bieber cd........ how would you kill yourself? Submitted 02-16-2011 11:54 by M.A.C.
  19. #50162 X says Smile. It's easier than explaining why you're sad. Submitted 03-16-2011 16:47 by abbybaby34
  20. #81780 X is No, PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on facebook. Submitted 12-03-2011 17:02
  21. #66451 X says My girlfriend says that I treat her like a child. So I gave her a sticker for standing up for her self. Submitted 08-06-2011 00:51
  22. #42672 X The only appropriate time to yell out "I HAVE DIARRHEA!", is when you're playing scrabble. Because it's worth a whole load of points. Submitted 01-11-2011 17:33 by JeremyCakes
  23. #81389 X Dear Santa I've been good all year! Ok most of the time. I Mean once in a while. Oh...F*ck it, I'll buy my own sh#t....... Submitted 11-30-2011 09:24 by sully
  24. #61511 X I want that job where you push scared skydivers out of planes. Submitted 06-23-2011 12:55 by Marshall the Great
  25. #60849 X I can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today. :) Submitted 06-17-2011 10:27 by Marshall the Great
  26. #46449 X On my tombstone I want it to say: "I didn't forward the text message to 15 friends..." Submitted 02-15-2011 14:33 by Marshall the Great
  27. #77327 X Halloween is the by far the safest day to kill a person and leave them in a chair on your porch. Submitted 10-29-2011 12:44 by Aaron
  28. #82400 X is Do you realize that a woman's "I'll be ready in five minutes." and a guy's " I'll be home in five minutes." are exactly the same? Submitted 12-08-2011 17:57
  29. #71010 X says I like dressing in a red polo shirt then going to Target & being rude to costumers Submitted 09-13-2011 06:07 by flinnie
  30. #47739 X It must be awkward when GPS navigation tells gay people to go straight. Submitted 02-27-2011 14:05
  31. #71690 X says I am feeling lazier than the guy who designed the Japanese flag. Submitted 09-19-2011 11:10
  32. #57993 X Google turned 12 this year, so now we have 1 more year to use it before it turns into a teenager and wont answer anything! Submitted 05-23-2011 10:42 by Rashad Hammoud
  33. #75346 X If I see a parked car with one of those stick figure family things, I always add a sticker of myself to it and then just wait in the car. Submitted 10-15-2011 11:59 by Aaron
  34. #71764 X Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets??? Submitted 09-19-2011 23:18 by Saarge
  35. #65738 X is Why do people say 'grow some balls'? Balls are weak & sensitive, If you wanna get tough, grow a vagina. Those things take a pounding Submitted 07-29-2011 16:33
  36. #82201 X It makes sense that animals pee on something to mark their territory. I mean if someone peed on something, most people would be like, "Eww, okay. That's yours now." Submitted 12-07-2011 04:19 by g0re
  37. #81467 X is I can ytpe 300 wrosd pre mnitue. Submitted 11-30-2011 23:25 by poc
  38. #58895 X In hindsight, allowing girls into our treehouse would have been a great idea. Submitted 06-01-2011 14:54 by Marshall the Great
  39. #47222 X is Who came up with hugs? The very first hug must have been really creepy. “What are you doing? Why are you holding me?” “Just trust me.” Submitted 02-22-2011 19:54 by Speed
  40. #42826 X Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder. Submitted 01-15-2011 03:35
  41. More Funny Status Messages

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