Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 296 of 6385
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
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03-29-2014 09:08 by Daheavy1
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Did Kanye really just tell a dude who can play like 14 instruments that he should give his Grammy to a woman who needs 4 writers for one song?
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02-10-2015 10:50
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When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a bastard.
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10-19-2013 22:36 by griff
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Dude! That cross-eyed girl at the bar is looking at you...... And me...
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05-16-2010 12:30 by 82
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Ahh..Monday, so we meet again... You dirty b*tch
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06-07-2010 14:54
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as Vice-President of Toyota I would like to say please dial 1800-our-bad.
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02-04-2010 18:02 by Aaron
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If I have a erection lasting 4 hours i'm not calling a doctor...I'm calling a film crew!
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10-19-2010 22:03
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According to a recent survey, 86 percent of people say that they have at least one annoying coworker. The remaining 14 percent don't realize that they are the annoying coworker.
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11-16-2009 00:00 by tomcall
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the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
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06-16-2011 05:53 by flinnie
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The fact is, whatever you do, good or bad, people will always have something negative to say.
Fellas, if she doesn't kiss you by the 4th date she's only in it for the free food.
I was asked if I liked blowing bubbles... but I am not sure. Who is Bubbles?!
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09-30-2011 13:42 by Dani
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Middle Age---When you sit at home and Saturday night and the phone rings and you really hope it's not for you...
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02-01-2011 14:45 by scottyp
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You can't have a relationship without any fights, but you can make your relationship worth the fight.
Note to self: Never make a sarcastic remark to someone who is really angry, unless you're prepared to run like hell.
The secret to a great relationship...Argue Naked!
this is just a temporary status...until I think of something better
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01-02-2012 22:12 by mtravica
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Went over to my hippie neighbor's house and asked for a pot holder, and he came out with a sandwich bag. Note to self: New best friend
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01-15-2012 17:11 by fadolo
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I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
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02-28-2012 12:39
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When I get in an elevator, before I press a button, I turn around look at everyone inside and say: "Okay people, are you ready to take this sh!t to a whole new level?"
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04-29-2012 11:34
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