tomcall Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Joan rivers was reportedly very angry the other day because she was prevented from entering the country by airline security. Man, you should have seen the face she wanted to make.
←Rate | 01-13-2010 15:29 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon According to a recent survey, 86 percent of people say that they have at least one annoying coworker. The remaining 14 percent don't realize that they are the annoying coworker.
←Rate | 11-16-2009 00:00 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon AOL has announced that they're going to lay off one-third of their employees. On the bright side, it's AOL, so they're going to do it slowly and with frequent interruptions.
←Rate | 11-30-2009 11:17 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon A new device can turn thoughts into speech. Wait, don't we already have that? It's called alcohol.
←Rate | 01-05-2010 22:25 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yesterday, citizens of Norway woke up to a weird blue light in the sky, which the Russian Defense Ministry later claimed was due to a failed missle test. Thank goodness. I was worried it was a UFO. It's nice to know it's just a renegade Russian missle.
←Rate | 12-12-2009 12:47 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some things just go together. Like whiskey and vermouth. Or peanut butter and jelly. Or peanut butter and chocolate. Or peanut butter and banana. Boy, peanut butter gets around, huh? It wasn't until just now that I realized what a whore peanut butter is
←Rate | 03-10-2010 13:36 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy New Year! Here's wishing my dyselxia better gets in 1020.
←Rate | 01-01-2010 16:41 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon I order the club sandwich all the time. I'm not even a member. I dunno how I get away with it.
←Rate | 02-03-2010 11:02 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Man Next To Me: You might want to turn down your iPod, because everyone in the room can tell you're listening to "Party In The USA" even though you don't think they can.
←Rate | 09-15-2010 23:13 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon Washington D.C. got a ton of snow last weekend. When it snows hard enough in D.C., the city shuts down and Congress can't get anything done. You know, sort of like when it's not snowing.
←Rate | 12-23-2009 11:16 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon I remember when vampires were scary, and not some twink with six-pack abs.
←Rate | 11-04-2009 10:30 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon The other day, Senator Chris Dodd unveiled his plan to reduce corruption in the Senate. He's retiring.
←Rate | 01-09-2010 16:58 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon This Friday, the offical Christmas tree was delivered to the White House. Unfortunately, the Secret Service had already let in three other trees that claimed they were on the list.
←Rate | 12-02-2009 10:18 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon When someone is waiting for you to leave so they can take your parking spot: 1) Pretent to turn key. 2) Exit car. 3) Open hood and look frustrated.
←Rate | 10-15-2009 22:35 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon Scientists say they have located the gene that causes obesity. His name is Gene Milman, the founder of Krispy Kreme.
←Rate | 01-03-2010 14:14 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon Scientists now say that within 40 years, robots will be doing most of the jobs we don't want to do, especially illegal robots from Mexico.
←Rate | 01-11-2010 15:47 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I have kids, I'll teach them about Krampus. That should prevent "naughtiness." Google it.
←Rate | 12-08-2009 18:56 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes, I feel really lonely, especially when I'm throwing a Frisbee.
←Rate | 02-03-2010 11:00 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon According to the EPA, lead particles in the air in Los Angeles cause 6,000 deaths a year. We call them "bullets."
←Rate | 01-02-2010 15:08 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Little Women" author Louisa May Alcott was diagnosed with Lupus 119 years after her death. And you thought your HMO was slow.
←Rate | 12-20-2009 16:49 by tomcall Comments (0)  

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