Daheavy1 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Why do baby clothes have pockets?
←Rate | 09-27-2014 12:34 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon December is the month when the kids begin to discuss what to get Dad for Christmas. Some insist on a shirt; others a pair of socks, and the argument always ends in a tie.
←Rate | 12-18-2011 11:07 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anything related to Halloween doesn't scare me. What scares me is when I flush someone else's toilet and the water keeps rising
←Rate | 10-22-2011 15:24 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Coaster? You're assuming I plan to put my drink down...
←Rate | 04-30-2014 13:30 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been waxing my car for twenty years and I still don't know karate.
←Rate | 09-17-2014 20:45 by Daheavy1 Comments (5)  


   messageicon One time I smashed my face into a keyboard and accidentally wrote the fifth Twilight book.
←Rate | 01-03-2012 19:08 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If my absence doesn't alter your life, then my presence has no meaning in it.
←Rate | 11-15-2011 13:36 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm convinced that homeless people have all the shopping carts with 4 good wheels.
←Rate | 07-16-2013 19:28 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Red cups..helping the youth get their buzz on for over 30 years
←Rate | 08-13-2011 16:59 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
←Rate | 03-29-2014 09:08 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I see hitchhikers, I just pretend they're telling me that I'm doing a great job driving.
←Rate | 09-22-2012 11:32 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 12 years of school and I'm still not sure if it's “grey” or “gray”
←Rate | 08-03-2013 01:16 by Daheavy1 Comments (4)  


   messageicon North Korea's Internet is down. In even more shocking news, North Korea apparently has Internet.
←Rate | 12-22-2014 16:21 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn't sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing
←Rate | 09-09-2012 16:33 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thank you: 'hard taco shells', for surviving the factory, delivery trucks, and small food stores and then breaking at the moment I put something inside you.
←Rate | 10-30-2011 18:52 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How come when people fill out applications, under "Emergency Contact," nobody ever puts "911"?
←Rate | 10-17-2011 22:34 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you
←Rate | 10-22-2011 15:24 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Air bags: my car's attempt of cheering me up after accidents by giving me surprise balloons
←Rate | 10-22-2011 15:24 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a telemarketer calls give the phone to your 3 yr old, and tell them its Santa Clause
←Rate | 11-22-2011 18:33 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 7% of all hearing loss is a result of sitting in a restaurant next to a table full of women who just received dessert.
←Rate | 11-13-2011 11:13 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  




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