Daheavy1 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon One time I smashed my face into a keyboard and accidentally wrote the fifth Twilight book.
←Rate | 01-03-2012 19:08 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anything related to Halloween doesn't scare me. What scares me is when I flush someone else's toilet and the water keeps rising
←Rate | 10-22-2011 15:24 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If my absence doesn't alter your life, then my presence has no meaning in it.
←Rate | 11-15-2011 13:36 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Red cups..helping the youth get their buzz on for over 30 years
←Rate | 08-13-2011 16:59 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
←Rate | 03-29-2014 09:08 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I see hitchhikers, I just pretend they're telling me that I'm doing a great job driving.
←Rate | 09-22-2012 11:32 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm convinced that homeless people have all the shopping carts with 4 good wheels.
←Rate | 07-16-2013 19:28 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been waxing my car for twenty years and I still don't know karate.
←Rate | 09-17-2014 20:45 by Daheavy1 Comments (5)  


   messageicon North Korea's Internet is down. In even more shocking news, North Korea apparently has Internet.
←Rate | 12-22-2014 16:21 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon December is the month when the kids begin to discuss what to get Dad for Christmas. Some insist on a shirt; others a pair of socks, and the argument always ends in a tie.
←Rate | 12-18-2011 11:07 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thank you: 'hard taco shells', for surviving the factory, delivery trucks, and small food stores and then breaking at the moment I put something inside you.
←Rate | 10-30-2011 18:52 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How come when people fill out applications, under "Emergency Contact," nobody ever puts "911"?
←Rate | 10-17-2011 22:34 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do baby clothes have pockets?
←Rate | 09-27-2014 12:34 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn't sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing
←Rate | 09-09-2012 16:33 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you
←Rate | 10-22-2011 15:24 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Air bags: my car's attempt of cheering me up after accidents by giving me surprise balloons
←Rate | 10-22-2011 15:24 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 7% of all hearing loss is a result of sitting in a restaurant next to a table full of women who just received dessert.
←Rate | 11-13-2011 11:13 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It never ceases to amaze me that the little space between the driver’s seat and the center console in my car will fit any object that can possibly be dropped, but will not fit a hand.
←Rate | 05-14-2014 11:37 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.
←Rate | 10-16-2013 21:48 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 12 years of school and I'm still not sure if it's “grey” or “gray”
←Rate | 08-03-2013 01:16 by Daheavy1 Comments (3)  



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