Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Some people are as useless as an audiobook on sign language
←Rate | 05-24-2019 11:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My life is like when you're holding your laundry and a sock falls and you go to pick it up and two more fall and eventually everything is on the floor.
←Rate | 08-22-2018 09:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always ask if I can pay in bitcoins now, not because I have any but because I want to be cool
←Rate | 02-07-2018 11:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Zoning out is your brain’s way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Bachelor is the show that answers the question "How much wine do you have to drink until you think the guy making out with twenty different women would make a good husband?"
←Rate | 09-20-2017 08:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You had me at "We'll make it look like an accident."
←Rate | 05-10-2019 13:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thx for thinking of me Amazon, but I really only needed that one washing machine part, not one every time I log in...
←Rate | 05-21-2019 16:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Golf is finally starting to pay off. I just signed a contract with Nike for a large sum of money in return for agreeing never to be seen playing with any of their equipment.
←Rate | 12-04-2017 12:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know there are idiot Savants, but are there Savant idiots ?.. Because lately stupid people sure do think they are smart !
←Rate | 07-21-2018 18:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have my doubts about all these new "smart waters" considering how easily they were captured and bottled
←Rate | 05-10-2019 12:39 by Mylez Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I'm usually fine with going home.
←Rate | 04-08-2018 13:55 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Watching all these Hollywood people pretend they didnt know about Weinstein is some of the best acting they’ve done in years
←Rate | 10-12-2017 13:30 by CrackY Comments (0)  


   messageicon People don't want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 06:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon remember the time you confused a life lesson for a soulmate?
←Rate | 03-30-2018 14:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch
←Rate | 12-09-2017 23:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You question whether you are getting old when your barber asks if your eyebrows need trimming, and you know it when he does it without asking
←Rate | 12-16-2017 08:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That Jussie dude sounds like such an A-hole you'd think he could have just gotten beat up based on his personality.
←Rate | 02-21-2019 12:41 Comments (6)  


   messageicon I’m “you can only play video games on channel 3” years old.
←Rate | 12-11-2017 04:37 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon a married man has 2 options in an argument...he can be right or he can be happy
←Rate | 04-17-2018 13:36 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you touch your phone in the right places a hot pizza will arrive at your door!
←Rate | 12-15-2018 01:26 by Moon Comments (0)  




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