Funny Away Messages

This page contains funny away messages that you can use with an instant messenger program. Enjoy!

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Be quite brain or I will stab you with a Q-tip. Be right back

I'm off saving the world from self-destruction. Try me later.

"Earth this is God..I want all you people gone by the end of the month, I have a buyer who is interested in the property! "

"Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
- George Burns "

Stop checking away messages.

"hmm...I wonder what I'm doing, you tell me "

"Hi this is (Your Screen name)'s computer. He's away, but I'm open for suggestions. "

Out watching the grass grow

Shoot I forgot to leave an away message!

I'm watching a movie right now so go away before I start throwing popcorn at you

"Remember: 'i' before 'e', except in Budweiser. "

I can't think of a good away message.

"You have just received the Amish computer virus. Since, the Amish don't have computers, it is based on the honor systems. Please delete all of the files from your computer. Thank you. "

%n(Their Screen name) signed off at %t(current time).

I am not here...what kind of loser is online at %t(current time)

I have been distracted by a shiny object. Leave a message after the twinkle!

Submitted: by by Vanessa

"When you were born, everyone around you was smiling and you were crying. Live your life so that when you die, you're smiling and everyone around you is crying. "

I fell out of my chair. This might take a while!

Life is a waste of time. Time is a waste of life. So let's all get wasted and have the time of our lives!

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, ""It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my own dreams. "

Dancing with a Pink Flamingo!!! Can't you tell I'm bored?

Submitted: by by Nikkia Marra

"%n(Their Screen name): Are you ready for the test we have today?
(Your Screen name): ""I'm ready! I pulled an all-nighter!""
%n(Their Screen name): ""You studied all night?""
(Your Screen name): ""Oh... You're supposed to study? "

I tried switching to gum but I couldn't keep it lit.

Please wait...

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Notice: We are no longer accepting new Away Message submissions. If you want to submit a Funny Status Message view the Funny Status Messages page.

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