Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   supports the "Obama Is Too Damn High Party"!!!

   This is who I am , good points and faults . Take it or leave it and i`m not going to worry what you think about me , accept me or delete me , your choice

   accidently jerked himself off at church today

   Announcement: .. the Time Travelers Meeting scheduled for today will be held last Thursday .. :)

   It's a sad state of affairs when most Americans don't know... Separation of church and state is not in the Constitution.

   No one can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it.

   Remember Jesus died for our sins, so if you aren't sinning, he died in vain.

   It's very easy to sacrifice for a friends whats really hard is to find a friend who deserve it

   I have just painted a blue square on the garden to trick people viewing Google Earth into thinking I have a swimming pool!

   During Obama's appearance on Mythbusters, Glenn Beck will debut his new Fox News show, Mythspreaders.

   Composeurs pretend to write classical music.

   When I “rage against the machine” the machine is usually a printer.

   The best way to hang up on someone is to do it in the middle of YOUR OWN sentence. that way, they never suspect you hung up on them.

   My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself.

   looking at her man, wondering how come he is a knight in shining armor one day and a retard wrapped in tin foil the next.....

   The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.

   dressing up as a ball player for the NY Mets for halloween. I figure I won't need a uniform either since at this time of the year, they are all wearing street clothes now anyway

   Imagine how much fun women in burkas must have tagging each other on Facebook.

   It's time for attention to pay me instead.

   The NFL should change it's name to the little girls league with all these rules. Football is a violent and physical sport, if you get hurt, it's part of the job.