Funny Status Messages Search

X If aliens landed & saw Glenn Beck, they'd be like, "Oh, he has a show here too?"

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-13-2010 00:49 by jdpower Comments (0)

X According to Apple, 300,000 people did not have sex this weekend.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-13-2010 00:49 by jdpower Comments (0)

X Just ONE Saturday night I'd like to go without drunk-dialing Barbara Walters.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-13-2010 00:51 by jdpower Comments (0)

X Sarah Palin probably thinks Obama's drilling plan doesn't go far enough in terms of wrecking the environment.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-13-2010 00:52 by jdpower Comments (0)

X I wonder if the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks by claiming all his appendages were "elephant-sized".....

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-13-2010 00:53 by jdpower Comments (0)

X Ricky Martin has answered the question, "Are you gay?". But for many, another question remains: "Who's Ricky Martin?"

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-13-2010 00:55 by jdpower Comments (0)

X The most stunning thing about Obama's nuclear announcement was that we have a President who can pronounce "nuclear."

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-13-2010 00:58 by jdpower Comments (0)

X I could never bring myself to kill....however, I do have a list of some pretty sweet hiding spots.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-13-2010 00:59 by jdpower Comments (0)

X Which is the best new slur for hipsters: Fauxhemian or Doucheoisie? I'm thinking Doucheoisie.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-13-2010 01:00 by jdpower Comments (0)

X We may lag behind the Chinese in math and science, but we are absolutely kicking their butts in the tattooed homewreckers category.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-13-2010 01:02 by jdpower Comments (0)

X if court experience is a must for Obama's Supreme Court selection... I say go with Charlie Sheen

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-27-2010 12:18 by jdpower Comments (0)

X Roethlisberger has been suspended, which means that the NFL has a stricter policy on sex abuse than the Vatican

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-27-2010 13:14 by jdpower Comments (0)

X Pat Robertson is now blaming the oil spill in The Gulf of Mexico on promiscuous dinosaurs.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-04-2010 14:03 by jdpower Comments (0)

X If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-06-2010 16:01 by jdpower Comments (0)

X New York Times reports Neanderthals mated with humans thousands of years before "Jersey Shore."

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-07-2010 12:34 by jdpower Comments (0)

X Dear Mr. Ice Cream man: Please change your song.. That sh!t was played out in the 80's

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-16-2010 22:54 by jdpower Comments (0)

X So I guess the movie 'Armageddon' shows that oil workers are better at destroying asteroids than stopping oil leaks

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-18-2010 11:57 by jdpower Comments (0)

X Richard Blumenthal clarifies - he served at 'Vie et Nam' a restaurant in Greenwich

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-18-2010 17:41 by jdpower Comments (0)

X Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-19-2010 00:37 by jdpower Comments (0)

X Megan Fox will not be acting in Transformers 3. So, no change from Transformers 1 and 2.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-21-2010 01:51 by jdpower Comments (2)