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X If aliens landed & saw Glenn Beck, they'd be like, "Oh, he has a show here too?"
X According to Apple, 300,000 people did not have sex this weekend.
X Just ONE Saturday night I'd like to go without drunk-dialing Barbara Walters.
X Sarah Palin probably thinks Obama's drilling plan doesn't go far enough in terms of wrecking the environment.
X I wonder if the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks by claiming all his appendages were "elephant-sized".....
X Ricky Martin has answered the question, "Are you gay?". But for many, another question remains: "Who's Ricky Martin?"
X The most stunning thing about Obama's nuclear announcement was that we have a President who can pronounce "nuclear."
X I could never bring myself to kill....however, I do have a list of some pretty sweet hiding spots.
X Which is the best new slur for hipsters: Fauxhemian or Doucheoisie? I'm thinking Doucheoisie.
X We may lag behind the Chinese in math and science, but we are absolutely kicking their butts in the tattooed homewreckers category.
X if court experience is a must for Obama's Supreme Court selection... I say go with Charlie Sheen
X Roethlisberger has been suspended, which means that the NFL has a stricter policy on sex abuse than the Vatican
X Pat Robertson is now blaming the oil spill in The Gulf of Mexico on promiscuous dinosaurs.
X If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
X New York Times reports Neanderthals mated with humans thousands of years before "Jersey Shore."
X Dear Mr. Ice Cream man: Please change your song.. That sh!t was played out in the 80's
X So I guess the movie 'Armageddon' shows that oil workers are better at destroying asteroids than stopping oil leaks
X Richard Blumenthal clarifies - he served at 'Vie et Nam' a restaurant in Greenwich
X Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
X Megan Fox will not be acting in Transformers 3. So, no change from Transformers 1 and 2.