Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 357 of 6385
I enjoy a glass of Wine each night for it's health benefits! The rest of the bottle is for my flawless dance moves, and to make you look more appealling!
I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.
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04-20-2012 21:20 by BEGO
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I thought when people lie to me their pants were supposed to catch on fire. Turns out that's a lie also. Trust no one.
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05-05-2012 05:05 by flinnie
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I need to do laundry so bad I'm actually wearing Christmas stockings
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04-21-2012 05:41 by flinnie
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I was standing in front of the mirror eariler, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge. :(
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12-31-2011 17:49
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How come when people fill out applications, under "Emergency Contact," nobody ever puts "911"?
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10-17-2011 22:34 by Daheavy1
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Here is a quick math lesson for NBA players...50% of $1 billion is a lot more than 52% of nothing!
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11-08-2011 19:29
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Everybody deserves second chances, but not for the same mistakes.
Whoever said Diamond are a girls best friend........Obviously never bought one a detachable showerhead.
It's so hot outside! I've been out here 10 minutes and I'm already wetter then Kim Kardashian at the BET Awards.
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07-05-2012 11:05
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""When people cut you down. Or talk behind your back. remember they took time out of their pathetic lives, To think about you.""
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02-02-2012 22:21 by BEGO
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My wax museum is going to start small by focusing on famous people who look like candles.
There's now a Taco Bell taco with a shell made out of Doritos?,, Hmmm, It seems that our junk foods have started hunting each other.
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03-12-2012 17:11 by snotty
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Dear Life, I have a complete grasp on the fact that you are not fair... so please quit teaching me that lesson.
I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the internet.
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03-29-2012 21:58 by BEGO
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Oh, you love your boyfriend? Please, go ahead and saturate my Facebook news feed with your feelings.
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04-15-2012 13:41
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My boss questioned my enthusiasm today. I can't believe he woke me up just to tell me that.
I have ADHD. It's like ADD except the picture quality is phenomenal."
NOTE TO SELF: Please stop writing yourself notes. Love, Self
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11-30-2010 12:00 by VictorA
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I really hope that my last words in this world are: "I wonder what this does..."