HiYourJon Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon You know it's a classy establishment when they quietly ask you to leave.
←Rate | 05-07-2013 01:39 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was surprised by the number of people who turned around when I yelled "Hey asshole!" in Wal-Mart.
←Rate | 10-10-2013 13:18 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon In alcohol’s defense, i've done some pretty dumb shít while completely sober too.
←Rate | 07-21-2013 17:14 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon In a stunning display of maturity, Kid Rock announces he is changing his name to Adult Contemporary.
←Rate | 05-22-2013 15:25 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thanks ABC News, if it wasn't for your extensive news coverage, I wouldn't have known that it gets hot outside in the middle of July. 
←Rate | 07-08-2012 13:10 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo. who has hair on their shoulders. whos shampooing their shoulder hair. please come forward
←Rate | 05-19-2013 11:45 by HiYourJon Comments (1)  


   messageicon Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.
←Rate | 07-15-2013 10:54 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.
←Rate | 12-11-2013 16:16 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you can't handle me at my drunkest, you don't deserve me when I'm sober.
←Rate | 07-25-2012 10:24 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lawyer: "You've been released!" Aaron Hernandez: "Great, so I can go home?" Lawyer: "Shìt, sorry. I mean you've been released by the Pats."
←Rate | 06-26-2013 13:11 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've already decided, if I ever go to The Price Is Right, I'm gonna "come on down" whether they call my fuckíng name or not.
←Rate | 06-29-2013 23:47 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite hobby is to add my neighbors' wireless printer to my PC and print a document that says I'M INSIDE YOUR HOUSE AND COMING FOR YOU.
←Rate | 05-09-2013 20:50 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite Lil Wayne song is the one where he sounds like a constipated muppet trying to list off active ingredients in Children’s Tylenol.
←Rate | 06-06-2013 10:03 by hiyourjon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
←Rate | 07-02-2013 17:02 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I'm bored late at night, I text random numbers saying: “You should really clean under your bed, it's filthy down here. PS: I love you."
←Rate | 04-11-2012 21:20 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't always drive the speed limit. But when I do, there's drugs in my car.
←Rate | 07-07-2012 12:21 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think it's cute how my bankruptcy attorney thinks I'm going to pay him!
←Rate | 06-22-2012 16:03 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's Google's 15th birthday today. Typical fifteen year old. It's got an answer for everything.
←Rate | 09-27-2013 11:21 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon This cop is going to look like such a dumbass trying to give me a field sobriety test while I'm invisible.
←Rate | 07-25-2013 00:06 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kanye West said he's going to be the next Nelson Mandela! Your wife is a pornstar and your daughter is a compass. TAKE A SEAT PLEASE.
←Rate | 12-08-2013 00:33 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  



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