Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 314 of 6385
expecting life to treat you fairly because you're a good person is like expecting the bull not to charge at you because you're a vegetarian.
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11-25-2010 14:14 by Chris
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There are only two people I trust in this world... One is myself, and the other one is NOT you.
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11-30-2010 07:40
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Who among us has not proclaimed into the whir of a fan, "Luke. I am your father."
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12-14-2010 13:10 by Sara
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getting his eraser ready for two weeks of me putting 2010 on all my papers.
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01-01-2011 18:13
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just had a near death experience and other peoples' lives flashed before my eyes…I have GOT to stop being so f@#king nosey…
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01-20-2011 10:42 by M.A.C.
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Fool people into thinking you have a social life by going offline for a few hours.
I think the sudden stardom of Justin Bieber marks the beginning of the apocalypse.
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04-10-2010 23:36 by The Fred
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wifes cooking is so bad that the flies pitched in to fix the screen door. I leave dental floss in the kitchen and watch the roaches hang themselves.
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04-14-2010 17:09 by Reed
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If you say the word "douche" fast and repetitively, it will sound like the beat of a techno song that some douche would definitely love.
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09-08-2010 15:19 by jdpower
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Nothing's more chaotic than when the Task Manager freezes too.
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09-18-2010 20:46
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I was escorted out of the funeral before I was done high fiving everyone.
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10-06-2010 12:09 by Aaron
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nothing better than waking up to multiple "like"s on ur facebook status
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10-07-2010 10:50
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The squirrels must be gathering nuts. Three of my neighbors have disappeared.
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10-12-2010 11:30 by Aaron
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I knew I was drunk. I felt sophisticated and couldn't pronounce it.
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01-17-2010 21:36
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"The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office." - Robert Frost
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01-22-2010 07:35 by jake
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My boss asked me to take an anger management class today. I told him I was angry enough with management as it is!
It's not an official disaster until Bono sings about it.
read that Toyota is asking all Prius owners to return cars to the dealerships as slowly as they possibly can.
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02-18-2010 09:55 by marymc
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If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
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02-25-2010 18:19
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thinks that, instead of 45 secs, they should limit tonight's Oscar acceptance speeches to the same as Twitter, 140 characters!!
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03-07-2010 12:18 by Rich Fa
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