M.A.C. Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon just had to separate 5 loads of laundry....and they will just have to sit there and think about what they've done....then and only then will I deal with them....
←Rate | 02-27-2011 14:02 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon just had a near death experience and other peoples' lives flashed before my eyes…I have GOT to stop being so f@#king nosey…
←Rate | 01-20-2011 10:42 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you were stranded on a deserted island with only a solar powered cd player, and a bieber cd........ how would you kill yourself?
←Rate | 02-16-2011 11:54 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon when work feels overwhelming, I just reassure myself that I will die someday....
←Rate | 02-28-2011 16:07 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kudos on the shaved balls, but try longer gym shorts next time….
←Rate | 02-25-2011 12:57 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alright look...I'll be honest, those pants make your ass look like your inner child grew up, and decided to invite some friends over...
←Rate | 02-11-2011 12:51 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon you ever have a conversation with someone and think...If only your family tree had a few more branches, this conversation wouldn't be so painful...
←Rate | 03-01-2011 12:00 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I see small children on leashes, I'm always tempted to run up, scratch their bellies, and ask “How old in human years?”
←Rate | 03-29-2011 17:26 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon now accepting applications for a Valentine...Requirements as follows : 1) Pulse 2) Female...as the day progresses, requirement #1 may become negotiable...
←Rate | 02-14-2011 13:09 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon why must I be made to feel like a porn star everytime I open yogurt....
←Rate | 02-01-2011 15:01 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm pretending to be hungover today, so nobody at work gets the wrong impression of me...the last thing I want to be labled is a responsible adult...
←Rate | 03-18-2011 10:06 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I ever open a knife factory, I'd employ nothing but EMO kids...I'd never have to worry about them reporting an on-the-job injury....
←Rate | 01-24-2011 15:16 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon If reincarnation were real, I'd like to come back as a stomach virus, so I could say that I truly give a sh!t….
←Rate | 02-07-2011 14:45 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think 'supervision' isn't nearly as cool as it sounds...
←Rate | 02-18-2011 10:42 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think facebook needs an "I've seen this before, but I still like it" button....
←Rate | 02-04-2011 18:57 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon my son just said, "nobody needs a girlfriend till you're married!!"....hmmm...great advice I thought....
←Rate | 02-03-2011 17:51 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just took the 'road less traveled'...found Waldo...
←Rate | 02-18-2011 10:59 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon Although it's true that when I think about you I touch myself, it usually involves a sharp instrument to the heart region…you know, as a reminder….
←Rate | 02-07-2011 11:11 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon If anyone is wondering how to build a meth lab, Google apparently has directions on its homepage today…..
←Rate | 03-31-2011 18:21 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon if I could just harness the powers of that groundhog to predict the future...I'd be unstoppable...and I could dig like a mother fu@ker too...
←Rate | 02-02-2011 15:18 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  




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