Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 307 of 6385
Hi welcome to Hollister, Would you like a flashlight?
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02-28-2011 20:06 by Seddy90
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Some people make me understand why monkeys throw their poo.
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07-21-2011 11:07 by CJ
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How to Stop Cyber Bullying: 1. Close your laptop 2. You Win!!
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08-04-2011 03:50 by flinnie
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There is nothing better than waking up to morning sex, unless you wake up in prison.
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09-21-2011 15:05 by Tman294
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That annoying moment when two people start a conversation on YOUR Facebook status.
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10-09-2011 05:29
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According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
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09-12-2011 00:33
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If your day ends in pizza, you have nothing to complain about :D
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09-17-2011 18:22
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Today I connected all the freckles on my arm with a Sharpie. It spells out RIKSHAZ9LIRK. Clearly I am The Chosen One.
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09-29-2011 16:54
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If a girl gets a free drink, it doesn't mean she'll be interested, it'll only mean "YAAY FREE DRINK!!"
Be careful when it comes to reincarnation…. one time I asked to be a singer and I spent 30 years as a sewing machine.
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06-09-2011 12:29 by J. BIAZA
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For Sale: New Nunchucks. Will consider trading for a bag of ice and a new set of marbles.
How come the week always lasts longer than the money you have?
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06-19-2011 21:09 by BEGO
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I am not defined by my past. I am prepared by it.
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03-12-2011 13:27
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does this "no fly zone" mean I can't use the trip to Libya I purchased from my Nigerian lottery winnings?
The only reason I would want to see Donald Trump elected as president is so we could see what his hair does when he gets off of that big helicopter...
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04-30-2011 02:10 by timboss
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pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking...And I plan on finding out what that is.
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05-06-2011 21:29
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i love it when I get tailgated on a bumpy road and the driver behind me has no time to avoid the really big pothole that takes away his body kit.
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05-07-2011 07:22 by mtravica
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I think I'd probably just pay for a Klondike bar.
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05-19-2011 02:56 by jdpower
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People who don't know what they want should not use the drive thru!
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07-14-2011 12:47 by ff1241
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There are two types of people in the world: those who know how to handle stress and those who need bail money.