Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 306 of 6385
I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.
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08-01-2013 07:03 by snotty
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Yes,,, The bathrooms by the pool are a nice touch but completely unnecessary.
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08-23-2013 08:00 by snotty
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I knew she was about to say something intelligent because she began with, "You once told me..."
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05-05-2013 12:32 by Aaron
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When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone’s numbers again, I text them: “Guess who?” for 2 weeks.
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05-12-2013 20:35
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In a stunning display of maturity, Kid Rock announces he is changing his name to Adult Contemporary.
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05-22-2013 15:25 by HiYourJon
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We all lose if CBS doesn't film the next Survivor aboard a Carnival Cruise Ship.
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03-16-2013 22:27 by snotty
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Ladies, if you get in an argument with a guy and you have no chance of winning, start playing with your boobs. Trust me on this one.
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07-31-2012 10:41
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A walk of shame is always sad. Don't make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
Helpful hint: You can park wherever you want if you put your hazard lights on and take your tire off.
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08-17-2012 07:17 by Huck
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"Life is NOT like a box of chocolates, it's more like jar of jalapenos- what you do TODAY can burn your ass TOMORROW!
Dear CocaCola, McDonalds, and other massive companies, unless you have a new product for me, stop showing me commercials. I didn't forget about you. I have never stood at a vending machine and thought, what's that thing in the red can? I promise.
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04-28-2011 14:35 by BEGO
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hoorah to navy seal team 6 for taking out public enemy #1. any chance we can send these guys after whoever is setting the gas prices?
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05-03-2011 07:50
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Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder: 1. The DNA all matches. 2. There are no dental records.
Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, a lot of which you really don't want to see.
After I was born the Doctor had to slap my ass to get me breathing, I was so pissed after that I didn't speak to anyone for almost two years
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06-09-2011 17:11
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Congressman Anthony Weiner just announced he will run for President and has selected Attorney General Eric Holder as his Vice-Presidential running mate. "Weiner-Holder in 2012."
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06-13-2011 17:59 by Jeri H
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do me a favor if someone tells you they don't like me , tell them I don't like them either.
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06-26-2011 13:58
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The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst - So I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
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08-25-2011 17:43 by @clarkysj
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thinking that now the Government of Egypt has banned all internet traffic, do we just call it Gypt?
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02-02-2011 10:48 by markf
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I'm developing a hand sanitizer that only kills the 00.01% of germs that the others can't kill. I'm going to make a fortune! : )
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02-10-2011 00:51
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