Y.P Funny Status Messages

   never apologizes. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am....

   going to McDonald's for a salad like going to a brothel for a hug....

   -- My girlfriend pulled up a chair earlier and said..... "We need to talk about our future."..... I said, "Yeah, it's gonna be f***ing mental - we'll have flying cars, shiny silver suits, holidays on the moon!"...Needless to say - I'm now f***ing single !

   I'm fed up of people challenging my ethics and saying I don't do enough to better the world. Even my coat is recycled, It used to be a leopard

   Hav finally finished my 40,000 piece Jigsaw, it reads- " Get a life you sad F**k "

   Ironically, it's really hard when you suffer from impotency

   My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...

   My wife said to me, "I'm fed up with you being so lazy, pack your bags and leave." I said, "You pack them."

   - So what if I can't spell armaggedon?..... It's not the end of the world. .....

   If you see a man opening a car door for a woman, it means one of two things: it's either a new woman - or a new car. ....

   - Definition of Keyring---A handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your f**king keys at once.....

   I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.....

   -- The Icelandic volcano that has fu***d the majority of Europe's air travel is situated in Eyjafjallajokull, which translates into English as 'fell asleep on my keyboard'.....

   - I was just about to nail some shelves to the wall.....Then I thought, screw it....

   at the supermarket dropping Cucumbers and KY Jelly into random peoples trolleys !!

   --- Just bought the girlfriend a solar powered vibrator....Seeing as the sun shines out of her a** it should save me a fu**ing fortune on batteries.......

   I was walkin past my neighbours white van that was covered in dirt ,someone had wrote on it, "I wish my wife was as dirty as this van." I just couldn't help myself from writing, " She is... When your at work

   Cocaine is never a solution. Unless of course, you dissolve it in water.

   -- I've just invented a wireless, battery-free, hand operated hair-dryer.....I'm calling it a 'Towel'. .....

   -- If pubs don't serve really drunk people why do Mcdonalds serve really fat people?