Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 289 of 6385
87x/59(1 x)=(18*7x)*(67-x).....f*ck this, I'm going to be a stripper.
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07-10-2010 13:20 by GoraN
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Following a successful off-season surgery, Favre appears ready to return for his 20th NFL season.... lobotomies must heal fairly quickly.
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08-18-2010 12:39 by Shamus
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Could you imagine if guys commented on their guy friends' profiles the way girls do? "Bro, you look so handsome" "Looking hot, man!" "OMG, your jawline is cray" "Ugh, how are you this perfect dude? I'm jelly" "sexy much?!"
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10-20-2013 16:48
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If you really want to get to know someone, start arguing with them.
Lady GAGA was at the VMAs covered in meat. Now she's at the Grammys dressed as an egg. Two more red carpets and Gaga will be a Denny's Grand Slam.
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02-13-2011 21:05
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"Just kidding" is just an excuse to not get in trouble for something that you really wanted to say all along.
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
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04-28-2011 20:48 by Mahdi H
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I think that every horoscope should read: "Your day is already a failure... you rely on horoscopes."
I'm not that vain, but that song is about me.
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08-23-2011 22:11 by Fat Alec
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Before you get married try walking with your partner through IKEA. If you don't end up in an argument, you're good to go.
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09-05-2011 05:51 by flinnie
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Roses are red Violets are blue Friend Requests are great But who the f#$k are you?
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07-05-2010 00:25 by RoN
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Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
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01-11-2011 10:36 by Will
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Life is too short for regrets, so after mortally wounding your enemies, learn to forgive yourself and move on
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01-05-2010 11:58
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Noticed this morning that I have the body of a Greek GOD! Old, obsolete, and something that no one is interested in anymore.
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01-16-2010 10:10
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My uncle once told me, believe in yourself, work hard, and try not to have sex with other peoples wifes
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02-19-2010 11:29
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If we're not supposed to have late night snacks.. why is there a light in the fridge?
We spend so much money on buying different clothes... without realizing the best moments are spent without clothes... ;) :D :P
Why the hell do we still use snow shovels when flame throwers are available?
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10-23-2012 12:39
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If someone starts a speech, "I'd like to take this opportunity--," I interrupt by shouting, "He's trying to take our opportunity! Grab him!"
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11-30-2012 02:32
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