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X says Ugly people with beautiful babies should be investigated for child kidnapping.
X says Your Girlfriend's not listening to you? There's a slap for that.
X says Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, get in the van.
X says Fact: Women are the leading cause of herpes. How do I know? It isn't called "HISpes" is it?
X says FACT: Handicapped parking spaces to handicapped drivers ratio is way too high.
X says "A-HA, Caught you red handed" said the guy who caught his girlfriend masturbating on her period.
X says I don't know why it's so hard for ugly people to get laid. Just get together with each other. Problem solved.
X says I am done making fun of fat people, they have enough on their plate already.
X says My girlfriend said she's sick of me 'always being RIGHT'.... So I LEFT
X says Whenever you're feeling sad masturbate, because every sad story deserves a happy ending.
X says Do strippers have nightmares about going to work fully clothed?
X says Gay people are such immaculate dressers because they've spent a lot of time in the closet.
X says You can't truly love someone until you love yourself. That's why I masturbate before dates.
X says Big girls don't cry. (They eat)
X says LADIES: Not all men get into a relationship just for sex. Some just need a personal chef.
X says Hey Rihanna, do you mind if me if me, Lil Wayne, Drake & the guys skateboard on your forehead?
X says Never trust a woman with smelly armpits.
X says Some people can rely on their personality for birth control.
X says I bought a used sex doll. I like a woman with experience.
X says You can tell some girls are sluts because you can smell it through their Facebook photos.