Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   "Dear Mother Nature: If you stop the cold and the snow and the wind I promise to stop calling you a whore."

   just asked my son - where would you be without your mother? His answer: "Probably in the middle of traffic, without my jacket on, talking to some stranger."

   Horror movies don't scare me. Five missed calls from my mother scares me.

   A string of stars tattooed on your chest is a great way to let everyone know you're a 22 year old single mother of 4 kids.

   To all the mothers: Happy Mother's Day. Don't let it go to your head. You are a working double tomorrow.

   "I wish Ted would just tell his poor kids how he met they're mother!!!"

   When you first start dating a girl, they say to look at their Mother to see how they'll look as they age. However.....I feel very judgmental when their Mother is practically the same age as I am:)

   you know its sad when your mother is on facebook and guys younger than you are poking her.

   just changed my profile date of birth and was really loving all the attention until my mom wished me a Happy Birthday. My own mother didn't even know my real birthday is not until April.

   Named my daughter after my mother in law. In fact, Passive Aggressive Psycho turns 5 tomorrow

   Do soccer players actually pay for those hair cuts or do they just find the first drunk guy with a weed eater and insult his mother?

   My mother-in-law is a meteorologist. Well, not a meteorologist, but whatever it is called when you complain about the weather 6 times a day.

   My 4 year old son is running around saying "Yippie-Kay-Yay" and it's taking everything I've got to keep from yelling "Mother-Fucker!" Yeah, I think I may seen "Die Hard" too many times.

   Pay attention to all these women that are posting pictures with their mom's on Mother's Day because that is what they are going to look like!

   My mother always told me if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all... And some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them.

   Dear lady who says she will only date guys who drive Mercedes or BMW cars, yet your father drives a Hyundai; Why can't you be humble like your mother?

   Just read a story in a magazine that a woman is claiming she was raped by an alien.. Big Deal!.. So was Lady Gaga's mother

   When we were kids, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on our foreheads.

   Today I met a FOOL who has both, his girlfriend and her mother as friends on his Facebook.

   Mother's Day: I'm sorry you almost died during those 36 hours you were pushing me out of your vagina. Take these chocolates I bought for you..