Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   i went up 2 my smartest friend and asked what does idk, g2g, and ttyl mean? and he said I dont know, got 2 go, and talk to you later. so I said fine! bye!

   The Best part of tonight is no alarm clock tomorrow

   it seems like alot of people get great comments when they change there relationship status to "Single" so I'm gonna be in a temporary relationship just to let you all know I'm still single?

   If Pokemon is making a comeback... I want to bring back Pogs!

   The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'

   I don't know who example555@hotmail.com is but I wish he would stop using my MSN Messenger.

   A mother my have a thousand daughters but a daughter has only one mother

   It was all so different before everything changed.

   "never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard on and never, ever trust a fart." Jack Nicholson

   If I didn't use the bus,i would never have a man opening a door for me.

   making a list of why you suck

   wonders... How do crazy people go through the forest?They take the psycho path.

   "I guess when they asked me to get the horse bridled and mount her, I did something completely wrong"

   Lou Gehrig didn't have Lou Gehrig's disease. What's next? We find out Hugh Downs doesn't have Down's syndrome?

   thinks that thinking about the thoughts of thinking are too thinkable for thoughts to be thought about thinking, I think

   No porn music has ever gone "bow-chicks-wow-wow" ever. EVER!

   Im gunna make a copy of my facebook and sell it..

   Hey, I'm your friend, I'm two-faced, and I wouldn't mind backstabbing you one day...because that's what all of the friends do am I right...

   Kids 50yrs from now........."Grandpa sure tells long stories about AOL, CDs, and Myspace"

   I love making people laugh. I just hate it when it happens when I get out of the shower and It's my wife. LOL!