Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Do you really have to like everything on Facebook....????

   People used to protest things... Now they just join Facebook groups named 1,000,000 strong against ___________ .

   The Hoff's singing is huge in Germany. He should be proud. Germans have always been known 4 their sound judgment

   I wouldn't feel too good about yourself... "inner beauty" is just a nice way of saying you're fat.

   Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement

   wondering why they call it Joy dish soap when people hate to wash the dishes?

   When God closes one door he opens another. I just hope it's not a trap door.

   "Old people need to urinate all the time... That's why they call it the golden years"

   working on his six pack, of beer that is!

   I bought a treadmill today.It's giving me a run for my money

   out cow died so we don't need your bull

   sick and is therefore listening to The Cure.

   Spys search social networking sites like Facebook for info. It would be great if we could just start posting all kinds of bogus info just to mess with their searches!

   Confessions may be good for the soul, but they are bad for the reputation.

   "Wonder Bread , Fluff and Skippy" a timeless combination

   thinks throwback week is almost as much fun as post your bra color week.

   Screwed-up people settle fights through violence. Screwed-up people start wars that could kill millions. Normal people settle fights through cookies, cakes, and pies. Normal people are fat.

   99% of all women leave there mouth open while applying the makeups, 1 % dont have mirrors

   There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard enough.

   ...just got back from embarrassing himself in front of the Queen. She really doesn't have any idea what a "tea bag" is, and now I'm not allowed withing 1,000 meters of her...