totalpackage Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon noticed the Weather Channel has a new show hosted by a dude named Peter Lik....How old do you have to be for that NOT to be funny because I evidently haven't reached it yet.
←Rate | 03-31-2011 23:47 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm looking for sponsors to prove that money can't make me happy.....Please send generous donations so I can conduct my experiment! ツ
←Rate | 12-09-2011 11:42 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon can't remember the last time I saw a commercial that didn't have to do with auto insurance, cars, beer, or b-o-n-e-r meds...
←Rate | 02-19-2012 03:26 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I gave up "Olympic Synchronized Swimming" for lent....This is gonna be tough!
←Rate | 02-23-2012 09:29 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I almost talked my way out of a ticket today by telling a female cop she was very attractive...but things went sour when I said "and that's not just the booze talking either".
←Rate | 11-17-2011 21:56 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon R.I.P. Rodney King...I'm not quite sure, but getting drunk and smoking "hippy lettuce" in the pool seems to be about as good of an idea as hiring Robert Wagner to be your swim coach...just sayin!
←Rate | 06-17-2012 15:19 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks his GPS has dyslexia....I typed in "Macy's" and it took me to the YMCA!
←Rate | 03-17-2011 02:52 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would like to congratulate myself on placing 18,476th in the "Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest!" ツ
←Rate | 07-04-2012 18:34 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon So the Chantix commercial says to call your doctor immediately if you experience a siezure...Is it just me or would it be pretty difficult to pick up the phone and dial while shaking violently?
←Rate | 12-09-2014 01:35 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon just spent the rest of my Halloween money on Blue Moon Pumpkin Ale.....I hope the trick-or-treaters are happy with some cough drops and a few beef bouillon cubes this year.
←Rate | 10-23-2011 18:29 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon After spending 90 bucks for a gas fill-up today, I'm starting to see the advantages of being Amish....
←Rate | 09-15-2012 00:06 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Steelers must have partied hard last night...They're still wearing their Halloween costumes! ツ
←Rate | 10-28-2012 14:02 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Congress just passed a bill that would allow people to carry a concealed weapon from one state to another....In other words, my trip out of town for Thanksgiving just got a lot more interesting.
←Rate | 11-20-2011 17:27 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm astounded at how fast my "I survived Ebola" t-shirt got me to the front of the Black Friday lines this year..
←Rate | 11-28-2014 15:45 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon it just me or is "Pink" and Billy Idol the same person?
←Rate | 10-11-2013 12:49 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon After suffering my 5000th stubbed toe, I believe now is the time to invent "Nerf" end tables!
←Rate | 07-25-2011 12:59 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can't find any Twinkie seeds. :/
←Rate | 03-13-2012 19:21 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I look forward everyday to extending my streak of never watching a single minute of "The View"!
←Rate | 12-28-2011 00:53 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's funny the only two states that legalized pot are sending their teams to the Super Bowl...I bet you won't be able to find a bag of Funyuns in the entire state of New Jersey.
←Rate | 01-20-2014 13:51 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been looking for an inventive way to get rid of all the worthless telephone books that get dumped at my door step every year so....."Trick Or Treat" kiddos!!!
←Rate | 10-29-2013 01:12 by totalpackage Comments (0)  



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