Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Today is the sixth of September, also known as 6/9. A calendar somewhere must be having fun right now.

   I live in a town named Ripley... believe it or not.

   My 3yr old doesn't like onions on his donut! Onions= shredded coconut!

   If Trump is actually guilty in the Russia scandals then I will seriously commit suicide.

   I earned my certification as a freelance gynecologist...now I need a slogan. "No matter the stench...I'll examine the trench" Thoughts?

   Hillary Clinton. A modern-day Hood Robin. Robs from the poor to give to herself

   Hillary bumped into Trump on the way to the White House and she said "Pardon me"...He Replied, "You want another Pardon?"

   ˝You cant fire Duck Dynasty Guy - he has freedom of speech!˝ are the same noobs who wanted the Guns & Ammo editor fired for his pro-gun control column column

   I LOVE JESUS TOO...he's my mexican lover.

   When life hands you women, make women laid

   Kobe is about to pass MJ in points scored. He already leads 1-0 in rapes.

   Dear Interwebs, You guys go nuts over a stupid dress, and now Spock is dead! This is why we can't have nice things. Stop it, K? Thx.

   Tell a woman she looks great 10,000 times, she never remembers, but call her fat just once and she'll never forget it. AmIright? AmIright?

   What idiot called it "hitting the snooze button" and not "clock blocking"?

   Sex sex sex sex sex sex sex! Now that I have your full attention, its weekend for god's sake, log off and go out there and enjoy your life dammit!

   im dying to see the americans plant a C5 up Ghadafi's candy ass and light it with a matchstick and take pics and post it up on facebook and tag me to it so that I can see the pics while feasting on a bag of potato chips

   X Why does seaworld have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, 'oh my god... I could be eating a slow learner..'. (had to correct the spelling error from the first post)

   Dotn dirnk and update Fistbook statass.

   party in my treehouse at 430

   Its peanut butter and jelly time. Minus the peanut butter, hold the jelly and with beer.