Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Damn girl..you look like you know how to have a good time...at a buffet.

   My girlfriend said she's sick of me 'always being RIGHT'.... So I LEFT

   If your nuts happen to itch while in public, best way is to scratch it from the inside of your pants pocket.

   for the guy saying chasing the American dream doesn't count as exercising, try telling that to the mexicans

   just saw a one armed man walk into a second hand store.

   Q: Why are condoms transparent? A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is Restricted!

   Hussein☑ Bin Laden ☑ Ghadafi ☑ Jerry Sandusky ☐.....I'm sending "SEAL Team 6" over to Sandusky's at Penn State to take care of this matter!

   Imagine if there was drinking game called Tim Tebow and you take a shot everytime you hear his name, I believe half of facebook would be hammered.

   Hood word of the day:TIED Usage: I'm not going out tonight bruh, I'm tied as hell

   Im gonna get a bloodhound just so I know when to stay away from home once a month.

   Strip Rock Paper Scissors is my new favorite game.

   trying to engineer how to get rid of the electricals

   Whitney Houston died just hours after being asked be a judge on the next season of the X Factor. Personally I think she made the right decision.

   They say the more you drink the higher your tolerance is, but that's bullsh!t because my friend's an alcoholic & he still hates gays.

   Me everyday on Facebook chat: Crap, look who's online…LOG OUT LOG OUT LOG OUT…”Hey whats up?”…damn!!

   Sex sex sex sex sex sex sex! Now that I have your full attention, its weekend for god's sake, log off and go out there and enjoy your life dammit!

   im dying to see the americans plant a C5 up Ghadafi's candy ass and light it with a matchstick and take pics and post it up on facebook and tag me to it so that I can see the pics while feasting on a bag of potato chips

   X Why does seaworld have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, 'oh my god... I could be eating a slow learner..'. (had to correct the spelling error from the first post)

   Dotn dirnk and update Fistbook statass.

   party in my treehouse at 430