David Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon From now on every time I see a "for lease" sign, I will put a "navidad" sign under it
←Rate | 11-30-2011 23:31 by David Comments (0)  

   messageicon At the end of each day, life should ask us, 'Do you want to save the changes?'
←Rate | 04-08-2014 17:09 by david Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?
←Rate | 03-12-2010 18:22 by David Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think I owe my right hand a Valentines Day card!
←Rate | 02-14-2012 13:49 by David Comments (0)  

   messageicon So many accidents with Hillary. I'm not even sure she still alive, maybe they're just dragging her body like in Weekend at Bernie's
←Rate | 03-16-2018 14:28 by David Comments (0)  

   messageicon The first joint I hit I smoked behind Grandpa's barn. It made me dizzy, and I coughed a lot. "Don't worry, that always happens with the first hit," said Grandpa. "Try another hit." And you know, he was right!
←Rate | 09-22-2011 16:19 by David Comments (0)  

   messageicon A true friend sees the first tear... catches the second... and stops the third
←Rate | 08-05-2011 05:41 by david Comments (0)  

   messageicon I truly don't understand the needs for ladies 70 and above to bath in their perfume, unless their trying to kill their husband.
←Rate | 05-21-2011 22:19 by David Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you watch Godzilla backwards, it's about a helpful lizard putting a city back together and leaving afterwards.
←Rate | 05-09-2010 13:36 by David Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hey Prince William, I'mma let you finish and all, but we had the most historic event OF ALL TIME.
←Rate | 05-02-2011 17:31 by David Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine."
←Rate | 04-10-2014 15:08 by david Comments (1)  

   messageicon There's a reason it's called 'girls gone wild' and not 'women gone wild'. When girls go wild, they show their tits because their bankrupted, When women go wild, they kill men for insurance policies.
←Rate | 03-05-2013 06:32 by David Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you are late to special ed is it proper for the teacher to say that you are tardy?
←Rate | 09-19-2010 23:34 by David Comments (1)  

   messageicon If you watch Rambo backwards, it's about a medic with a magical bullet vacuum.
←Rate | 05-12-2010 17:39 by David Comments (0)  

   messageicon Girls gone wild...Not the first time Bit@hes bankrupted a man..
←Rate | 03-05-2013 10:20 by David Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ladies if you want your man home more often in the next few months... Madden 11 is here... Oh and NFL SUNDAY TICKET ont be bad either!!!
←Rate | 08-10-2010 15:22 by David Comments (0)  

   messageicon You give that porn actress an award?, she sucks! Nevermind....
←Rate | 01-08-2011 13:40 by David Comments (0)  

   messageicon Subway is being sued for lying about length?!?!?....Not the first time length has been lied about!
←Rate | 01-25-2013 17:06 by David Comments (0)  

   messageicon " OMG ... I would kill for another Nobel Peace Prize. " Barack Obama
←Rate | 09-06-2013 13:47 by David Comments (0)  

   messageicon According to Nostradamus Prophecies, Politicians can resist a Nuclear Winter, The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, a direct Meteor Impact, the Jehovah's Witnesses & Mormons. But not a Sequester!
←Rate | 03-05-2013 13:56 by David Comments (0)  

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