Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence.

   I've said it before and I'll say it again! Those are not my toys, and I don't know why they're in my bedroom! ;-)

   thinks it's funny that Evolutionists believe enough million monkeys will eventually type out a literary work. Facebook has proven this wrong.

   Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words "large" or "size" with "rear end." Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.

   leaned with it, Rocked with it..Hit the dance floor and went to do da stanky legg but twisted my ankle and ended up in the emergency room.

   the only break in life you get is when you die. Live life to the fullest. Be who you are and let these mortals know who you are, They will never forget you.

   Ever had something dawn on you at dusk?

   You and your rumors...you both get around. ;)

   As a Social Networking Expert, I have evaluated your Facebook activity and your status updates. My conclusion: You're all crazy.

   If all of your Facebook pictures are tiny, people think you're retarded.

   Happy Cinco de Mayonnaise!

   Condoms are like going to a music concert with cotton buds in your ears.

   You'd be amazed how often I'm wrong when people say, "Guess what?"

   "I'm in!" - Flynn

   SO homosexuailty is UNNATURAL , like cutting your grass ? like 90% of the food we eat ??Air conditioning ?? Live your own life ..leave everyone else alone !!!

   What do Atheists and Vegans have in common? They never shut up about their lifestyle.

   decided to burn some calories this weekend so I set a fat kid on fire.

   engineering the electricals.

   Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish

   noticed a friends facebook status said that he's suicidal and thinking about jumping off a bridge. So I poked him