Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   People who go out to to socialize can be compared to zombies, who are also not thinking.

   Could it be I'm already thinking about my Thanksgiving dinner? Because it appears to me that Rudy is sweating gravy...

   When this Covid thing is over "is starting to sound like... "When the DALLAS COWBOYS win the Super Bowl"

   If Clint Eastwood sneezes on you, it counts as a baptism.

   I think I've got Bieber Fever. Wait, wait, no, it's Ebola. What a relief!

   stayed awake to watch the Daylight Savings countdown, and still up from all the excitement. #TheyDidntDropABall

   There's "hell" in hello and there's "good" in goodbye. I don't know what that means, but think about it.

   Party Rule No.1: Always make the party worth the hangover.

   I don't care how old you are, When you see a balloon about to hit the floor, you dive too stop that sh*t.

   S.I.N.G.L.E. = (S)tress (I)s (N)ow (G)one (L)ife's (E)asier

   Understand that the road to zombie hell is paved with absolutely good intestines.

   I think the english language is declining... 1992: I like big butts and I cannot lie. 2006: Booty Booty Booty rockin' everywhere. 2011: ass ass ass ass ass ass.

   You're like a Password. Hard to figure out, but I always want to keep trying.

   If I am arguing with someone and they say "READ MY LIPS" I slap them in the mouth and tell them my vision is bad so I need large print.

   Son told me last night if I watched one more episode of Glee he was pulling my "Man" card!! I said whats a "Man" card? He says, something that you no longer have.... Kids these days,,,,,,,

   They got chicken-flavored doggy treats..ok...how does a dog know what a chicken is? He might like it if you give it to him, but he's not gonna say "Oh good I was hoping we was gonna have chicken again"

   Stop calling yourself sexy. The only thing you turn on is a microwave.

   In bed it's 6am, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, its 7:45. At school it's 11:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 11:30

   TRUTH IS:... Kardashian should be a verb for "Bounce"  "Ayo homie i'd like to kick it but I gotta Kardashian"

   May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook