Gripenfelter Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Everything I know about electricity I learned from watching my drunk friends do home repairs.
←Rate | 04-07-2017 01:18 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
←Rate | 01-01-2013 12:29 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's freezing outside. I hear by declare January Nipple Awareness Month.
←Rate | 01-22-2013 08:42 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trojan rejected my safe sex slogan today. "Don't kid yourself".
←Rate | 11-03-2016 09:56 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can already tell December 21st will be the most annoying day in Facebook history.
←Rate | 12-12-2012 20:57 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well...this apocalypse is off to a slow start...can't believe I shaved my balls for this.
←Rate | 12-21-2012 08:27 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon The music industry has suffered a great loss. Justin Bieber was found ALIVE in his hotel room.
←Rate | 08-28-2014 21:40 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever my wife falls asleep in public I start slapping her and yelling "DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!!" Then people cheer and applaud when she wakes up.
←Rate | 06-09-2016 22:57 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Figured out who my favorite child is on the drive home today when "Thunder Struck" by AC/DC came on the radio. Child #1: What is that noise? Is something wrong with the radio? Child #2: Turn it up papa!!
←Rate | 05-04-2014 23:23 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your spouse was there for you when you were broke, and they were there for you when you lost your job, and they were there for you when the bank took your house, you should probably get a divorce and look for a new spouse because this one is bad luck.
←Rate | 12-30-2012 22:23 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Jeez. There is no reason to tailgate me in the SLOW LANE. Especially when I'm doing 20 kph over the limit anyways. And those stupid ricer flashing red and blue lights on your roof make you look ridiculous.
←Rate | 11-12-2012 14:58 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when movies say "May contain nudity." Well does it doesn't it? I don't want to waste my time.
←Rate | 11-02-2012 22:01 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon This whole Gorilla thing makes me wonder what kind of thoughtless ignorant parent tries to raise a child in Ohio?
←Rate | 06-01-2016 00:10 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon It all makes sense now!! Gay marriage and Pot legalized on the same day... Leviticus 20:13 "If a man lays with another man he should be stoned." We've just been misinterpreting it all these years!!
←Rate | 11-11-2012 00:58 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Found the perfect stocking stuffer. Someone threw away a perfectly good prosthetic leg in the dumpster.
←Rate | 12-24-2012 21:50 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saying, "Finger Lickin' Good" out loud -- even at KFC -- makes everyone pretty uncomfortable.
←Rate | 05-18-2016 01:52 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon 9 1/2 months from now there are gonna be a lot of babies born...suckers.
←Rate | 12-21-2012 08:33 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hand sanitizer?? No thanks, I let my kids eat dirt when they were little so now they have no allergies.
←Rate | 07-15-2015 00:15 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women are like snowflakes. They can't drive.
←Rate | 12-12-2012 11:05 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon When pulling out the a nal beads, never say "And the winning powerball numbers are..."
←Rate | 05-31-2015 22:21 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  



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