Gripenfelter Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I always regret making a good first impression. Because there's no way I can keep that up for long.
←Rate | 09-27-2019 22:35 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon I swear we are fighting two pandemics Covid 19 and Stupidity.
←Rate | 03-26-2020 13:28 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon The reporter on CNN said that at the end of the day, the thing that will keep you safe is common sense. Some of you are in serious trouble.
←Rate | 04-01-2020 08:04 by Gripenfelter Comments (1)  


   messageicon Pro Tip: If you wear a face mask your coworkers can't smell the alcohol on your breath.
←Rate | 05-12-2020 00:55 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember, if you tell people who you voted for, it won’t come true
←Rate | 10-22-2019 11:35 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon A woman's superpower is turning an insignificant misunderstanding into a catastrophe of biblical proportions.
←Rate | 12-10-2019 07:04 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon The things I do to make my wife happy. I'm wearing her underwear. She doesn't know I'm wearing them but when she puts them on tomorrow she'll think she lost weight.
←Rate | 09-25-2019 21:59 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon For $250/hr I will pose as a couples counselor and tell your partner they are wrong about everything.
←Rate | 09-05-2019 23:48 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate waiting in lines. Hurry up and pick a suspect already.
←Rate | 09-25-2019 21:59 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook needs a notification like: “Karen took your Facebook post personally. Would you like to unfriend her?”
←Rate | 12-25-2019 14:31 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon The person who said "One person can't change the world" obviously never ate an under-cooked bat.
←Rate | 03-27-2020 10:43 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everything I know about electricity I learned from watching my drunk friends do home repairs.
←Rate | 04-07-2017 01:18 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon This is the longest something made in China has lasted.
←Rate | 03-27-2020 03:36 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you drive by my house and see my kids picking weeds and crying, keep driving. They're on a field trip. #Quarantined
←Rate | 04-01-2020 07:54 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
←Rate | 01-01-2013 12:29 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's freezing outside. I hear by declare January Nipple Awareness Month.
←Rate | 01-22-2013 08:42 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon How long are we supposed to do this social distancing thing? My wife keeps trying to get back into the house.
←Rate | 03-22-2020 14:28 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trojan rejected my safe sex slogan today. "Don't kid yourself".
←Rate | 11-03-2016 09:56 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can already tell December 21st will be the most annoying day in Facebook history.
←Rate | 12-12-2012 20:57 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well...this apocalypse is off to a slow start...can't believe I shaved my balls for this.
←Rate | 12-21-2012 08:27 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  




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