Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "K"= Conversation Over!!!

   Dogs barking to the song Jingle Bells?... Sure why not. You know what, put it on repeat so I have time to tie a noose and find a shaky chair.

   This just in: The next upcoming New Years Rockin' Eve is to be hosted by a Hologram of Dick Clark.

   No one man has done more to bring peace to mankind than the inventor of coffee.

   How do you get a red wine stain off a baby?

   WHAT,, Age is only a number??? I Don't think so asshat....."age" is a word...

   If you think holding in a fart is difficult, try holding in an ethnic joke that JUST crosses the line.

   A relationship without trust is like a car with no gas. You can stay in it as long as you want, but its not going anywhere..

   Anything you say in a small town can and will be used against you.

   I want to quit drinking, but my momma didn't raise a quitter!

   Binoculars have to be the worst gift you can buy for a cyclops.

   Guy walks into a bookshop ....... ''Do you have the new book out for men with short pen!s's? cant remember the title'' ''Im not sure if its in yet'' ''Thats the one, i'll take a copy

   The last time Houston was under this much water her first name was Whitney.

   Trump only complained about the NFL only a few times but the news keeps playing it over and over so you think it's all he is talking about.

   Remember how people saying the pandemic would be over the day after the election? Well, you haven't seen much about in the news these past few days, have you?

   On Facebook, never judge a woman by his profile picture.

   Trying to choose who to Vote for President is like trying to choose whether to eat a Dog Turd or a Cat Turd.

   Remember last election they said its Bernie or bust. So they voted for trump. Its still going to be Bernie or bust. So they will reelect trump before joe.

   If one drop of rain can find it's way to the ocean, one prayer can find it's way to God.

   Did you fall from heaven? Because your face is kinda messed up.