Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Somewhere in Alaska, Sarah Palin is crying into her bucket of Chick-Fil-A.

   I wonder if the guy that changes Casey Anthony's oil knows a thing or two about brakes and being a national hero?

   6.9 is just like 69, but a period got in the way.

   “Even in a happy relationship, it's seems to be possible to have a wandering eye or even crave affection from another person.

   I was so depressed last night and called a Suicide Hotline. I had to press 1 for English. I was connected to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck….

   I'm wondering what we can trade Obama for ???

   I'd imagine that muslim sex dolls blow themselves up.

   It’s President Obama’s birthday. I can’t believe it’s been 61 years since his mother forged his birth certificate.

   Gee. Lets ask an openly christian man who owns a chain of restaurants that are closed on Sunday what his beliefs on gay marriage are, then act surprised when we find out his beliefs.... Idiots.

   purposely pouring water on Gremlins

   processing please wait

   Jesus, take the wheel. My beer just rolled under the seat..

   Verizon's new slogan: Kenya hear me now.

   [How Most Wars Have Started Between Countries] "You believe in God?", "No" , (BANG!!). or "You believe in God?" , "Yes" , "You believe in MY God?" , "No" , (BANG!!)

   I just googled 2013 and it said the new Batman movie comes out SO TAKE THAT MAYANS.

   I've Decided To Get MARRIED :All Women May Now FORM AN ORDERLY LINE...... .. Only The Most Beautiful Or The Very Rich Women Need Apply . . Please Send Me A Private Message With Your Photo or A copy Of Your Bank Balance ,The Winner Will Notified By email

   I saw an Indian guy violently shaking a rug, I suppose to clean it. I couldn't help myself, I asked "Can't get it started?"

   She is so slutty, her facebook wall has a glory hole!

   Spiderman isnt the only one that gets sticky hands after using the Web all day...... If you know what I mean ;)

   I once dumped a cross eyed girl. I thought she was seeing someone els