Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I pooped in a plastic egg and put it in my neighbors bushes. Cant wait for his annoying kid to find it.

   The US is ranked 25th in math scores...this isn't any surprise to me, our elected leaders can't even ballance a budget.

   To the guy next to me at the rest-area urinal...The fact that you still have your sunglasses on kinda creeps me out.

   I text my Ex yesterday and she didn't text back..Obviously she passed out of excitement!

   It's dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

   What hip hop music needs is more songs set in nightclubs. About nightclubs. Encouraging people to go to nightclubs.

   Just saw a homeless guy wearing a Nickelback shirt. Further proof that listening to Nickelback leads directly to homelessness.

   We live in a country where obesity is on the rise and skinny jeans are becoming a fad... I fear for the future.

   Facebook is serious. I put more thought into whether or not to accept a friend request than whether or not to sleep with someone. 

   Here's wishing #Sandusky gets the "Jeffrey Dahmer" special

   When tyranny becomes law rebellion becomes duty

   If health care is a right then why don't I have the right to refuse it with. That is the different between a Right and a law boys and girls

   ...... "Barack INSANE Obama" .... Truth in advertising.

   So let me get this straight, the same people who are responsible for 9/11 are also responsible for 20% of Killary's campaign contributions. Anyone see an issue with this?

   Wait, free healthcare premiums are going up again?? Don't worry Democrats, it'll be announced after your fools elect you...

   Don't forget boys and girls: IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING! So the FBI can ignore you and let the shooter go ahead and so his thing.

   Back when I was in high school, we didn't have guns to shoot people. We used our fists!

   How was the peaceful protest at Berkeley last night? Did they quitely sing kumbaya?

   I remember going to see Dr Hook in the 80s. Worst prostate exam ever!! 😲

   Looting continues across the country. Police report no work boots stolen yet.