Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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BREAKING: The Washington Redskins, due to the embarrassing nature of their name, have decided to remove the "Washington" from it. 
If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.
Yesterday,, Someone once tried to break into my taxidermy studio,,, but I fought them off with my bear hands.
Black lies Murder ....
Schiff is like a boil on the ass of democracy.
My leg fell asleep; so this means I qualify for handicap parking right?
the fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist
Sometimes it's just easier to pay someone else than to try to do it yourself....Especially when that something is spreading herpes or glitter
Dear BP: Animals soaking up the oil is not a spill response plan.
have I told you lately that I love you....? No? thats because I can't handle your miserable, twisted, soul destroying face anymore! Oh and by the way....I'm telling someone else I love them while you pack!
My boyfriend says I treat him like a child. So I gave him a sticker for standing up for himself.
It ain't rocket science folks, women LOVE douchebags.
There's a woman in New Jersey that has a rare medical condition that makes her have 100's of unwanted orgasims. She has 100's of orgasims a day and is still complaining. That just proves women are never happy
so poor that he can't even pay attention
Who are your favorite underground artists?? Mine are Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston
"Zebo, a half blind five year old south african orphan has to ride seven miles a day with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes. Give just a small donation of two dollars and we will send you the video its hilarious."
Calm down check out guy, you don't have to inspect my $20 so hard, If I was talented enough to make my own, I wouldn't be in Quickie Mart.
I've said this before but, It's funny how you think you know someone so well, then you bang his wife and then his true colors start to show.
After only one date, I knew her "emotional closet" was a walk in!
Its shake weight time, minus the shake weight. 