Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Someone needs to brew a great beer and call it “Roses”! That way when you show up at your ladies door with a card and a dozen roses, you know at least you're going to have a great time!

   Valentine's Day : Because love isn't quite complicated enough as it is....

   I hope when they write my biography they leave out my being afraid to poop in public places

   If you are ever wondering who is rapping in a song, just wait 4 more seconds and he'll say his name.

   just realized how valuable photoshop can be...when you need to pin something on your boss...like a donkey…for blackmail…

   Love is like a glass door… Sometimes you don't see it and it smacks you right in the face.

   -Grand Theft Auto is the only way I can express myself freely without any consequences....

   believes the hardest thing about learning to ride a horse is the ground.

   Arnold might not make a good dad... the whole "Hasta la vista baby" issue should have been the first clue!

   Mission impossible: Living the champagne lifestyle on beer budget.

   Be careful what you wish for... I may not fit in that bottle but I have great aim......

   False hope is the only thing that gets me through the day

   Just on Facebook to see what's going on, so I won't be surprised by CNN's Breaking News.

   Troubles keep me interested in my life :)

   I hope all of Osama's 72 virgins look and sound like Justin Bieber!!

   thinking between the death of Osama bin Laden and the marriage of Kate Middleton and Prince William it's an exciting time to be in the commemorative plate business!!!!

   I judge women by how comfortable their shoes are.

   You really don't know a person until you realize they don't know how to spelle

   I personally think that Hank Jr is just laying the groundwork for a stint on Dancing With the Stars........

   I think it's kinda creepy that Facebook tells everyone where you are on every post.