Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   everyone hopes for a happy ending...except inmates

   WAIT,,,I Just read that grizzly bears can run faster than horses?. THEN WHY AREN'T WE RIDING GRIZZLY BEARS?

   Struggling with Impostor Syndrome a lot lately. I guess I just need to relax, take a breath, and remind myself that my father was the Czar.

   What do Chicago Bulls fans do after watching the Bulls win a play-off game?? ... turn off the play station 3

   When a woman says "I can't get laid" we all know she's just being damn picky.

   Keep it up and you will die pretty early in the book I'm writing.

   Follow your heart, but bring your brain for back-up.

   You know you are a complete loser when you are doing hard time for shoplifting in the dollar store.

   thinks that without Analytical Geometry, life is pointless.

   I really hate it when Wikipedia copies my entire homework!

   the last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still technically on the list.

   Japanese has so many characters, their alphabet soup comes in two separate cans.

   If you don`t like something, change it. If you can`t change it, change your attitude. Don`t complain...

   I may not be the best, but I'm definitely not like the rest!

   I still make the "Jerk~off" motion when someone is talking WAY too long & looks away from me!

   I need some attention today. Can't decide if I should go with the, "why does this always happen to me" status, or a line from an Adele song.

   Life can take you anywhere. And here we are.

   Some people think the world absolutely revolves around them. Not once have they asked how my day is going

   Is marshmallow a vegetable or a fruit?

   some people just gotta have that daily dose of drama