Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'd rather live my life knowing and accepting that I'm not perfect, rather than spend my whole life pretending to be perfect.

   So they don't have Rogaine in England, huh?

   That awkward moment when you're late for class, and when you walk in, everyone stares at you like you killed someone.

   I would pay $1,000 to watch Sarah Palin explain the plot of LOST in her own words.

   Why does everybody try to hide from each other in the Dollar Store? I saw your ass over at the bargain bin fool.

   Changing a whole text because you didn't know how to spell one word.

   I am in the process of writing a new country song for someone special....... Its called "If I woulda shot you sooner, Id be outta prison by now."

   To the people on FB who creep on the reg, yet never post anything and never comment on anything.. I know your out there, and I know your reading this..

   Damn! Facebook goes through more mood swings and changes than a 18 year old girl........or is it a 21 year old? [ I forgot which one was b*tch!er]

   Wonders...Do you think the guy that invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "If you build it, they will come"

   The problem isn't government assistance for people who need it. The problem is government assistance for people just because they can get it.

   Does anyone know how long you can put chicken in the freezer? I put one in last night and it was dead this morning.

   When are Korn and Hole going to tour together?

   Remember Jesus died for our sins, so if you aren't sinning, he died in vain.

   Help control the idiot crisis, get your democrat neutered or spayed.

   On next week's walking dead! Guest star Paul Walker!!!....still too soon?

   Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"

   If a republican is elected president, then America will have officially dispelled the rumor that once you go black, you never go back.

   To catch me, you gotta be fast; to find me, you gotta be smart; but to BE ME!! DAMN! You must be kidding!

   Hmmmm. Egypt's people protested and forced their president to resign...what's everyone doing this weekend?