Reznor Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Kim Kardashian settles lawsuit with Old Navy over stealing her likeness; also settles with The Gap over stealing her nickname.
←Rate | 08-31-2012 12:41 by Reznor Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score last night!
←Rate | 07-09-2012 15:19 by Reznor Comments (0)  


   messageicon My therapist told me I should quit drinking alcohol and caffeine. I laughed and said "Maybe you're the crazy one!!"
←Rate | 09-13-2012 12:11 by Reznor Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ahhhh My Facebook wall filled with pics of new lap tops, cellphones, cameras and countless trips to the tattoo parlor. There is either a sale at Walmart or its Tax time in America!
←Rate | 02-10-2012 14:56 by Reznor Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friend told me not to say anything about her new boyfriends lazy eye, so I made sure to give numerous compliments on his normal one.
←Rate | 01-25-2013 16:18 by Reznor Comments (0)  


   messageicon Couldn't it have been a little cooler for National No Bra Day??
←Rate | 07-09-2012 15:14 by Reznor Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just got flipped off from a guy in a smart car. I didnt know if I should be mad or laugh.
←Rate | 08-14-2012 19:19 by Reznor Comments (0)  


   messageicon China has really impressed me in the Olympics. They use the same person for every event!
←Rate | 08-03-2012 09:49 by Reznor Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you see a guy with no arms and your first thought is "My god how does he drink his beer??", You might be an alcoholic.
←Rate | 04-02-2013 01:06 by Reznor Comments (0)  


   messageicon By the time a woman realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks shes wrong.
←Rate | 01-29-2012 04:38 by Reznor Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear ladies: If you're tired of guys staring at your boobs, just turn around. We like asses too.
←Rate | 01-31-2012 06:51 by Reznor Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ive saved a ton of money on Birthday Cards by switching to Facebook!
←Rate | 04-28-2012 13:48 by Reznor Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today feels like a pull the fire alarm kinda day.
←Rate | 07-13-2012 15:54 by Reznor Comments (0)  


   messageicon What has 75 balls and screws little old ladies? Bingo
←Rate | 01-29-2012 01:56 by Reznor Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well guess its time to do the dishes....... The kids are drinking their milk from shotglasses.
←Rate | 07-03-2012 05:54 by Reznor Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they're absolutely right because smart men don't get married.
←Rate | 08-31-2012 12:50 by Reznor Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Mushy-Card-Nasty-Candy-in-a-Heart-Shaped-Box-Big-Balloon-That-Barely-Fits-in-Your-Car-And-You-Can't-See-to-Back-Up-$75-Rose s-That-Can-be-Bought-Tomorrow-for-$20-but-Must-be-Sent-to-"Prove"-Your-Love-Stand-In-Line-for-Two-Hours-to-Eat Day!! <HATE
←Rate | 02-14-2012 07:04 by Reznor Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say alcohol kills people. Lets not forget how many people were born because of it.
←Rate | 10-29-2012 17:16 by Reznor Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend wants something with lots of diamonds for Valentine's Day. She is going to love this deck of cards!
←Rate | 01-27-2012 17:00 by Reznor Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well it sounds like my girlfriend is upstairs reading "50 Shades of Grey" or she's been building up to sneeze for the last 10 minutes.
←Rate | 07-15-2012 21:19 by Reznor Comments (0)  



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