Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1332 of 6446

can't really remember, but I think my life must have been a lot more productive before she discovered Facebook...
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01-17-2010 02:03 by Ginger C.
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I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enoug
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02-02-2010 21:35
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I want a search engine that will tell me where my keys are.

Just found a document that says all of our restrictions have been lifted! It’s pretty old though, it’s dated 1776.
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01-04-2021 08:30
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Maybe when the stuff was going down at the Capitol on Wednesday, the Government should have sent in Social Workers instead of the police.
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01-08-2021 11:51
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People are being paid to protest Trump's election .... Heck .... He's not even President yet and he's already creating Jobs!!!!
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11-09-2016 22:53
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How come Sanctuary cities have the fastest growing crime rates?
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01-02-2017 22:15
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All I am saying is if Donald Trump was really a friend of the Gay people, one of them would have fixed his wig and makeup by now.
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06-23-2016 00:16 by Baddie
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ever wonder if the mcDonalds logo is the letter "m" or just an image of your butt cheeks it will cause?
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07-17-2013 02:47 by Eddy
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Gang-related violence in my office is up 25% since this meeting started.
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08-14-2013 07:57
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My wife looks super hot without glasses. That's why I stopped wearing them.

I spent $100 at the grocery store and there still isn't anything to eat in my house
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09-13-2012 18:25
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If you're on the treadmill next to me, the answer is “Yes. We are racing.”

Just because you're offended doesn't mean you're right
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09-23-2012 13:39
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I have no idea what anyone means when they describe the weather as 'crisp'. If you're going to use the word 'crisp', you really should be talking about bacon.
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10-21-2012 15:37 by Mickey
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In Mother Russia, we don't shoot for the stars, the stars shoot for us
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02-16-2013 19:28 by Yaj
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If you're single and you know it hug your cat!
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03-03-2013 06:34 by Czovczov
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Did you hear the bad news about about Lil Wayne? He's ok.
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03-16-2013 00:13
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I hate it when people rub things in my face... unless it's two boobs.

Accidentally dropping a full bottle of vodka on the ground really destroys your spirit.
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06-06-2013 15:31 by Aaron
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