Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon can't really remember, but I think my life must have been a lot more productive before she discovered Facebook...
←Rate | 01-17-2010 02:03 by Ginger C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enoug
←Rate | 02-02-2010 21:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want a search engine that will tell me where my keys are.
←Rate | 03-01-2010 13:05 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just found a document that says all of our restrictions have been lifted! It’s pretty old though, it’s dated 1776.
←Rate | 01-04-2021 08:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe when the stuff was going down at the Capitol on Wednesday, the Government should have sent in Social Workers instead of the police.
←Rate | 01-08-2021 11:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People are being paid to protest Trump's election .... Heck .... He's not even President yet and he's already creating Jobs!!!!
←Rate | 11-09-2016 22:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How come Sanctuary cities have the fastest growing crime rates?
←Rate | 01-02-2017 22:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All I am saying is if Donald Trump was really a friend of the Gay people, one of them would have fixed his wig and makeup by now.
←Rate | 06-23-2016 00:16 by Baddie Comments (2)  


   messageicon ever wonder if the mcDonalds logo is the letter "m" or just an image of your butt cheeks it will cause?
←Rate | 07-17-2013 02:47 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gang-related violence in my office is up 25% since this meeting started.
←Rate | 08-14-2013 07:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife looks super hot without glasses. That's why I stopped wearing them.
←Rate | 09-09-2012 15:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I spent $100 at the grocery store and there still isn't anything to eat in my house
←Rate | 09-13-2012 18:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're on the treadmill next to me, the answer is “Yes. We are racing.”
←Rate | 09-22-2012 10:52 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just because you're offended doesn't mean you're right
←Rate | 09-23-2012 13:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have no idea what anyone means when they describe the weather as 'crisp'. If you're going to use the word 'crisp', you really should be talking about bacon.
←Rate | 10-21-2012 15:37 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon In Mother Russia, we don't shoot for the stars, the stars shoot for us
←Rate | 02-16-2013 19:28 by Yaj Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're single and you know it hug your cat!
←Rate | 03-03-2013 06:34 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you hear the bad news about about Lil Wayne? He's ok.
←Rate | 03-16-2013 00:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate it when people rub things in my face... unless it's two boobs.
←Rate | 03-27-2013 11:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon Accidentally dropping a full bottle of vodka on the ground really destroys your spirit.
←Rate | 06-06-2013 15:31 by Aaron Comments (0)  




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