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X is regrets to inform you that due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
X says curiosity overpowers knowledge.. Now I have a midget transvestite prostitue knocking on my door
X feels like pile-driving his whiny coworker thru a thick glass table bound with barbed wire into a pool of rubbing alcohol with rusty nails and then set it on fire and drink a beer...
X thinks 'friends with benefits' should came with a health care package..
X has peeled so many labels off of beer bottles, he'll be able to wallpaper the room that he'd eventually have sex in with them
X is wondering if he's the only one who thinks the lady who got attacked by a chimp and showed her face on Oprah looks like a teenage mutant ninja turtle
X woke up and thought his alarm clock was laughing out loud at him... Then I realized I was looking at it upside down, it was 7:07
X is upset that facebook won't let him start a relationship with himself
X thinks the armed forces needs to enlist ninjas..who's ever looking for a ninja?
X giving up Status Updates for lent
X wondering if anybody ever won the lottery playing the lucky numbers in fortune cookies
X says wondering why Band*Aid doesnt make ethnically colored bandages
X wondering what ever happened to the hole in the ozone layer, did global warming heat it shut?
X says "Eating habits? You wanna know my eating habits? Well everytime I have to take a sh!t it's an emergency, hows that?"
X wants to remind all you out there that the proper way to annunciate it is "ValentiNes day" - not valentiMes day
X is in bed by 9, and home by 11..
X was riding the escalator the other day, and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half..
X says according to maxipad commercials, all women are full of winshield washer fluid
X wonders at what point in a proctologists life do they decide, 'When I grow up, I want to be sure everyones a$$ho!e is puckered up and functional!"
X going to get a tattoo that says "Live Without Regrets", and have it spelled wrong.