Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1325 of 6446

It's amazing how everyone is suddenly a political genius one month every 4 years.
←Rate |
10-21-2012 07:53 by Baddie
Comments (0)

If you can't say anything nice about someone, then say it very vaguely and put it as your Facebook status ツ

Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in a cage, we just want to set them free...
←Rate |
01-17-2013 11:07 by SEAN
Comments (0)

It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them.
←Rate |
01-30-2013 19:24
Comments (0)

If I ever get to an age where the music from the ice cream truck doesn't make me excited, pull the plug.
←Rate |
07-21-2012 09:43
Comments (0)

When is decency going to be cool again?
←Rate |
08-28-2012 10:32 by Czovczov
Comments (0)

Facts do something the media never does...tell the truth.
←Rate |
07-14-2013 12:49 by liveeurt
Comments (0)

I hate that they put "use by" dates on condoms... like I'm not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.
←Rate |
07-23-2013 12:37 by Daheavy1
Comments (0)

I'm the black sheep of my family, or as I like to say, I'm not the boring one.
←Rate |
08-09-2013 14:19 by Baddie
Comments (0)

My hair has the 'I just did it' look going on. My hair is a liar.
←Rate |
10-25-2012 13:43
Comments (0)

Everyone I know is either pregnant or married and it makes me wish...I could find a decent drinking buddy to replace all you sellouts
←Rate |
05-18-2013 06:10 by Raven
Comments (0)

Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.”
←Rate |
05-23-2013 10:47 by Mickey
Comments (0)

So the government gave the order for Verizon to hand over phone records so we can help them track (cough-cough) "terrorists".........yeah ok.
←Rate |
06-06-2013 17:06 by Danmanz
Comments (0)

I have this recurring dream where I'm locked up in a room with all the people I've ever offended in my entire life and they are all glaring at me and I think, Great! I get to make fun of all you losers at once.
←Rate |
07-26-2011 16:31
Comments (0)

I'm not a porn star, but I'll give it a try.
←Rate |
04-23-2011 13:12
Comments (0)

When I have a kid, I'm going to go to the mall, put him into a double stroller, and run around looking frantic.
←Rate |
05-13-2011 18:47 by maria
Comments (0)

I consider each one of my friends a gift. Now if only I could remember where I put some of those receipts...

Sometimes I need to recheck my facebook account to remember what I did this past weekend.
←Rate |
05-30-2011 16:50 by ff1241
Comments (0)

Choose your Facebook profile pic carefully. It'll be the one they use when you go missing

If you listen closely... you can hear the gas pump tell your kids' college fund to go f*ck itself.