Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon It's amazing how everyone is suddenly a political genius one month every 4 years.
←Rate | 10-21-2012 07:53 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you can't say anything nice about someone, then say it very vaguely and put it as your Facebook status ツ
←Rate | 01-12-2013 19:37 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in a cage, we just want to set them free...
←Rate | 01-17-2013 11:07 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them.
←Rate | 01-30-2013 19:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I ever get to an age where the music from the ice cream truck doesn't make me excited, pull the plug.
←Rate | 07-21-2012 09:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When is decency going to be cool again?
←Rate | 08-28-2012 10:32 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facts do something the media never does...tell the truth.
←Rate | 07-14-2013 12:49 by liveeurt Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate that they put "use by" dates on condoms... like I'm not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.
←Rate | 07-23-2013 12:37 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm the black sheep of my family, or as I like to say, I'm not the boring one.
←Rate | 08-09-2013 14:19 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My hair has the 'I just did it' look going on. My hair is a liar.
←Rate | 10-25-2012 13:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone I know is either pregnant or married and it makes me wish...I could find a decent drinking buddy to replace all you sellouts
←Rate | 05-18-2013 06:10 by Raven Comments (0)  


   messageicon Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.”
←Rate | 05-23-2013 10:47 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon So the government gave the order for Verizon to hand over phone records so we can help them track (cough-cough) "terrorists".........yeah ok.
←Rate | 06-06-2013 17:06 by Danmanz Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have this recurring dream where I'm locked up in a room with all the people I've ever offended in my entire life and they are all glaring at me and I think, Great! I get to make fun of all you losers at once.
←Rate | 07-26-2011 16:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not a porn star, but I'll give it a try.
←Rate | 04-23-2011 13:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I have a kid, I'm going to go to the mall, put him into a double stroller, and run around looking frantic.
←Rate | 05-13-2011 18:47 by maria Comments (0)  


   messageicon I consider each one of my friends a gift. Now if only I could remember where I put some of those receipts...
←Rate | 08-08-2011 19:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I need to recheck my facebook account to remember what I did this past weekend. 
←Rate | 05-30-2011 16:50 by ff1241 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Choose your Facebook profile pic carefully. It'll be the one they use when you go missing
←Rate | 06-10-2011 14:06 by elpedrohome Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you listen closely... you can hear the gas pump tell your kids' college fund to go f*ck itself.
←Rate | 03-10-2011 12:33 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  




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