Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Wife: I wish I was newspaper, so I'd be in your hands all day. Husband:I too wish that you were newspaper, so I could have a new one everyday.
←Rate | 08-14-2010 15:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why limit happy to just an hour?
←Rate | 01-27-2012 16:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Mushy-Card-Nasty-Candy-in-a-Heart-Shaped-Box-Big-Balloon-That-Barely-Fits-in-Your-Car-And-You-Can't-See-to-Back-Up-$75-Rose s-That-Can-be-Bought-Tomorrow-for-$20-but-Must-be-Sent-to-"Prove"-Your-Love-Stand-In-Line-for-Two-Hours-to-Eat Day!! <HATE
←Rate | 02-14-2012 07:04 by Reznor Comments (0)  


   messageicon If we all band together and don't show up for work tomorrow, we could put an end to this 'wake up on Monday' nonsense once and for all. Spread the word.
←Rate | 10-23-2011 21:34 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're flirting with a women and she asks "Are you coming onto me?" whisper in her ear "I never pull out."
←Rate | 12-30-2011 14:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so rude when people talk at the movies while you're on the phone!
←Rate | 01-09-2012 15:41 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with “lol” should be damn shot.
←Rate | 04-16-2012 21:34 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon I organized a threesome last night....there were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time
←Rate | 04-23-2012 17:58 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't you think it's time we start referring to flat screen TVs, simply as TVs?
←Rate | 05-29-2012 10:48 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Women are such mysterious creatures. Beautiful unsolvable mysteries. Like them big alien crop circles........... but with nipples"
←Rate | 09-15-2011 23:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I call one of my coworkers "Adobe Updater" because she tries to be helpful, but she's really just annoying.
←Rate | 09-27-2011 16:25 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're a thug driving a luxury SUV fully customized, don't be surprised when I question the legitimacy of your income.
←Rate | 08-18-2011 10:13 by Goodeolboy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Mayan Calendar says the world will end on Dec 21, 2012, which really means a lot of babies will be born on Sept 21, 2013.
←Rate | 09-07-2011 05:43 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If someone doesn't ask me, "What in the hell is wrong with you?" at least once a day, I feel like a failure.
←Rate | 09-07-2011 15:04 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon saw a guy give a homeless man a coffee....Great! Now he is alert and fully aware of his surroundings...the street, the alley, his shopping cart...
←Rate | 02-02-2011 10:05 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon no wonder gangsters pants hang so low there so full of sh*t
←Rate | 02-03-2011 00:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby
←Rate | 02-10-2011 11:27 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Scr*w you recommended serving size. You don't know me
←Rate | 02-25-2011 16:32 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Last week, a lady in China had a baby with three arms. They're always one step ahead of us aren't they? He's probably making shoes and toys right now as I type this.
←Rate | 06-08-2011 12:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just saw a dude put sunscreen on his back by squirting it on a wall and backing into it.
←Rate | 06-23-2011 12:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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