Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   its POOP again....Don't put it out with your boots TED!!!

   The 186th rule of Fight Club is there is no such thing as a male BFF...!

   The Skirt, skirt in the front, shorts in the back; it's like a mullet for your ass!!

   With all the disease in this world, I'm just happy I didn't catch "The Stupid", or any other airborne illness like Freckles

   DON'T LOOK AT ME IN THAT TONE OF VOICE

   Watching the neighbors climb in their SUV with dirt shovels and a rolled up carpet hmmm.... oh well

   needs money for alcohol research. Please donate.

   Slutty Is The New Trend..Well Aren't You Just The Little Trend Setter?

   Failure is not an Option, and Defeat is not a Choice!

   born with two helpings of brains but only half a helping of heart

   it was a JOKE that I had my status as female on facebook....i have changed that...now can people please stop calling me "chicky babe"

   Just think, next year at this time I will be able to say Happy 2012, but with an evil grin on my face,

   I've been f***ed up by Karma so many times I could write the KaRma Sutra by now…

   Some days I wake up Grumpy....other days I let her sleep in....

   wants to play basketball with the president and dunk on his delegates.

   If April showers bring Mayflowers, what do Mayflowers bring? Genocide.

   How do you know when you're with a gentleman? At the end of the date he asks, "May I inquire as to the possibilities which center around my being able to accompany you into your humble abode, whereby you gratuitously allow me to stick it in

   just got a citation for illegally parking my pen*s in a friend zone

   It's my birthday on St Patrick's Day and I'm gonna be drunk all weekend! LET'S GET READY TO STUMMMMBLLLLE!

   Come to think of it The Eiffel Tower is the Empire State Building after taxes.