Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   Nothing is sweeter than finding out that the cute boy who dumped you in the 12th grade lives in his mother's basement.

   It's like Canada is the concerned child watching her aging mother (Britain) and weirdo big brother (United States) descend into chaos in 2016, unsure who to worry over first.

   Named my daughter after my mother in law. In fact, Passive Aggressive Psycho turns 5 tomorrow

   I was in the middle of a selfie and my mother walked in, now all she can say is "don't worry son everyone's doing that."

   Looking at pictures of myself as a kid taken just after my mother cut my bangs makes me wonder what she used to mix in her Tang.

   Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately she is a mother and we should respect her.

   Sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out.

   My 72 year-old mother just informed me she is going to her first “sex party” and doesn’t know what to bring. After some delicate questioning, “Gender Reveal, Mom. It’s called a Gender Reveal.”

   I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay, the mice throw themselves on the traps.

   Your mother nodding solemnly on Antiques Roadshow as the appraiser explains that the ashtray you made for her in 1st grade is absolute crap...

   Horror movies don't scare me. Five missed calls from my mother scares me.

   just asked my son - where would you be without your mother? His answer: "Probably in the middle of traffic, without my jacket on, talking to some stranger."

   When I was a little girl, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. When she was in a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead.

   A string of stars tattooed on your chest is a great way to let everyone know you're a 22 year old single mother of 4 kids.

   what do you have when you have a mother in law buried up to her neck in sand? not enough sand.

   "I wish Ted would just tell his poor kids how he met they're mother!!!"

   When you first start dating a girl, they say to look at their Mother to see how they'll look as they age. However.....I feel very judgmental when their Mother is practically the same age as I am:)

   you know its sad when your mother is on facebook and guys younger than you are poking her.

   just changed my profile date of birth and was really loving all the attention until my mom wished me a Happy Birthday. My own mother didn't even know my real birthday is not until April.

   My mother-in-law is a meteorologist. Well, not a meteorologist, but whatever it is called when you complain about the weather 6 times a day.