life Funny Status Messages

   My life coach advised me to run out the clock.

   if people were as nice to each other in real life as they were in Facebook comments, think how different the world would be.

   : the only A+ I've gotten in life is my blood type

   Anyone who says having a child is the best moment of their life has obviously never had two kit-kats fall out of a vending machine at once

   If I could live my life over again, I'd do everything the same. Except for that time I sh*t my pants in 3rd grade.

   Facebook allows me to see what my life would look like if I had married my girlfriend that I had in my 20s. - Dodged a bullet there.

   (on facebook) Friend 1: ugh, I feel so crap I hate my life. Friend 2: aww babe whats wrong??. Friend 1: inbox? Friend 2: yeah okay. Rest of us: well f*ck you then.

   because I have a life. because its been proven that facebook is time consuming and useless. I have to log off............. I'll be back in 30 min.

   As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

   there are more important things in life than money. The trouble is, they all cost money.

   Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside

   if only life came with ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP ►► FF...buttons.

   Hav finally finished my 40,000 piece Jigsaw, it reads- " Get a life you sad F**k "

   In real life, I never know when danger is coming because the music doesn't change.

   The man in front of me is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life, he wishes she sent him for tampons.

   The biggest mistake I have made in my life is letting people stay in my life far longer than they deserve..

   Time to photoshop my life Touch up the edges, adjust the tones,blur out the background, focus on me, and crop people out...

   thinks life is unfair. So many rules; so little time to break them....

   NOTE TO SELF: Remember not to discuss my personal life on FaceBook. And don't forget to pick up rash cream..........

   Life gets a lot easier once you decide to become part of the problem.